A month of Sundays - October

Silent Sunday #50

Good days v bad days

Last week in Norfolk was wonderful. It was our first ever family holiday that didn't involve other members of our families and was just the four of us spending lots of time together doing things we enjoy. It was so much fun. The cottage that we stayed in was perfect, cosy and had all the nice touches that make you feel at home. There was a delicatessen next door with yummy treats and we ate out most lunchtimes so there was very little cooking involved.

I loved it there in our little bubble. I felt pretty much consistently happy for the whole six days that we were there. I kept trying to explain to Mr C what this funny feeling I had in my stomach was and then suddenly it dawned on me, it was happiness and excitement. How sad that I didn't recognise it in the beginning and how wonderful that it was there.

We walked and talked and played. We ate lovely food and drank endless mugs of tea. We had just the right amount of stuff that we needed and it was easy to keep organised and everything tidy. The four poster bed was comfortable and had bedding on it that made me feel like I was snuggling up in a cloud. We laughed and joked and taught Kate to sit up.

We spent lots of time by the sea and taught I taught Piran how to make a proper sandcastle and how you must tap it three times for luck after turning it over. We took loads of lovely pictures and the sun shone and shone. We had one solitary rain shower the whole week and we were in the car and got to see a rainbow.  We were sad to come home but we felt rested and relaxed.

Twenty one hours and 14 minutes after we walked back through our front door I felt terrible. Everyone has the inevitable come down after such a lovely week away but being back in our house where I can see every little thing that I want or need to do makes me so very, very anxious. I cannot breathe because the house is too full of stuff. We have more than we need, and more than we have space for and it makes me feel so on edge. I hadn't realised what a dramatic effect it had on my mood.

I had three very dark days this weekend where the gut wrenching, heart breaking heavy soul feeling ruined everything I did. I felt a little brighter on Sunday afternoon when we went to a birthday party for one of Piran's friends and we were out and having fun and Piran gets so excited over things it is wonderful. But the rest of the weekend was so very hard.

I want this to be over now. I want to be 'better'. I want to be able to relax and enjoy myself. I want to be the fun mum from on holiday, not the shouty, frustrated, upset one that I have become. Every time I feel like I am crawling out of this hole I seem to fall right back in, and then climbing out becomes harder because I am so very very tired all the time. I know that this shall pass but I feel like I have suffered enough now. I wish there was a magic potion but there is not.

But I will continue to try. Small things brighten my life and give me hope. Piran doesn't stop talking and now we are having conversations with him and it is amazing. He loves his sister so much and is always cuddling her. Kate is still unpredictable but every day I read her a little better. She has a killer smile and a wonderful giggle. I have lost 12lbs in 6 weeks and really want to keep going. I fit into a pair of size 14 jeans this week. It might be shallow but it made me smile.

And so onwards I go. Letting myself have bad days, but ensuring that the good days do not go past unnoticed. Trying to fit into my days a little bit of decluttering as well as time to spend doing things I love. I am going to stay positive and moving and hoping that soon those good days will outnumber the bad.

Silent Sunday #49

Picture postcards from Norfolk

Picture postcards from Norfolk

Picture postcards from Norfolk

Picture postcards from Norfolk

Picture postcards from Norfolk

Silent Sunday #48

Picture postcards from Norfolk

Checking in, checking out

At my PND support group each week we 'check in' when we arrive and 'check out' when we leave. Just a few short sentences to say how we are feeling, before and after the group. I am usually surprised by what I say, I guess because you only really think about it when asked.

So, checking in: Tonight I am anxious, as I have been for quite a few days now. I am up and down hour by hour but today has been a good day. Piran and I had a lovely day, including some time with just the two of us.

It has been an odd couple of weeks. Mum was here and Mr C was away. We had a great week where I did lots of lovely things but I felt pretty crappy most of the time. Then she went home and I always feel low after that because oh I miss her so much. Piran keeps asking where 'Ma-Ma' is and that makes it even harder. They had a wonderful time though, the two of them. Grandparents are quite amazing things aren't they? The time and energy that they can give the small people in their life is just wonderful. I am too tired to play, too busy but Grandma will go on a trip to the park that lasts for 3 hours and every one comes home all rosy cheeked and happy.

Anyway. I am trying to stay positive and take note of the things that make me feel good, or that make me laugh. It is a shame when a laugh is a notable event in your day to day life (days should be full of laughter) but at least it makes me sit up and notice and appreciate them. My happiness jar is filling up with memories when I remember (or when nice people on Twitter tell me to do it). But here are some things that never fail to make me smile.

A spontaneous hug from Piran :: The smell of rain on hot pavements :: Piran's dancing :: The silence of a house when all babies are sleeping :: Kate's laugh :: A letter from a friend :: Conkers :: A walk by the sea :: A cup of tea and a chat with a friend :: A phone call from my mum :: Tickling Piran :: Watching Kate and Piran play together :: Cuddling Mr C :: A sleepy Piran :: The smile Kate gives me first thing in the morning :: The crunch of leaves beneath my feet :: Waking up naturally 

And so, onwards and upwards. Tomorrow morning marks the start of our very first ever week away on holiday (Cornwall doesn't count) as a family of four. I have hardly packed but I will just throw everything together tomorrow morning. We have all day to head to the North Norfolk coast and I am looking forward to it so much. I can't wait to spend some time with Mr C and just enjoy ourselves. The house sitter will be here watching our Sky plus and we will be away from wifi and all things computery. Well except our phones but whether they work will depend on 3G. I am looking forward to it and nervous about it in equal measures.

Checking out: I am happy that after three nights of trying I have finally found time to write a blog post. I am excited about my holiday. I would love it if you would let me know in the comments what never fails to make you smile.

Review and Competition: Princes Breakfast Box

The lovely people at Princes recently sent me a Breakfast Box. It included various tinned fruits and cartons of juices as well as some breakfast themed goodies. Princes are hoping to take some of the stress out of breakfast time for busy families and encouraging us to start our days with at least one of our five a day. 

We definitely found that there was something for everyone. I love pineapple but if I buy a fresh one it always goes off before I get to carving it up. I love having a tin in the cupboard that I can open whenever I fancy it. It has always been a great fall back pudding for Piran but i enjoyed having something so fresh in the morning. My mum was staying and she tucked into the grapefruit segments which she included with her morning museli. I have tweeted before about her rather odd habit of having orange juice instead of milk on her museli so she happily worked her way through our fruit juice as well.

We still have a few tins to try, I am keen to see what Piran thinks as fruit has always been something we eat as a snack or after dinner. So far all he demands is toast but I am working on him!

Princes have also given me a breakfast box to give away to one lucky reader. They say:

Princes prides itself on offering good value, great quality food that the whole family can enjoy. From canned fruit for your cereal to pure fruit juices for a refreshing morning drink, pack your cupboards with these trusty Princes products and you can whip up a healthy, delicious breakfast in minutes.

To help ease the stress of the morning ritual, the Princes breakfast box includes a set of six bowls and six tumblers, table placemats, an alarm clock, a colouring book to entertain the kids, a relaxing candle for the mums, money-off coupons and, of course, a range of Princes canned fruit – including grapefruit segments, peach slices, pear halves, fruit cocktail, pineapple chunks and mandarin segments – and Princes pure juices.

There are two ways to enter this competition:
1. Leave a comment on this post telling me which is your favourite of the Princes tinned fruit products (please ensure that there is a way of contacting you - twitter ID or email address where possible).

2. Tweet: I am entering @Kellyfairy's competition at A place of my own http://bit.ly/6S5eU to win a #princesbrekkie box. 


Small print: This competition is open until midnight on Sunday 16th October 2011. It is open to UK residents only. The winner will be picked by my glamorous random number generator. The winner will need to provide me with their name and address which I will pass to the PR company for the purpose of sending the prize.

Disclaimer: I received a Princes Breakfast Box of my own free of charge for review.

Silent Sunday #47

Silent Sunday #46