My Dad is coming to stay this weekend. I'm really looking forward to it, because he hasn't met Kate yet, and the last time he saw Piran was 6 months ago and he has changed so much since then. However, suddenly I have realised that tomorrow is Friday already.
The weeks seem to disappear in a puff of smoke these days. Yet again I find myself at bedtime on Thursday. I have forgotten to make Piran a dinner for nursery again, which makes me so mad at myself. I have a million things to do before my dad and stepmum arrive at 8 tomorrow night. I have no idea when I will get anything done. Piran has a sponsored toddle at nursery tomorrow so that is two hours I'll be busy in the middle of the day as I have to stay with him. I need to get to the shops too, and feed Kate when required. If she doesn't nap when I'm home in the afternoon I'll be screwed!
I'm exhausted this week. Things have been a little better (I hate to say it in case I jinx it). But somehow I feel more tired than before. Sleep can really muck you up you know.
Oh I should be asleep but I'm tapping this out on my phone first. It's one of those posts that has absolutely no point, instead just aimlessly wanders about until it drifts off completely. Sorry about that.
Goodnight. I dong suppose I will find blogging time over the next few days but I'll be back soon!
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
The Gallery: My Weekend
After being away in London for the weekend away from my home and my family I was so happy to just come back here and just be. Our garden is a quiet and wonderful place to be, and I felt it restore a sense of peace within me.
At the beginning of this year I told Mr C that there would be no vegetables this year as it takes a lot of his free time and I knew that would be in short supply with a newborn this summer. Okay, he said, just flowers.
I found it hard to take pictures that really capture it properly. It is a flowery jungle out there. One Hollyhock is as tall as an upstairs window!
This is all the hard work of my wonderful husband.
He sneaked in some fruit, because that isn't vegetables, right?
Oh wait. I think I spy some vegetables.
But in all seriousness, when we moved to this house four years ago Mr C had never gardened before and it was the most bizarre garden ever. Completely overgrown and a real mess. Bit by bit he cleared it and dug it and added borders and beds and plants. He has green fingers and can grow almost anything. He has discovered a real love for it and it makes him so happy, and that makes me happy.
This weekend I came home and wandered around in the afternoon sun, watching Piran play and explore and just enjoying being there at that moment.
And I took the time to stop and look and discover some wonderful little things.
The perfect end to a very hectic weekend.
Sunday, June 26, 2011
If I had...
If I had 5 minutes I would...
Make a cup of tea
Remove my nail varnish
Tidy the front room
Get changed
Have a snack
Find my phone
Check the weather forecast
If I had 15 minutes I would...
Unpack my case
Take a shower
Telephone my mum
Do some laundry
If I had an hour I would...
Sort all of the things I bought home from CyberMummy
Write the blog post that is bouncing round my brain
Download some new apps to try on my iPad
Make a meal plan and write a shopping list
Tidy upstairs
But I'm far too busy right now doing this:
Make a cup of tea
Remove my nail varnish
Tidy the front room
Get changed
Have a snack
Find my phone
Check the weather forecast
If I had 15 minutes I would...
Unpack my case
Take a shower
Telephone my mum
Do some laundry
If I had an hour I would...
Sort all of the things I bought home from CyberMummy
Write the blog post that is bouncing round my brain
Download some new apps to try on my iPad
Make a meal plan and write a shopping list
Tidy upstairs
But I'm far too busy right now doing this:
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
From the archives: A small world
There are posts in my archives that mean a lot to me that may not have been seen by quite a few of my readers. So, for a short while, during these crazy new baby days when I don't have the time to blog as much as I would need or like I thought that I would share some posts from the past, in a 'From the archives' series. As much for my own enjoyment as well as, I hope, yours.
In keeping with the CyberMummy theme this week this is the post that I wrote shortly afterward. I am again feeling nervous and apprehensive about going to CyberMummy and meeting all of these wonderful people. It is so much bigger this year too. At least I have a baby to hide behind, although having a newborn definitely brings out my old anxious behaviours so if anything it is worse this year.
Quite possibly the only time some of you have met me I stood up in front of a room of 200 people and opened my heart, soul and mind to you by reading one of the most honest and personal blog posts that I have ever written. I think that I did okay, despite a nervous wobble at the beginning and a few tears along the way. I couldn't believe I could make a room full of people laugh but I did.
So, it might come as a bit of a surprise if I tell you that throughout my whole adult life I have suffered with social anxiety, depression and panic attacks. When I was 18/19 I was living with friends and had a full time job. I had a nice boyfriend, a great social life and brilliant friends. But without any warning I started to get anxious and have panic attacks when we went out clubbing. So after a while I stopped going. Then I started panicking when we were in a restaurant or pub. So I stopped going. Then it started at people's houses, then when shopping and bit by bit my life got smaller and smaller until the only places I could handle being were at home or work.
I cannot remember what made me finally admit that something was wrong and go to see my GP but I went thinking he would just tell me that nothing was wrong and I should just get on with it. So I was shocked when I walked out that day with antidepressants, a sick note from work and an appointment to see a therapist. I guess it is not until you stop, and look at your life that you really see the extent of the problem.
I went for my first visit to my therapist, her name was Elizabeth and she drank herbal tea. We talked about how I felt in social situations, what I could (very short list) and couldn't do (very long list). Together we rated them in terms of difficulty. Going to Tesco to do the shopping at a quiet time of day, going into town for an hour on a Saturday, going to the pub, the cinema, a nightclub. Off I went the first week to try and achieve one small thing. I had to write a diary every day and bring it with me each week. I don't really remember much more from the therapy apart from one thing. I was struggling with the whole process when we suddenly had a breakthrough. I remembered a night, one that I had pushed to the back of my mind. Not a horrible memory but one I wasn't happy with or proud of. Turns out, this was one of the most significant nights of my life considering the implications it has had over the years.
I was 18. I had passed my A-Levels and gone off to University in Cheltenham. I was young, it was my first time away from home. I couldn't get a place in halls so I lived the other side of town from my campus, in a room in a family home. One night during Freshers Week there was a comedy event at the SU bar and then I tagged along with some people that I had met to a nightclub in town. Once there I don't remember a lot. I had been drinking but not excessively as I had to get myself home. I remember being standing by a railing looking at people dancing and feeling hot and hemmed in and panicky. The next thing I remember is coming to as a bouncer carried me down some back stairs, and dumped me on some steps in a side alley. I was alone and scared. I guess he just assumed I was drunk but I have no idea why he thought it was okay to just leave me there. Thankfully I remembered how to get home from there, and following large groups of people as much as possible so people didn't know I was on my own, I made my way back to my room. Within 5 weeks I was back home, although I didn't think that this incident was even part of the reason I left it definitely knocked my confidence and I found it harder to make friends.
Discovering there was a root cause to my anxiety definitely helped me deal with how I felt and to understand what happened and why. I had three months off work, and bit by bit I reclaimed bits of my life. I learned to recognise the signs of a panic attack, to know how to diffuse how I felt before it ramped up into a full blown attack. I learned that a panic attack was never going to make me throw up in public (my biggest fear). I ended up being signed off work for three months, on antidepressants for over a year.
I am not 'fixed'. I never will be. Funnily enough I am happier standing up in front of a room of strangers than I am going to a friends house for a party. I know that I will never be the life and soul of the party again. I know I probably spend too much time at home in my comfort zone. I came to terms with my new smaller, but happier and more comfortable life. The day I moved to Brighton was a high like I had never imagined. I felt that I had done it, beaten it. I soon found out that was not exactly the case, that I still have limits. I hate going for a meal with lots of people, a combination of worrying about the bill and I tend to end up in a conversation vacuum, where the people either side of me are both talking to other people and I just sit there like a plum. I don't do house parties anywhere other than my home (and I can only invite close friends). I get freaked by crowds. I don't like to be hemmed in, I will always be somewhere on the edge. I still have dark, black days where I just want to stay in bed, although having a baby means you just can't do that anymore.
I read Rebecca's post on two-become-four and I started to leave a very long comment so I decided to tell my story here. I just want to say that yes, it can feel like life is small and these things will never get better. But that sometimes they do, and perhaps if there is someone out there that feels like I did, you might be stood on a stage one day overcoming all of your fears and feeling like you are on top of the world.
In keeping with the CyberMummy theme this week this is the post that I wrote shortly afterward. I am again feeling nervous and apprehensive about going to CyberMummy and meeting all of these wonderful people. It is so much bigger this year too. At least I have a baby to hide behind, although having a newborn definitely brings out my old anxious behaviours so if anything it is worse this year.
Quite possibly the only time some of you have met me I stood up in front of a room of 200 people and opened my heart, soul and mind to you by reading one of the most honest and personal blog posts that I have ever written. I think that I did okay, despite a nervous wobble at the beginning and a few tears along the way. I couldn't believe I could make a room full of people laugh but I did.
So, it might come as a bit of a surprise if I tell you that throughout my whole adult life I have suffered with social anxiety, depression and panic attacks. When I was 18/19 I was living with friends and had a full time job. I had a nice boyfriend, a great social life and brilliant friends. But without any warning I started to get anxious and have panic attacks when we went out clubbing. So after a while I stopped going. Then I started panicking when we were in a restaurant or pub. So I stopped going. Then it started at people's houses, then when shopping and bit by bit my life got smaller and smaller until the only places I could handle being were at home or work.
I cannot remember what made me finally admit that something was wrong and go to see my GP but I went thinking he would just tell me that nothing was wrong and I should just get on with it. So I was shocked when I walked out that day with antidepressants, a sick note from work and an appointment to see a therapist. I guess it is not until you stop, and look at your life that you really see the extent of the problem.
I went for my first visit to my therapist, her name was Elizabeth and she drank herbal tea. We talked about how I felt in social situations, what I could (very short list) and couldn't do (very long list). Together we rated them in terms of difficulty. Going to Tesco to do the shopping at a quiet time of day, going into town for an hour on a Saturday, going to the pub, the cinema, a nightclub. Off I went the first week to try and achieve one small thing. I had to write a diary every day and bring it with me each week. I don't really remember much more from the therapy apart from one thing. I was struggling with the whole process when we suddenly had a breakthrough. I remembered a night, one that I had pushed to the back of my mind. Not a horrible memory but one I wasn't happy with or proud of. Turns out, this was one of the most significant nights of my life considering the implications it has had over the years.
I was 18. I had passed my A-Levels and gone off to University in Cheltenham. I was young, it was my first time away from home. I couldn't get a place in halls so I lived the other side of town from my campus, in a room in a family home. One night during Freshers Week there was a comedy event at the SU bar and then I tagged along with some people that I had met to a nightclub in town. Once there I don't remember a lot. I had been drinking but not excessively as I had to get myself home. I remember being standing by a railing looking at people dancing and feeling hot and hemmed in and panicky. The next thing I remember is coming to as a bouncer carried me down some back stairs, and dumped me on some steps in a side alley. I was alone and scared. I guess he just assumed I was drunk but I have no idea why he thought it was okay to just leave me there. Thankfully I remembered how to get home from there, and following large groups of people as much as possible so people didn't know I was on my own, I made my way back to my room. Within 5 weeks I was back home, although I didn't think that this incident was even part of the reason I left it definitely knocked my confidence and I found it harder to make friends.
Discovering there was a root cause to my anxiety definitely helped me deal with how I felt and to understand what happened and why. I had three months off work, and bit by bit I reclaimed bits of my life. I learned to recognise the signs of a panic attack, to know how to diffuse how I felt before it ramped up into a full blown attack. I learned that a panic attack was never going to make me throw up in public (my biggest fear). I ended up being signed off work for three months, on antidepressants for over a year.
I am not 'fixed'. I never will be. Funnily enough I am happier standing up in front of a room of strangers than I am going to a friends house for a party. I know that I will never be the life and soul of the party again. I know I probably spend too much time at home in my comfort zone. I came to terms with my new smaller, but happier and more comfortable life. The day I moved to Brighton was a high like I had never imagined. I felt that I had done it, beaten it. I soon found out that was not exactly the case, that I still have limits. I hate going for a meal with lots of people, a combination of worrying about the bill and I tend to end up in a conversation vacuum, where the people either side of me are both talking to other people and I just sit there like a plum. I don't do house parties anywhere other than my home (and I can only invite close friends). I get freaked by crowds. I don't like to be hemmed in, I will always be somewhere on the edge. I still have dark, black days where I just want to stay in bed, although having a baby means you just can't do that anymore.
I read Rebecca's post on two-become-four and I started to leave a very long comment so I decided to tell my story here. I just want to say that yes, it can feel like life is small and these things will never get better. But that sometimes they do, and perhaps if there is someone out there that feels like I did, you might be stood on a stage one day overcoming all of your fears and feeling like you are on top of the world.
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Saturday, June 18, 2011
From the archives: Tomorrow
I was thinking today about blogging. About why I do it, how I do it, what it means to me. My blogging journey has been quite a long one, I started my first blog in July 2005, and moved over to this one in July 2007. It was just me wittering away to practically no one until I went on maternity leave two years ago and discovered British Mummy Bloggers (as it was then) and Twitter and well, here we are.
There are posts in my archives that mean a lot to me that may not have been seen by quite a few of my readers. So, for a short while, during these crazy new baby days when I don't have the time to blog as much as I would need or like I thought that I would share some posts from the past, in a 'From the archives' series. As much for my own enjoyment as well as, I hope, yours.
To start us off, and because CyberMummy is only a week away I give you my post from the day after CyberMummy 2010, a year ago.
In the past day I started so many blog posts in my head. I do it normally but yesterday was such a whirlwind, such an amazing day that made me feel so many emotions all at once that even more than usual I wanted to record and remember the day. But I didn't write any of those posts down, choosing to stay in the present and be there and fully experience every moment. And now that leaves me on a train, with a suitcase bulging at the seams with goodies, a slight hangover and a desperate need to try and capture the fading memories of one of the greatest experiences of my life. To be there, at the beginning of CyberMummy (I am sure this is just the beginning) was amazing. To meet and hug these women that have been there for me over the past 13 months as I went from just a blogger to a blogger with a baby was too special for words.
To stand at the front of the crowd and read one of my blog posts was scary, thrilling and highly emotional (I cried! My mum would shake her head at that). What an honour to be chosen to stand on that stage with those people. Sandy, Carol, Jen (amongst others) these women that take my breath away with their beauty and honesty and words whenever I read their blogs. To hear those posts read as they were written, to feel the emotion and to see the room moved to tears and laughter was incredible. It was my favourite part of the day, despite my own nerves and streaked make up.
I got a bit drunk afterward, in the hotel bar with a group of the funniest, best people I could ever wish to meet. I sloped off at midnight, after taking a few photographs, when the tequila shots were being handed out. Thankfully these days I know my limits. I went to my room, drank water, brushed my teeth and then lay on the bed every nerve fizzing in my body, words and memories, adrenaline and experience keeping me from sleep for a good hour.
I tweeted all day and some of the night (check out my stream to see the evidence) and woke up this morning with my brain thinking in hashtags, #cybermummyhangover #whereisthebacon #howcanjosiebesoawakeandbubblyatthistimeofthemorning
All too soon tomorrow is here, and I am on my way home. It was fun to be me for 2 days but I miss my boys and want a Piran cuddle more than anything in this world. All too soon tomorrow will be here again, and I will have to leave him to go back to work after 13 months of maternity leave. It's only 2 days a week but that is a whole other post, so I will go now, to live in the present for a while. I'll be back soon.
Update: Gosh, I am such a scatterbrain these days. I would just like to add a HUGE thank you to Huggies for paying for my ticket and for arranging a breakfast on Saturday morning so all the Huggies mums would have friendly faces to arrive with. You are all fabulous, and I love working with you.
There are posts in my archives that mean a lot to me that may not have been seen by quite a few of my readers. So, for a short while, during these crazy new baby days when I don't have the time to blog as much as I would need or like I thought that I would share some posts from the past, in a 'From the archives' series. As much for my own enjoyment as well as, I hope, yours.
To start us off, and because CyberMummy is only a week away I give you my post from the day after CyberMummy 2010, a year ago.
In the past day I started so many blog posts in my head. I do it normally but yesterday was such a whirlwind, such an amazing day that made me feel so many emotions all at once that even more than usual I wanted to record and remember the day. But I didn't write any of those posts down, choosing to stay in the present and be there and fully experience every moment. And now that leaves me on a train, with a suitcase bulging at the seams with goodies, a slight hangover and a desperate need to try and capture the fading memories of one of the greatest experiences of my life. To be there, at the beginning of CyberMummy (I am sure this is just the beginning) was amazing. To meet and hug these women that have been there for me over the past 13 months as I went from just a blogger to a blogger with a baby was too special for words.
To stand at the front of the crowd and read one of my blog posts was scary, thrilling and highly emotional (I cried! My mum would shake her head at that). What an honour to be chosen to stand on that stage with those people. Sandy, Carol, Jen (amongst others) these women that take my breath away with their beauty and honesty and words whenever I read their blogs. To hear those posts read as they were written, to feel the emotion and to see the room moved to tears and laughter was incredible. It was my favourite part of the day, despite my own nerves and streaked make up.
I got a bit drunk afterward, in the hotel bar with a group of the funniest, best people I could ever wish to meet. I sloped off at midnight, after taking a few photographs, when the tequila shots were being handed out. Thankfully these days I know my limits. I went to my room, drank water, brushed my teeth and then lay on the bed every nerve fizzing in my body, words and memories, adrenaline and experience keeping me from sleep for a good hour.
I tweeted all day and some of the night (check out my stream to see the evidence) and woke up this morning with my brain thinking in hashtags, #cybermummyhangover #whereisthebacon #howcanjosiebesoawakeandbubblyatthistimeofthemorning
All too soon tomorrow is here, and I am on my way home. It was fun to be me for 2 days but I miss my boys and want a Piran cuddle more than anything in this world. All too soon tomorrow will be here again, and I will have to leave him to go back to work after 13 months of maternity leave. It's only 2 days a week but that is a whole other post, so I will go now, to live in the present for a while. I'll be back soon.
Update: Gosh, I am such a scatterbrain these days. I would just like to add a HUGE thank you to Huggies for paying for my ticket and for arranging a breakfast on Saturday morning so all the Huggies mums would have friendly faces to arrive with. You are all fabulous, and I love working with you.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
This is why today ROCKED!!!
It has been all wibbles and wobbles round here recently (and not just my post baby tummy) so this evening I am making the time to record this feeling.
Today has been a Good Day. The kind of day that makes you want to overuse exclamation marks and SHOUT OUT in capital letters. The kind of day that you are afraid to admit to because you think it will all go pear shaped immediately after.
This is why:
I got two 3 hour stretches of sleep last night.
I managed to sit down and eat breakfast and remembered to drink my tea.
I felt rested and my brain was working and I managed a run of five & six letter words in Words with friends.
I got all 3 of us and my MIL to Piran's swimming lesson on time with no problems.
Piran had a fantastic lesson & it was the first time I was able to take him in 2 months and I just loved it.
Kate slept while Piran and I ate lunch.
Piran had his nap and Kate continued to sleep so I managed to make playdough, drink three cups of tea and eat a kitkat in peace, catching up on my google reader.
Piran woke from his nap just after Kate finished her lunchtime bottle. He didn't refuse to get up as usual and was in a great mood.
I was brave and took them both to the supermarket. It went really well & Piran got a new Hotwheels car for helping look after the baby.
We came home and played with playdough. Piran played happily & quietly when I fed Kate again.
Kate fell asleep so I had time to tidy up, cook Piran's dinner, prepare our dinner, make up tonight's bottles and wash up.
Mr C came home on time and PUT HIS BAG AWAY IN THE CUPBOARD. UNPROMPTED.
We managed to bath and feed Piran & Kate and both went to sleep afterwards.
We ate dinner at the same time. It was hot.
I managed to comment on some blogs.
All in all a BLOODY AMAZING DAY.
Tomorrow I am taking Piran & Kate to Brighton to meet my lovely Twitter friends. I hope it doesn't all go tits up then!!!
Goodnight.
Today has been a Good Day. The kind of day that makes you want to overuse exclamation marks and SHOUT OUT in capital letters. The kind of day that you are afraid to admit to because you think it will all go pear shaped immediately after.
This is why:
I got two 3 hour stretches of sleep last night.
I managed to sit down and eat breakfast and remembered to drink my tea.
I felt rested and my brain was working and I managed a run of five & six letter words in Words with friends.
I got all 3 of us and my MIL to Piran's swimming lesson on time with no problems.
Piran had a fantastic lesson & it was the first time I was able to take him in 2 months and I just loved it.
Kate slept while Piran and I ate lunch.
Piran had his nap and Kate continued to sleep so I managed to make playdough, drink three cups of tea and eat a kitkat in peace, catching up on my google reader.
Piran woke from his nap just after Kate finished her lunchtime bottle. He didn't refuse to get up as usual and was in a great mood.
I was brave and took them both to the supermarket. It went really well & Piran got a new Hotwheels car for helping look after the baby.
We came home and played with playdough. Piran played happily & quietly when I fed Kate again.
Kate fell asleep so I had time to tidy up, cook Piran's dinner, prepare our dinner, make up tonight's bottles and wash up.
Mr C came home on time and PUT HIS BAG AWAY IN THE CUPBOARD. UNPROMPTED.
We managed to bath and feed Piran & Kate and both went to sleep afterwards.
We ate dinner at the same time. It was hot.
I managed to comment on some blogs.
All in all a BLOODY AMAZING DAY.
Tomorrow I am taking Piran & Kate to Brighton to meet my lovely Twitter friends. I hope it doesn't all go tits up then!!!
Goodnight.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
42 days
Six weeks = 42 days. I just realised that on the last post I wrote I got the number of days wrong, it should have been 36 not 31!
Over the past six weeks I have come to realise that I really don't remember much about when Piran was a newborn baby. We keep asking each other whether Piran did this and that and we just have no recollection at all.
One thing I do remember however is saying to a friend that six weeks was the week where I felt like I was coming out of the fog and started to feel back in control.
This time week six has knocked me sideways. I am exhausted. I am sad. I am overwhelmed and scared. I have a million things that I am worrying over and obsessing about. I am up and down and all over the place. I can feel like I am getting along fine and then 20 minutes later be in tears because nothing is going right.
There are moments of brightness, it is not all bad. This week Kate is more alert and occasionally spends time awake with her eyes open and not crying. It's a novelty I tell you.
I crave routine though. I want to start thinking about bedtimes and regular feeds but I have a funny feeling she will be keeping me on my toes for a while yet.
Six weeks old today. Those weeks have flown past, but in a way it feels like she has always been here. She is gorgeous and lovely and at times I am overwhelmed by the love that I feel for these two wonderful creatures that we have made that I have to sit and cry a little.
Piran has good days and bad days. Over the past week we have been really firm with him and not let him into our bed until morning. There have been quite a few tears, not just his, but I feel like we are making progress. This has meant that I have spent more time asleep in my own bed than on the sofa and that has helped me.
It is meal times that are the biggest test. No matter what I do they both seem to manage to want feeding at exactly the same time. If Piran gets hungry and has to wait for food he gets mean and stroppy and hits out and throws screaming fits. If Kate gets hungry and has to wait for food she just screams! 4pm - 6pm is the worst time of day by far. I hate it when Mr C gets in from work and one or both of them are crying. Makes me feel like the worst mum in the world.
Any time that they are both crying at the same time is pretty shit to be honest. I just keep telling myself it won't last.
I think I see an improvement in Kate though, a bit more settled, a lit less crying. Last night she ate at 8pm, fell asleep at 9.30 and didn't wake until 1.45am. It was like a dream come true. I needed it to happen though. I was at breaking point. I knew I was in a bad place yesterday afternoon when I started watching the last ever episode of the Gilmore Girls and was crying before the opening credits. It all went to hell in a handbasket 20 minutres later when I got a telephone call to say that sadly the inlaw's dog was being put down. I spent the next two hours randomly sobbing and trying to hide the crying from Piran as he gets very concerned when I am upset.
Onwards and upwards I hope. Time to go, Kate won't settle so I need to try and get her back to sleep.
Over the past six weeks I have come to realise that I really don't remember much about when Piran was a newborn baby. We keep asking each other whether Piran did this and that and we just have no recollection at all.
One thing I do remember however is saying to a friend that six weeks was the week where I felt like I was coming out of the fog and started to feel back in control.
This time week six has knocked me sideways. I am exhausted. I am sad. I am overwhelmed and scared. I have a million things that I am worrying over and obsessing about. I am up and down and all over the place. I can feel like I am getting along fine and then 20 minutes later be in tears because nothing is going right.
There are moments of brightness, it is not all bad. This week Kate is more alert and occasionally spends time awake with her eyes open and not crying. It's a novelty I tell you.
I crave routine though. I want to start thinking about bedtimes and regular feeds but I have a funny feeling she will be keeping me on my toes for a while yet.
Six weeks old today. Those weeks have flown past, but in a way it feels like she has always been here. She is gorgeous and lovely and at times I am overwhelmed by the love that I feel for these two wonderful creatures that we have made that I have to sit and cry a little.
Piran has good days and bad days. Over the past week we have been really firm with him and not let him into our bed until morning. There have been quite a few tears, not just his, but I feel like we are making progress. This has meant that I have spent more time asleep in my own bed than on the sofa and that has helped me.
It is meal times that are the biggest test. No matter what I do they both seem to manage to want feeding at exactly the same time. If Piran gets hungry and has to wait for food he gets mean and stroppy and hits out and throws screaming fits. If Kate gets hungry and has to wait for food she just screams! 4pm - 6pm is the worst time of day by far. I hate it when Mr C gets in from work and one or both of them are crying. Makes me feel like the worst mum in the world.
Any time that they are both crying at the same time is pretty shit to be honest. I just keep telling myself it won't last.
I think I see an improvement in Kate though, a bit more settled, a lit less crying. Last night she ate at 8pm, fell asleep at 9.30 and didn't wake until 1.45am. It was like a dream come true. I needed it to happen though. I was at breaking point. I knew I was in a bad place yesterday afternoon when I started watching the last ever episode of the Gilmore Girls and was crying before the opening credits. It all went to hell in a handbasket 20 minutres later when I got a telephone call to say that sadly the inlaw's dog was being put down. I spent the next two hours randomly sobbing and trying to hide the crying from Piran as he gets very concerned when I am upset.
Onwards and upwards I hope. Time to go, Kate won't settle so I need to try and get her back to sleep.
 |
| A rare moment of peace in the afternoon this week. |
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Review: Chatterpants Sun Hat
We liked: I liked the fact that as it was one colour it went with lots of outfits. It has a nice wide brim for keeping the sun off your child's face. It has a handy name tag on the inside which was great for nursery.
We didn't like: I have washed the hat a few times. Like your jeans after they have been washed the hat was a bit hard afterward. I wasn't keen on the chin strap personally, Piran is happy to wear a hat and it just got in the way. I also thought the size was slightly small as we got a size 1-2 and it only just fits Piran. The next size up is 3-5 which might be a bit misleading as Piran would need that size at age 2.
Overall: As hats go this is not our favourite, however it is hard wearing and you can get ones that are lined with bamboo / cotton jersey which I am sure would make it softer. The colours match other items in the Chatterpants range which is a nice touch.
Further information: The sun hats cost £9.80 and come in three sizes from 6 months to 5 years. See the Chatterpants site for more information.
Review: Chatterpants Short Starfish Set
We liked: The material really feels lovely and is very soft against Piran's skin. The set seems very comfortable and the design is fresh and bright.
We didn't like: I do feel that the set is quite expensive but you are paying for the fabric and quality. The shorts are loose and not as structured as the type of clothes that I am used to Piran wearing, that said this would be great in very hot weather or on the beach / on holiday.
Overall: A nice little outfit perfect for holiday. I have put Piran in this at night as well in warm weather as it seems really comfortable.
Further information: The sets cost £25 and come in six sizes from 6 months to 6 years. See the Chatterpants site for more information.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
CyberMummy Meet & Greet
Carly over at MummysShoes is running a CyberMummy meet and greet again this year. So, if you are going then please come and say hello if you see me. I will be the one pushing a bright orange Stokke Xplory containing a cute baby girl and looking like I haven't slept for the past seven weeks*.
Name: Kelly
Blog: A place of my own
Twitter ID: @Kellyfairy
Height: 5 foot 3 inches (when I was 20, I may have shrunk by now!)
Hair: Annoying. Mousy brown, no style at all at the moment as I am growing it out.
Eyes: Brown
Likes: I love the summer but can't cope with the sun (too hot!). My favourite things in the whole world are my husband, my toddler boy, my baby girl, my friends, my family, penguins, singing loudly alone in the car, and Cornwall.
Dislikes: I don't like people who think the world owes them something, my fears and celery.
Do leave me a comment telling me if you are going to be there so I know who to look out for and say hello to.
*This is because I haven't!
Name: Kelly
Blog: A place of my own
Twitter ID: @Kellyfairy
Height: 5 foot 3 inches (when I was 20, I may have shrunk by now!)
Hair: Annoying. Mousy brown, no style at all at the moment as I am growing it out.
Eyes: Brown
Likes: I love the summer but can't cope with the sun (too hot!). My favourite things in the whole world are my husband, my toddler boy, my baby girl, my friends, my family, penguins, singing loudly alone in the car, and Cornwall.
Dislikes: I don't like people who think the world owes them something, my fears and celery.
Do leave me a comment telling me if you are going to be there so I know who to look out for and say hello to.
*This is because I haven't!
Saturday, June 11, 2011
MAD Blog Awards - campaign video
So the lovely organisers of the MADS were asking for a vlog from each finalist. I have barely slept over the last six weeks and I look like it too so I thought I would spare you the vision of me with baby sick over my clothes which don't fit me anymore and use photographs. I did try and just video Kate but she obviously does not like the camera because she cried every time!
I hope you have time to watch it, especially if you nominated us in the first place, as we wanted to say thank you. And if you haven't already cast your vote then please consider a little vote for me. Everyone who does gets a gold star* **
Voting closes at 9pm on Friday 17th June.
*a virtual one, sadly not a real one
** this is not a bribe, just a thank you
I hope you have time to watch it, especially if you nominated us in the first place, as we wanted to say thank you. And if you haven't already cast your vote then please consider a little vote for me. Everyone who does gets a gold star* **
Voting closes at 9pm on Friday 17th June.
*a virtual one, sadly not a real one
** this is not a bribe, just a thank you
Thursday, June 09, 2011
31 days
THIS POST SHOULD HAVE BEEN ENTITLED 36 DAYS. THAT SLEEP DEPRIVATION THING IS AWESOME ISN'T IT!
So much I want to say. So little time or energy.
But I'm making time to record this moment.
What's this? A smirk? Half a smile?
Woo hoo! Kate's first smile. Or is that a grin?
That's my girl!
Wow, learning to smile is awful hard work!
So much I want to say. So little time or energy.
But I'm making time to record this moment.
What's this? A smirk? Half a smile?
Woo hoo! Kate's first smile. Or is that a grin?
That's my girl!
Wow, learning to smile is awful hard work!
Tuesday, June 07, 2011
Review: Morrck Splasha
We liked: Everything! The Splasha is so useful and just perfect for keeping Piran warm when he gets out of the swimming pool. It has poppers that fasten to keep the towel in place on the shoulder which is great for wriggly toddlers, and there are more down the sides if you want to keep it on for longer - perhaps around the pool on holiday or at the beach. It washes well and dries quickly.
We didn't like: Initially I thought that £19.95 was a lot for this item but as they come in sizes that last two years I think that we would get our money's worth from it.My only other issue is the limited options - blue stripe or pink spots, I prefer to be able to buy more gender neutral items.
Overall: I think that we will get a lot of use out of this towel, and the size options are great (1-3, 3-5, 5-7 years). I would love to see more colour choices in the future.
Further information: Check out the Morrck website for more information on the Splasha, and their other products (I am liking the look of the Baby Hoodies!). You can also see their facebook page for details of special offers.
Disclosure: We were sent a Splasha free of charge for the purposes of this review.
Review: Primo Viaggio ES & ISOFIX Base
We liked: The seat slots into the base very easily and you just press a bar under the hood and just lift straight out which is very simple. The seat looks and feels solid and safe and has side impact protection. When the seat is placed on the floor it can rock or by simply adjusting the handle you can have it in a stable position. It can be used as part of a travel system with a number of Mamas and Papas pushchairs and I have purchased adaptors so I can use it with our Stokke Xplory chassis which is great. The seat covers are removable and machine washable.
We didn't like: This seat is heavy and already I struggle to carry it with the baby in it to and from the car, but this was the same as the first seat that we had for Piran. The first couple of times that we used the seat I struggled with the straps, finding them difficult to release and get them to lie flat. Once I had a good look I realised that one side of the buckle was on back to front. I released the straps and changed it and it is now much better. However I do feel that when you press the button and pull on the straps it is not as smooth as other seats I have used and jerks Kate round a little.
Overall: We are using this seat daily and it suits our purpose well. Kate seems comfortable in it and I feel that she is safe and secure when traveling in the car. I would have expected it to come with a rain cover but you need to buy this separately which is annoying. We were particularly impressed with the ISOFIX base and how easy it is to use.
Further information: For further information on the Primo Viaggio and other car seats please check out the Mamas and Papas website.
We were sent a Primo Viaggio ES car seat and the ISOFIX base from Mamas and Papas free of charge for the purpose of this review.
Monday, June 06, 2011
Groundhog day (and Interflora review)
Life with a new baby is by its very nature repetitive with three hourly feeds and the cycle of feed, burp, change, settle but this time I am very conscious of the fact that I seem to say the same things over and over all day long.
What time is it?
Is she asleep?
Did you change her?
What do you want to do tonight?
Where is Piran?
Shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh.
We do not stand on the furniture Piran.
Who's pooed?
No you cannot have a biscuit.
Would you like some juice?
Where is Bubba?
I swear I can smell poo.
Piran please do not give the baby her dummy.
Please stay away from your sister she is asleep.
Yes, very good, shhh.
Piran please don't play in the doorway.
Good boy.
Have we got enough bottles made up.
Thank you Piran.
Where is the remote control?
No we can't watch cbeebies right now.
Do you want to watch cbeebies?
Where is my phone?
I am tired.
No Piran you cannot have any crisps.
What time did we feed her last?
Have you seen the Infacol?
We need more nappies.
What do you say?
Say Thank you.
I am sure that there are a lot more on this list but as usual my sleep deprived brain is letting the side down.
With one day much the same as the other it was really nice on Friday afternoon when there was a ring at the doorbell and I was delivered a lovely bunch of flowers form Interflora that they had kindly sent me to review. I had chosen the Cottage Garden Hand-tied and it is a beautiful mix of roses and stocks and peonies. Exactly the same peonies that we have in our garden - it was a real treat to have them inside for a change as ours are covered in ants (I only made the mistake of cutting them and bringing them inside once!) They smell utterly divine. Sadly, they completely set Mr C's hayfever off so they are now in our conservatory and I have to look at them through the kitchen window. They are still gorgeous and cheer me up when I am doing the dishes!
Looking around Interflora's website there is so much choice and all of the flowers are wonderful. You can find florists in London (and everywhere else in the country), Father's Day gifts and even arrange same day flower delivery.
Disclosure: I was sent a bouquet of flowers free of charge for the purpose of this review.
What time is it?
Is she asleep?
Did you change her?
What do you want to do tonight?
Where is Piran?
Shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh.
We do not stand on the furniture Piran.
Who's pooed?
No you cannot have a biscuit.
Would you like some juice?
Where is Bubba?
I swear I can smell poo.
Piran please do not give the baby her dummy.
Please stay away from your sister she is asleep.
Yes, very good, shhh.
Piran please don't play in the doorway.
Good boy.
Have we got enough bottles made up.
Thank you Piran.
Where is the remote control?
No we can't watch cbeebies right now.
Do you want to watch cbeebies?
Where is my phone?
I am tired.
No Piran you cannot have any crisps.
What time did we feed her last?
Have you seen the Infacol?
We need more nappies.
What do you say?
Say Thank you.
I am sure that there are a lot more on this list but as usual my sleep deprived brain is letting the side down.
With one day much the same as the other it was really nice on Friday afternoon when there was a ring at the doorbell and I was delivered a lovely bunch of flowers form Interflora that they had kindly sent me to review. I had chosen the Cottage Garden Hand-tied and it is a beautiful mix of roses and stocks and peonies. Exactly the same peonies that we have in our garden - it was a real treat to have them inside for a change as ours are covered in ants (I only made the mistake of cutting them and bringing them inside once!) They smell utterly divine. Sadly, they completely set Mr C's hayfever off so they are now in our conservatory and I have to look at them through the kitchen window. They are still gorgeous and cheer me up when I am doing the dishes!
Looking around Interflora's website there is so much choice and all of the flowers are wonderful. You can find florists in London (and everywhere else in the country), Father's Day gifts and even arrange same day flower delivery.
Disclosure: I was sent a bouquet of flowers free of charge for the purpose of this review.
Review: Fisher Price Easy Clean Highchair
We liked: I love the bright colourful jungle theme that continues through a number of Fisher Price products. The chair itself is sturdy and well built and I would be more than happy that even the wriggliest toddler would be safe. There are height and recline options which means the seat can be adjusted to suit the purpose you require, including removing the tray and having the child sit up at the table with you. It is easy to clean and there are no crevices for food to get stuck in. If you are lucky enough to have a dishwasher the tray can go in to make cleaning even easier.
We didn't like: I didn't feel that the seat was really suitable for a newborn or small baby. It did recline but not far enough for me to feel that the baby was safe. The seat is also easy clean plastic which I did not think would be very comfortable for small babies. There is also a large piece of plastic that goes between their legs which was too big for a newborn. You could fold the seat legs round for storage but I found it quite hard to do. I am not a fan of plastic straps but they are certainly very easy to clean.
Overall: I think that this would be a great highchair when weaning starts and the baby is able to sit up comfortably. It would have been really good for us when we were weaning Piran as baby led weaning can be very messy. It is strong and sturdy and the quality that I would have expected from a company such as Fisher Price.
Further information: Click here for further information
Disclosure: We were sent a Fisher Price Easy Clean Highchair free of charge for the purpose of this review.
Sunday, June 05, 2011
Friday, June 03, 2011
Toddler sleep troubles - please help
I need your wisdom dear readers.
At the moment our evenings / nights go something like this:
4.30pm Kate gets grumpy and starts crying.
6pm Piran gets ready for bed, some nights has a bath, has his milk and goes to bed in his cot. Usually by 6.30pm. Most evenings he goes to sleep without a fuss.
7pm We attempt to cook and eat a meal. Usually eaten in shifts with one of us looking after Kate.
7.30pm Kate tends to have a bottle every three hours but it is different times each evening as she has not settled into a routine. We try and leave it three hours between feeds otherwise she doesn't have enough at one feed and ends up snacking all evening which the health visitor said could be making her tummy worse. I am pretty sure that I can tell when she is crying because she is hungry or when it is just her 'usual' evening crying. Also, she tries to eat us if she is hungry. If that happens after 2 hours I will feed her.
10.00pm Kate has usually crashed out somewhere between 9.30pm and now and if we are lucky we will take her up and put her in her cot and get 1-2 hours sleep before her next feed.
10.30pm Piran wakes up crying. He is inconsolable until you take him into our bed where he is fine. He asks for cuddles and usually then goes go sleep horizontally across the bed with his feet in my back. I am then unable to sleep. This is not good!
I head downstairs to try and sleep on the sofa until Mr C brings Kate down to me when she wakes.
11pm-1am At some point Kate will wake up for a feed and I take her downstairs. Sometimes she drinks & goes back to sleep, other times she is awake for 2 hours.
At this point I give up sleeping in my own room and stay on the sofa.
3am-5am Kate will want another feed sometime around now. Usually we are unable to get her back to sleep before 5.30-6am when Piran wakes up demanding "muk and beebies".
The day starts here.
So, it is hard work but I can manage the Kate part. However, the not managing to sleep in my own bed and if I do it not being at the same time as Mr C is really starting to take its toll. I miss my husband. So I really think that we need to tackle the Piran issue first.
It is not Kate's crying that is waking him up because it is always after she has stopped.
He wakes at roughly the same time every night.
Could it be jealousy that the baby is in her cot in our room so he wants to sleep with us as well.
We are unable to put him back in his cot because he SCREAMS.
In the past we have let him cry and after one night it is usually solved, however he has developed this SCREAM and we just don't have the energy at the moment. We just want sleep and an easy life.
He is still in a cot. We are considering changing it to a cot bed. Any advice?
If we do change it to a bed what about afternoon naps? Because he goes down fine at night but naps are usually a different matter with crying for 10 minutes or so before sleep. If he could get out of bed would he just play? I was planning on putting a gate on his door to stop him escaping from his room.
Any advice on how to tackle this will be gratefully received because I really want to knock this on the head and my brain cannot cope with anything more complicated than remembering my own name and what we are having for dinner.
At the moment our evenings / nights go something like this:
4.30pm Kate gets grumpy and starts crying.
6pm Piran gets ready for bed, some nights has a bath, has his milk and goes to bed in his cot. Usually by 6.30pm. Most evenings he goes to sleep without a fuss.
7pm We attempt to cook and eat a meal. Usually eaten in shifts with one of us looking after Kate.
7.30pm Kate tends to have a bottle every three hours but it is different times each evening as she has not settled into a routine. We try and leave it three hours between feeds otherwise she doesn't have enough at one feed and ends up snacking all evening which the health visitor said could be making her tummy worse. I am pretty sure that I can tell when she is crying because she is hungry or when it is just her 'usual' evening crying. Also, she tries to eat us if she is hungry. If that happens after 2 hours I will feed her.
10.00pm Kate has usually crashed out somewhere between 9.30pm and now and if we are lucky we will take her up and put her in her cot and get 1-2 hours sleep before her next feed.
10.30pm Piran wakes up crying. He is inconsolable until you take him into our bed where he is fine. He asks for cuddles and usually then goes go sleep horizontally across the bed with his feet in my back. I am then unable to sleep. This is not good!
I head downstairs to try and sleep on the sofa until Mr C brings Kate down to me when she wakes.
11pm-1am At some point Kate will wake up for a feed and I take her downstairs. Sometimes she drinks & goes back to sleep, other times she is awake for 2 hours.
At this point I give up sleeping in my own room and stay on the sofa.
3am-5am Kate will want another feed sometime around now. Usually we are unable to get her back to sleep before 5.30-6am when Piran wakes up demanding "muk and beebies".
The day starts here.
So, it is hard work but I can manage the Kate part. However, the not managing to sleep in my own bed and if I do it not being at the same time as Mr C is really starting to take its toll. I miss my husband. So I really think that we need to tackle the Piran issue first.
It is not Kate's crying that is waking him up because it is always after she has stopped.
He wakes at roughly the same time every night.
Could it be jealousy that the baby is in her cot in our room so he wants to sleep with us as well.
We are unable to put him back in his cot because he SCREAMS.
In the past we have let him cry and after one night it is usually solved, however he has developed this SCREAM and we just don't have the energy at the moment. We just want sleep and an easy life.
He is still in a cot. We are considering changing it to a cot bed. Any advice?
If we do change it to a bed what about afternoon naps? Because he goes down fine at night but naps are usually a different matter with crying for 10 minutes or so before sleep. If he could get out of bed would he just play? I was planning on putting a gate on his door to stop him escaping from his room.
Any advice on how to tackle this will be gratefully received because I really want to knock this on the head and my brain cannot cope with anything more complicated than remembering my own name and what we are having for dinner.
Wednesday, June 01, 2011
The Gallery: I'm grateful for...
I'm short of time so I have lifted this explanation of thus week's theme straight from Tara (I hope she will not mind!)
Today my lovely friend Chris is on the verge of a huge adventure.
In her own words in an email to be this week, she is "trying to pack, blog and be a mum and wife" in the midst of tearing her hair out. Because on Monday Chris is going on an amazing journey to Mozambique with Save the Children.
She has been invited along as part of their campaign to make a lot of noise ahead of the Global Vaccination Summit on June 13. The aim is to encourage the world's leaders plug the vaccination funding gap.
They want a fair deal for children the world over.
All YOU have to do is sign their petition.
At the moment 1 in 5 children don't receive any vaccinations whatsoever and millions are dying of preventable diseases as a result.
Chris's journey is about trying to raise awareness of that.
On her travels, she will also be meeting mothers whose children have died of pneumonia, and as she has an asthmatic child who has had the pneumonia vaccine herself, this will be a very personal journey for her.
So, this week's theme is: I'm Grateful For . . .
You will read a lot of posts about this event over the coming weeks, be asked to pass on the news, support their work.
And it's really really easy to have your eyes glaze over, click 'close' and move on.
Don't do that.
Support Chris and the rest of the team who are only doing all of this to help children.
I've just been over and signed now . . . it only takes a few seconds.
And then go give Chris a virtual hug: She is the most lovely and talent blogger and this will be a HUGE for her.
There are a million things that I am grateful for, from family and friends, having a wonderful place to live, being able to have children and stay home to look after them. That we have food and water and shelter and love. That we have access to healthcare and all the wonderful creature comforts that we have that make our life easier.
But right now, amid the chaos and sleep deprivation the one thing that I am most grateful for is one person. This one.
 | |
| Looking tired but very happy |
Have you signed that petition yet?
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