Tuesday, May 31, 2011
I would really, really love your vote *Sticky Post*
Please scroll down, there is a new post under this one that I would really love you to read.
It has occurred to me in the last 24 hours that the fact that the majority of my friends and family have no knowledge of this blog means that I am unable to ask them to vote for me. As much as I would love to win I am not ready to come clean and try and explain what it is all about!
So, I am leaving this post at the top of my blog for a while in the hope that if you see and read it you will take a little time and vote for me.
Pretty please, sugar on top x
It has occurred to me in the last 24 hours that the fact that the majority of my friends and family have no knowledge of this blog means that I am unable to ask them to vote for me. As much as I would love to win I am not ready to come clean and try and explain what it is all about!
So, I am leaving this post at the top of my blog for a while in the hope that if you see and read it you will take a little time and vote for me.
Pretty please, sugar on top x
Monday, May 30, 2011
26 days
We are in that strange situation where time is all mixed up at the moment. Some nights feel like they last a lifetime. Some weeks disappear in seconds. During a screaming fit I would swear that a minute was more like an hour. Mr C's month off is almost over and Kate is almost four weeks old. It has gone by so fast, but it also feels like she has always been here.
My parents have gone and as I tried to reclaim my house from the chaos and put everything back in some sort of order ? things happened. A shelf in a bookcase in the corner collapsed scuppering my plans for Friday afternoon as we had to fix it and reorganise. We found out Piran has chicken pox scuppering my plans for, well, the foreseeable future.
So, just as I was mentally preparing myself for the moment that I was in charge of two children on my own it turns out that as of tomorrow I am going to be in charge of two children on my own all day WITHOUT GOING OUT. Chuck in a little sleep deprivation, colic / crying stints that at the moment last two hours between almost every feed, a toddler who might have an infectious condition but actually is fine in himself so is bored and hyperactive, and the worst weather we have had in weeks and there is no chance for me.
Twitter is my only outlet at the moment and quite frankly I don't have anything interesting to say. To keep myself cheerful I am dressing Kate up in all the pretty outfits we have been given, just so she looks even more beautiful as she screams her head off for half the day.
This blog post was more interesting and made more sense in my head. Mind you, it is always a risk trying to write coherently at 2am.
Friday afternoon was horrific. My parents were due to leave at dinner time and Piran was at nursery and was going to stay with his Nanny and Grandad to give Mr C and I the chance to get a bit more organised. Then we got a phone call to say that Piran had suspected chicken pox, and suddenly it was bedlam with doctors appointments and picking him up. Why am I the only person that thinks of the practicalities, like not only taking Piran to the doctors but making sure he eats. I had the inlaws phoning and turning up to tell me how serious it is if a baby catches chicken pox. At that point I actually thought I would explode from stress. How completely unhelpful, as if I wasn't worried enough.
Then the trip to the doctor, who was running late. Amusing a tired, hungry toddler for an hour in a waiting room was interesting, and then he pulled 'that' face. You know the one. The I've been working on doing this poo all day face. Oh my the smell. And guess who, in the rush to leave had forgotten the nappy bag. I was mortified, and had to apologise to the doctor, who was tired and we were his last patients, for the awful stink.
Anyway, it was chicken pox which means we have to try and keep Piran away from Kate as much as possible and just hope she doesn't get it. Amid all this my parents left, which makes me so sad at the best of times. I was in floods of tears, it was so hard to say goodbye.
7pm Friday night was a very, very low point for me.
Onwards and upwards though. I have lost my shit so much this weekend it is untrue. I have had those horrible moments where I am convinced that Kate will only stop crying for her Dad, that she hates me and is crying at me (my rational brain says this is utter rubbish but it doesn't feel that way a lot of the time) and there has been a lot of tears. I try not to cry in front of Piran, because he looks so worried and throws himself at me in his haste to hug me better, but it can be so very hard.
It is just the fact that I was just starting to get out and about with a newborn and now I am housebound again.
Can anyone tell me what we can and can't do with poxy boy? If he seems well can we go out as long as there are no other people that he comes in contact with? If he is wrapped up and in the buggy at all times is that okay? Because frankly after a month of being stuck at home I need fresh air and something other than these four walls and garden to look at.
My parents have gone and as I tried to reclaim my house from the chaos and put everything back in some sort of order ? things happened. A shelf in a bookcase in the corner collapsed scuppering my plans for Friday afternoon as we had to fix it and reorganise. We found out Piran has chicken pox scuppering my plans for, well, the foreseeable future.
So, just as I was mentally preparing myself for the moment that I was in charge of two children on my own it turns out that as of tomorrow I am going to be in charge of two children on my own all day WITHOUT GOING OUT. Chuck in a little sleep deprivation, colic / crying stints that at the moment last two hours between almost every feed, a toddler who might have an infectious condition but actually is fine in himself so is bored and hyperactive, and the worst weather we have had in weeks and there is no chance for me.
Twitter is my only outlet at the moment and quite frankly I don't have anything interesting to say. To keep myself cheerful I am dressing Kate up in all the pretty outfits we have been given, just so she looks even more beautiful as she screams her head off for half the day.
This blog post was more interesting and made more sense in my head. Mind you, it is always a risk trying to write coherently at 2am.
Friday afternoon was horrific. My parents were due to leave at dinner time and Piran was at nursery and was going to stay with his Nanny and Grandad to give Mr C and I the chance to get a bit more organised. Then we got a phone call to say that Piran had suspected chicken pox, and suddenly it was bedlam with doctors appointments and picking him up. Why am I the only person that thinks of the practicalities, like not only taking Piran to the doctors but making sure he eats. I had the inlaws phoning and turning up to tell me how serious it is if a baby catches chicken pox. At that point I actually thought I would explode from stress. How completely unhelpful, as if I wasn't worried enough.
Then the trip to the doctor, who was running late. Amusing a tired, hungry toddler for an hour in a waiting room was interesting, and then he pulled 'that' face. You know the one. The I've been working on doing this poo all day face. Oh my the smell. And guess who, in the rush to leave had forgotten the nappy bag. I was mortified, and had to apologise to the doctor, who was tired and we were his last patients, for the awful stink.
Anyway, it was chicken pox which means we have to try and keep Piran away from Kate as much as possible and just hope she doesn't get it. Amid all this my parents left, which makes me so sad at the best of times. I was in floods of tears, it was so hard to say goodbye.
7pm Friday night was a very, very low point for me.
Onwards and upwards though. I have lost my shit so much this weekend it is untrue. I have had those horrible moments where I am convinced that Kate will only stop crying for her Dad, that she hates me and is crying at me (my rational brain says this is utter rubbish but it doesn't feel that way a lot of the time) and there has been a lot of tears. I try not to cry in front of Piran, because he looks so worried and throws himself at me in his haste to hug me better, but it can be so very hard.
It is just the fact that I was just starting to get out and about with a newborn and now I am housebound again.
Can anyone tell me what we can and can't do with poxy boy? If he seems well can we go out as long as there are no other people that he comes in contact with? If he is wrapped up and in the buggy at all times is that okay? Because frankly after a month of being stuck at home I need fresh air and something other than these four walls and garden to look at.
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| First ever dress! |
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
21 days
It seems so hard to believe that Kate is three weeks old already. All of that waiting beforehand and then suddenly time starts whizzing by.
Mind you, when she is crying her heart out each minute feels like an hour!
Things have been a bit more settled in the evenings. We doubled the dose of Infacol and she has been a bit easier. Sadly, the knock on effect is that she doesn't seem to want to sleep after her night feeds so I end up being up half the night. I prefer that to the full on screaming though. Maybe it is colic, maybe not, we are just taking one day at a time and trying to do things to help her. I had a good chat to the Health Visitor today and Kate is a great weight (10lb 8oz) and seems well so we just need to focus on the good points.
We took her to the Osteopath yesterday which was great. She definitely has a very hard tummy and she worked on getting it to relax a bit. She also had trouble turning her head to the left which she fixed and a very squished up head that could have been giving her quite a headache. Kate seemed to love whatever she was going to her head and it sent her into a deep sleep. I wish she could do that for us at night as well!
In other news Piran was roaring at me the other day (we were playing Lions) and I noticed a tooth coming through at the back. He has has 16 teeth for a year so I guess that this is one of his back molars. Since I noticed he has been really unsettled at night, and not just when Kate is crying. I am guessing that they are bothering him quite a bit.
They tag teamed me last night and if I wasn't up with Kate I had Piran in the bed with me. Hence the fact that I haven't actually slept since around 2am this morning! It is an experience, that is all I can say.
My mum and stepdad have been here for a week which has been nice. They are leaving in a couple of days and then we have one last long weekend before Mr C goes back to work. I am scared about being home with two children all by myself but I am quite looking forward to getting on with it. I expect Piran will be a nightmare next week has he has had company and been amused every moment of every day for the last three weeks. It usually takes him a while to remember how to amuse himself. So next week will be interesting I reckon.
I have good moments and bad moments. I am not very good with the crying I find it so very difficult. I think that it will be easier when my parents leave and we get to deal with it on our own, at the moment I kind of feel like I am being watched all of the time. As someone said to me recently, parenting with an audience is never easy. She is very right. I am very scared that I am unable to do this, to cope, but Mr C gives me pep talks and there are times when I feel good and times that are harder. That is the way with any new baby.
Anyway, it seems that both Piran and Kate are about to wake up so I must go. I miss writing and posting here so I begged for 20 minutes to myself to just record how I am feeling. Basically exhausted and anxious and quite stressed but taking time to cuddle and stare at this makes me feel much better.
Mind you, when she is crying her heart out each minute feels like an hour!
Things have been a bit more settled in the evenings. We doubled the dose of Infacol and she has been a bit easier. Sadly, the knock on effect is that she doesn't seem to want to sleep after her night feeds so I end up being up half the night. I prefer that to the full on screaming though. Maybe it is colic, maybe not, we are just taking one day at a time and trying to do things to help her. I had a good chat to the Health Visitor today and Kate is a great weight (10lb 8oz) and seems well so we just need to focus on the good points.
We took her to the Osteopath yesterday which was great. She definitely has a very hard tummy and she worked on getting it to relax a bit. She also had trouble turning her head to the left which she fixed and a very squished up head that could have been giving her quite a headache. Kate seemed to love whatever she was going to her head and it sent her into a deep sleep. I wish she could do that for us at night as well!
In other news Piran was roaring at me the other day (we were playing Lions) and I noticed a tooth coming through at the back. He has has 16 teeth for a year so I guess that this is one of his back molars. Since I noticed he has been really unsettled at night, and not just when Kate is crying. I am guessing that they are bothering him quite a bit.
They tag teamed me last night and if I wasn't up with Kate I had Piran in the bed with me. Hence the fact that I haven't actually slept since around 2am this morning! It is an experience, that is all I can say.
My mum and stepdad have been here for a week which has been nice. They are leaving in a couple of days and then we have one last long weekend before Mr C goes back to work. I am scared about being home with two children all by myself but I am quite looking forward to getting on with it. I expect Piran will be a nightmare next week has he has had company and been amused every moment of every day for the last three weeks. It usually takes him a while to remember how to amuse himself. So next week will be interesting I reckon.
I have good moments and bad moments. I am not very good with the crying I find it so very difficult. I think that it will be easier when my parents leave and we get to deal with it on our own, at the moment I kind of feel like I am being watched all of the time. As someone said to me recently, parenting with an audience is never easy. She is very right. I am very scared that I am unable to do this, to cope, but Mr C gives me pep talks and there are times when I feel good and times that are harder. That is the way with any new baby.
Anyway, it seems that both Piran and Kate are about to wake up so I must go. I miss writing and posting here so I begged for 20 minutes to myself to just record how I am feeling. Basically exhausted and anxious and quite stressed but taking time to cuddle and stare at this makes me feel much better.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Crying Baby, send wine. Or pear cider. Or Gin.*
I wrote a tweet at around 10.30 last night. It simply said:
So. Colic. #fuckme
For the past 24 hours I had been getting irate with anyone that suggested that Kate's crying was colic. I felt that it was too soon to 'label' it. I remember Piran crying in the evenings but I have been back and read my blog posts from around that time and it seems to have been around one hour every night and he was asleep by 9.30 on most occasions.
Last night Kate cried from around 6.30 to 10.30. You are able to calm her and stop the crying occasionally but each thing we try only lasts for five or ten minutes and then she starts again. It is full on screaming. She goes bright red and makes the most heartbreaking noises. I have never experienced anything like it.
Last night I refused to give her to anyone else and just tried to calm her, soothe her, or just hold her, to let her know that I am there for her.
By the time she fell into an exhausted sleep at 10.30 I was ready to admit that it is looking more and more likely that she has colic. Each night it has gotten progressively worse. The latest she has cried until is 11.30 but I think it depends on when she starts. It usually lasts between 3-4 hours. We get into this cycle of thinking she is hungry, trying to feed her, her refusing the milk, trying to wind her, trying to do just something to make her feel better. I find it so very frustrating that I cannot seem to help her, it breaks my heart.
Last night the screaming woke Piran as well, he was so upset. In the end I slept downstairs with Kate and Piran slept with Mr C in our bed. I can't think what will happen if this doesn't improve and goes on for months.
But once you get her settled and to sleep around 11 the rest of the night has been really straight forward, last night she woke at 12.30 and 3.30 for feeds, drank her milk and was back asleep with minimal crying within 30-45 minutes.
The support that I have got from the lovely people on Twitter has been as amazing as always. The best piece of advice has been from my lovely friend @mummylimited
remember you're NOT failing. It's not your job to stop the crying but to be there while she is crying (you or someone else)
I am trying to remember this. I am also starting to do some things that help me feel like I am in control. This starts with lists. It started last week with lists of times that she fed and how much she had. The past two days I have started making notes about when she cries, for how long, and anything else I notice. It makes me feel calmer, and I know that when I try and talk to the Health Visitor about it next week I will have facts, not vague recollections. It makes me feel that I am helping, doing something constructive.
Maybe it is colic, maybe it isn't. I am planning to see what the next two nights are like and then I may take her to the doctor on Monday just to discuss it. I was planning on taking her to the Osteopath in a couple of weeks anyway, so I may try to do that sooner. We are already giving her Infacol before each feed.
All help and advice is gratefully received. Did you have a colicky baby? What did you do? What worked, what didn't work? Will I damage my hearing forever if she screams next to my ear every night? Are we over reacting? Are we missing something? Is it pointless to worry as this evening is judgment day and we are all doomed (thankfully before the crying starts)?
At the end of it all though, she sleeps and looks like this. All is forgotten.
*Please note I will not drink when in charge of a screaming baby. I will wait until she has gone to sleep.
So. Colic. #fuckme
For the past 24 hours I had been getting irate with anyone that suggested that Kate's crying was colic. I felt that it was too soon to 'label' it. I remember Piran crying in the evenings but I have been back and read my blog posts from around that time and it seems to have been around one hour every night and he was asleep by 9.30 on most occasions.
Last night Kate cried from around 6.30 to 10.30. You are able to calm her and stop the crying occasionally but each thing we try only lasts for five or ten minutes and then she starts again. It is full on screaming. She goes bright red and makes the most heartbreaking noises. I have never experienced anything like it.
Last night I refused to give her to anyone else and just tried to calm her, soothe her, or just hold her, to let her know that I am there for her.
By the time she fell into an exhausted sleep at 10.30 I was ready to admit that it is looking more and more likely that she has colic. Each night it has gotten progressively worse. The latest she has cried until is 11.30 but I think it depends on when she starts. It usually lasts between 3-4 hours. We get into this cycle of thinking she is hungry, trying to feed her, her refusing the milk, trying to wind her, trying to do just something to make her feel better. I find it so very frustrating that I cannot seem to help her, it breaks my heart.
Last night the screaming woke Piran as well, he was so upset. In the end I slept downstairs with Kate and Piran slept with Mr C in our bed. I can't think what will happen if this doesn't improve and goes on for months.
But once you get her settled and to sleep around 11 the rest of the night has been really straight forward, last night she woke at 12.30 and 3.30 for feeds, drank her milk and was back asleep with minimal crying within 30-45 minutes.
The support that I have got from the lovely people on Twitter has been as amazing as always. The best piece of advice has been from my lovely friend @mummylimited
remember you're NOT failing. It's not your job to stop the crying but to be there while she is crying (you or someone else)
I am trying to remember this. I am also starting to do some things that help me feel like I am in control. This starts with lists. It started last week with lists of times that she fed and how much she had. The past two days I have started making notes about when she cries, for how long, and anything else I notice. It makes me feel calmer, and I know that when I try and talk to the Health Visitor about it next week I will have facts, not vague recollections. It makes me feel that I am helping, doing something constructive.
Maybe it is colic, maybe it isn't. I am planning to see what the next two nights are like and then I may take her to the doctor on Monday just to discuss it. I was planning on taking her to the Osteopath in a couple of weeks anyway, so I may try to do that sooner. We are already giving her Infacol before each feed.
All help and advice is gratefully received. Did you have a colicky baby? What did you do? What worked, what didn't work? Will I damage my hearing forever if she screams next to my ear every night? Are we over reacting? Are we missing something? Is it pointless to worry as this evening is judgment day and we are all doomed (thankfully before the crying starts)?
At the end of it all though, she sleeps and looks like this. All is forgotten.
*Please note I will not drink when in charge of a screaming baby. I will wait until she has gone to sleep.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Little old me, 'Best MAD Pregnancy Blog Finalist'.
My word. What a couple of weeks this has been.
New Baby.
Blogger of the week.
And now, a finalist in the MAD Blog Awards 2011 in the Best MAD Pregnancy Blog category.
So, if you were one of the people that nominated me, thank you. You have no idea how much it means to me, particularly as I didn't ask anyone to (not even Mr C this year).
It is funny really, as I am not pregnant anymore but thank you everyone that followed me on my journey, put up with the ranting and the worrying and the moaning and panicking. You were rewarded I hope with the letter to Thumper and the gorgeous baby pictures since Kate has arrived. Here, have another one!
If you are reading this please click on the box below and check out all of the wonderful blogs in each category and cast your votes. If it could include one for me I will give each and every one of you a Unicorn*.
Congratulations to my fellow finalists too:
*Sadly, unicorns don't exist. It's the thought that counts though eh?
New Baby.
Blogger of the week.
And now, a finalist in the MAD Blog Awards 2011 in the Best MAD Pregnancy Blog category.
So, if you were one of the people that nominated me, thank you. You have no idea how much it means to me, particularly as I didn't ask anyone to (not even Mr C this year).
It is funny really, as I am not pregnant anymore but thank you everyone that followed me on my journey, put up with the ranting and the worrying and the moaning and panicking. You were rewarded I hope with the letter to Thumper and the gorgeous baby pictures since Kate has arrived. Here, have another one!
If you are reading this please click on the box below and check out all of the wonderful blogs in each category and cast your votes. If it could include one for me I will give each and every one of you a Unicorn*.
Congratulations to my fellow finalists too:
*Sadly, unicorns don't exist. It's the thought that counts though eh?
Monday, May 16, 2011
Little old me, 'Blogger of the week'.
I think I probably have seconds to write this post before Kate wakes up! However I wanted to get this onto the blog so I remember it happened! Last Thursday I had a quick check of Twitter before the photographer turned up to take Kate's picture and I found a link to this in my @ mentions.
I am Blogger of the Week at Brit Mums this week! When I read the post I will admit to shedding a little tear, it was just so nice to read the lovely things they said. Check out the post, there are also 10 great foodie blogs for your perusal.
It also reminded me I need to change my blog header now, Thumper is no longer and Kate is here!
I am Blogger of the Week at Brit Mums this week! When I read the post I will admit to shedding a little tear, it was just so nice to read the lovely things they said. Check out the post, there are also 10 great foodie blogs for your perusal.
It also reminded me I need to change my blog header now, Thumper is no longer and Kate is here!
Sunday, May 15, 2011
First ten days
The thing with sleep deprivation is that my brain can hardly hold on to one thought before it is gone, mixed in with another, or completely forgotten within seconds. I'm at that wandering into a room and immediately forgetting why I am there stage. I can often be found stood in the kitchen staring aimlessly into space, no idea what I am doing.
I keep thinking of bits and pieces that I should blog. But now I am here (at stupid o'clock in the morning) I cannot remember any of it!
The past ten days have been the expected roller-coaster of emotions. Highs and lows and ups and downs. Kate is gorgeous, and I keep having these moments where I cannot believe that she is actually here, that I am not pregnant anymore. It's strange, I don't think I could completely let myself believe that she was a girl until she was really here and now she is it has taken me a while to get used to the fact. I have a daughter. I am so very happy about that.
The first week with Piran was the hardest, simply because after giving birth every single muscle in my body was agony, and each day would bring a new set of muscles that ached and as much as I wanted to I couldn't pick him up for a cuddle. So he saw me cuddling and holding Kate all the time and his little face was heartbroken. I am making up for it now though. Yesterday we had a great hour playing in the garden, drawing on the patio with chalks. This morning when he gets up I am going to take him out and go for a walk. I miss my boy!
The first week was a bit of a shock to Mr C and I. We didn't bring Piran home from the hospital until he was almost a week old so having Kate home the same day she was born was a totally different experience. We hardly knew what to do with a newborn. It was an experience, wonderful and terrifying at the same time. Now we are on more familiar territory but it is amazing just how much you don't remember from the first time round.
I 'met' a local photographer on Twitter and a few weeks ago she was asking for models for a newborn photoshoot so on Thursday she came to the house to take photos of Kate. She seemed really familiar and we happily chatted as we tried to get Kate to sleep so we could take the pictures. It took a while but in the end she fell into a deep sleep and we could try a few positions and take some pictures. Afterward we were talking as she waited to be picked up and I suddenly realised that I did know her, she was in the same swimming group with her son as us when Piran and I started swimming. It was like meeting an old friend, I'm glad my slow baby brain got there in the end! I think the pictures are amazing for one of her first attempts. I love them. Check out her website and blog for more of her photos - Leanne Miller Photography
The other inhabitants of the house are stirring so I must go. Back with more random thoughts sometime soon.
I keep thinking of bits and pieces that I should blog. But now I am here (at stupid o'clock in the morning) I cannot remember any of it!
The past ten days have been the expected roller-coaster of emotions. Highs and lows and ups and downs. Kate is gorgeous, and I keep having these moments where I cannot believe that she is actually here, that I am not pregnant anymore. It's strange, I don't think I could completely let myself believe that she was a girl until she was really here and now she is it has taken me a while to get used to the fact. I have a daughter. I am so very happy about that.
The first week with Piran was the hardest, simply because after giving birth every single muscle in my body was agony, and each day would bring a new set of muscles that ached and as much as I wanted to I couldn't pick him up for a cuddle. So he saw me cuddling and holding Kate all the time and his little face was heartbroken. I am making up for it now though. Yesterday we had a great hour playing in the garden, drawing on the patio with chalks. This morning when he gets up I am going to take him out and go for a walk. I miss my boy!
The first week was a bit of a shock to Mr C and I. We didn't bring Piran home from the hospital until he was almost a week old so having Kate home the same day she was born was a totally different experience. We hardly knew what to do with a newborn. It was an experience, wonderful and terrifying at the same time. Now we are on more familiar territory but it is amazing just how much you don't remember from the first time round.
I 'met' a local photographer on Twitter and a few weeks ago she was asking for models for a newborn photoshoot so on Thursday she came to the house to take photos of Kate. She seemed really familiar and we happily chatted as we tried to get Kate to sleep so we could take the pictures. It took a while but in the end she fell into a deep sleep and we could try a few positions and take some pictures. Afterward we were talking as she waited to be picked up and I suddenly realised that I did know her, she was in the same swimming group with her son as us when Piran and I started swimming. It was like meeting an old friend, I'm glad my slow baby brain got there in the end! I think the pictures are amazing for one of her first attempts. I love them. Check out her website and blog for more of her photos - Leanne Miller Photography
The other inhabitants of the house are stirring so I must go. Back with more random thoughts sometime soon.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Labour - the Twitter version
Wow. Our little girl was born a week ago. Just for posterity I wanted to record my tweets of what happened.
2nd May
8.15pm
My plan for this evening: Bath, bed, sleep. My plan for tomorrow: Have a baby. #positivethinking
3rd May
7am
Last night I dreamt that I had the baby in a caravan and she was 23 lbs. That's one dream I hope doesn't come true. Ouch!
2pm
Lunch at the pub nice & cleaning fairies have been in while we were out. I feel very tired and achy now though. Bath or nap???
6pm
Contractions started at 2, roughly every 10 minutes. Now they are around every 6 minutes. Not getting too excited, but fingers crossed.
8pm
Right, Twitter too distracting for now and forgotten to keep timing contractions so I am off for a bit. Will keep checking in.
9pm
Ah bugger, the contractions are irregular now. Going to head to bed and try to sleep. Reckon this could take days!
4th May
12.45am
Coming up for 11 hours worth of irregular contractions. They aren't stopping but not getting any more exciting! Can doze but not sleep.
6am
Contractions more painful and more often but not enough to go to the hospital yet.
7.30am
Just got to hospital.
9.34am
Kate Eva Cheesley born just after 9 this morning. Not sure about the weight yet. http://lockerz.com/s/98585334
10.30am
She was a healthy 9lbs 7oz and I managed with just gas and air.
2nd May
8.15pm
My plan for this evening: Bath, bed, sleep. My plan for tomorrow: Have a baby. #positivethinking
3rd May
7am
Last night I dreamt that I had the baby in a caravan and she was 23 lbs. That's one dream I hope doesn't come true. Ouch!
2pm
Lunch at the pub nice & cleaning fairies have been in while we were out. I feel very tired and achy now though. Bath or nap???
6pm
Contractions started at 2, roughly every 10 minutes. Now they are around every 6 minutes. Not getting too excited, but fingers crossed.
8pm
Right, Twitter too distracting for now and forgotten to keep timing contractions so I am off for a bit. Will keep checking in.
9pm
Ah bugger, the contractions are irregular now. Going to head to bed and try to sleep. Reckon this could take days!
4th May
12.45am
Coming up for 11 hours worth of irregular contractions. They aren't stopping but not getting any more exciting! Can doze but not sleep.
6am
Contractions more painful and more often but not enough to go to the hospital yet.
7.30am
Just got to hospital.
9.34am
Kate Eva Cheesley born just after 9 this morning. Not sure about the weight yet. http://lockerz.com/s/98585334
10.30am
She was a healthy 9lbs 7oz and I managed with just gas and air.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
A tale of two labours - The Hospital
I want to try and get this written down before it fades into the tiredness and inability to think that comes with severe sleep deprivation. It took me a month to be able to even consider sitting down and writing about my induction and labour last time, and it just goes to show the difference between the two experiences as this time I am so keen to record and remember everything that happened. I am trying to get it down and write a bit more every time I have a moment. Which isn't often! Also as it was a straightforward labour I thought it would be short but I have split it into two parts so it isn't too long a post.
Part one, what happened at home, is here.
So, at the end of my last post we had just taken the lift to the second floor and arrived at the delivery suite. I had been worried that coming to this place again would freak me out, the last time I was there we were escaping from SCBU with Piran. We had to walk part the ward where I had spent nine days and the SCBU to get into the delivery suite but I need not have worried, I was slightly distracted at this point!
From here on in I am a bit hazy on the details! It must have been around 7.40 am when we arrived at the delivery suite and were shown to a room. It was bang on shift change so they told us to make ourselves comfortable while I was assigned a midwife. Shortly after she came in and introduced herself. Her name was Yvonne and she was lovely. She asked if I had something to change into and while I was putting my hideous bright pink 'Funky Monkey' nightshirt on (I wore the same to have Piran) she pulled the bed out from the side of the room and asked me questions.
We were asked if we minded if a physiotherapist was present during the birth. I didn't really mind so we said that it would be okay. I think that they said that she did physio both during and after pregnancy but had never seen what happens in between. As it turned out, having her there was a bit of a blessing in disguise, as the midwife kept explaining what she was doing and what was happening and that really helped me with the feeling that things were progressing.
The midwife offered me gas & air which I definitely wanted by now. As I was having each contraction I would have to stop moving and hang on to the bed. The mouthpiece on the gas wouldn't go on properly and that was very annoying, after a few contractions they got a new one but to start with I was just holding it on.
I think at this point I started making involuntary noises at the top of each contraction. I couldn't tell if the gas was helping at all but it definitely encouraged me to breath properly, slowing down and taking longer breaths. The midwife said that the noises were a positive sign.
The baby's heartbeat was checked and sounded good. She asked if I wanted to be examined. Getting onto the bed was hard bloody work but I wanted to know how I was doing so she checked and informed me that I was 8cms dilated and had 'bulging' waters. I'm afraid to say my first thought was "Oh Fuck! It is too late for an epidural." I have always said with my first labour though that if I had known how quickly I would progress from 3cms to 8cms I might have done without the epidural so this was the point that I would prove that.
I think that I stayed on the bed from this point, although I can't be entirely sure. I could hear the midwife talking to the physiotherapist and explaining that she thought that my waters would go at any time. I think I had three more contractions, which were so intense and then suddenly a pop and a wave of my waters went across the bed. Mr C said it was quite shocking! He spent all the time stroking my head and talking to me through the contractions ensuring that I took deep breaths. It was easier for a while after my waters went, less pressure.
I remember feeling really despondent, that I couldn't do this and that I really just wanted to go home. I then wondered if I could be in transition as I knew that it tended to be at this point that people struggled. The contractions started to feel different and the midwife asked if I felt like pushing. I realised that that was what had changed and the noises that I was making were suddenly very different. Mr C says it was unlike anything he had ever heard. I can vaguely remember but I'm sure I could never recreate it.
The midwife was getting lots of things ready and I realised that things were really coming along. They took the gas and air away (WHAT! Give it back) explaining that it would stop me pushing effectively. I remember thinking that I just had to get it done now. I think it was around 8.30 at this point. She told the physiotherapist that when the baby was near to being born that they would need disposable aprons from the dispenser and I could hear her saying what would happen as I rested between contractions.
Nothing seemed to be happening so I changed positions for a while, on my knees on the bed, leaning over the top with Mr C there holding my hands and talking to me. God, that man was AMAZING. I can't tell you how much I love and admire him. I know how much he hates to see me in pain and he was just there, filling my vision, keeping me with him. Last time he had an almost fainted moment, this time he stayed right at the top end (he still hasn't recovered from his view of the business end last time) and just kept me focused.
I never seem to get the pushing right. I was making too much noise (silence is key apparently) and it seemed that I would only get the hang of it at the end of each contraction instead of bang on straight away. I know that there was a lot of apologising for doing it wrong, and apparently I swore at the midwife once. A few more tries and nothing was happening so I went back onto my back. The midwife knew that this baby was probably large and she said this was the best position to get the big babies out!
Suddenly I realised that the midwife had told the physiotherapist that they needed aprons quickly and that made me realise that this was really happening. A glimpse of the head and lots of hair, three more pushes and then it was happening. Push, breathe, wait, pant. More panting, a little pushing, panting, pushing.
OH MY GOD THE PAIN! (That was the shoulders)
And then whoosh. Baby.
9.03am
She didn't cry and they got the resuscitation bed in. It was scary, I just kept asking if she was okay and they said that she just needed a little bit of oxygen. They rubbed and rubbed and warmed her and gave her help to breathe and then she was crying and okay and wrapped in a towel and given to me. She had so much hair and a bruised nose and face from delivery but just seemed perfect.
I opted for the injection to help deliver the placenta and after a short while that was over. The midwife cleaned me up to check for tears but I only had a small one on the outside that didn't need stitches.
The midwife asked if I was planning to breastfeed. After much soul searching in the weeks leading up to this point I had made the decision that I would rather use formula, but had been worried that I would be given a hard time in hospital but she could tell I was hesitant and when I said that I had chosen not too she was wonderful, reassuring me that it was my decision and that whatever I decided was fine.
They cleared up and left and we were allowed to make telephone calls. I called my mum which was an amazing moment, she had no idea I had been in labour and to say she was excited is an understatement! Last time Mr C made all of the calls and it was so special to be able to tell her myself this time. I also called my Dad while Mr C text the world in general. Then I even tweeted about her arrival. I love my iPhone!
A different midwife came and weighed Kate and we got her dressed and warm for more cuddles and a bottle of milk. We had cups of tea and the midwife took my bloods. Then I went off for a bath while Mr C looked after her. Last time I had to sit for hours while the drip finished and I had a catheter and couldn''t get out of bed for hours and hours. This time I walked to the bathroom and washed and dressed myself. It was completely amazing. Last time I had this almighty rush of adrenaline which made me feel invincible and like shouting I did it. This time was different, I just felt so proud and happy that I had managed to make it a completely different experience, that my body had done its job and that I was pretty amazing.
Last time I was wheeled round to the ward on a bed and Mr C left almost straight away. This time I pushed my baby in her cot round to the ward and was back on my feet from the word go. As it was only 10.30 in the morning Mr C got to stay with us all day. We asked for a six hour discharge when we saw the midwife and then just lay around all day tweeting, emailing and texting everyone. We ate and rested and just marvelled at the beautiful baby girl that was finally here.
It took a little longer than expected but finally at 7pm we were allowed to leave. When Mr C put the car park ticket in the machine we realised that we had been there 20 minutes short of 12 hours. Last time we were there for nine days. A very different labour in every single way.
By 8pm we were home, We spent the first night just the three of us, and we all got some sleep. In the morning Mr C went to get Piran and the first day of the rest of our family life began.
Part one, what happened at home, is here.
So, at the end of my last post we had just taken the lift to the second floor and arrived at the delivery suite. I had been worried that coming to this place again would freak me out, the last time I was there we were escaping from SCBU with Piran. We had to walk part the ward where I had spent nine days and the SCBU to get into the delivery suite but I need not have worried, I was slightly distracted at this point!
From here on in I am a bit hazy on the details! It must have been around 7.40 am when we arrived at the delivery suite and were shown to a room. It was bang on shift change so they told us to make ourselves comfortable while I was assigned a midwife. Shortly after she came in and introduced herself. Her name was Yvonne and she was lovely. She asked if I had something to change into and while I was putting my hideous bright pink 'Funky Monkey' nightshirt on (I wore the same to have Piran) she pulled the bed out from the side of the room and asked me questions.
We were asked if we minded if a physiotherapist was present during the birth. I didn't really mind so we said that it would be okay. I think that they said that she did physio both during and after pregnancy but had never seen what happens in between. As it turned out, having her there was a bit of a blessing in disguise, as the midwife kept explaining what she was doing and what was happening and that really helped me with the feeling that things were progressing.
The midwife offered me gas & air which I definitely wanted by now. As I was having each contraction I would have to stop moving and hang on to the bed. The mouthpiece on the gas wouldn't go on properly and that was very annoying, after a few contractions they got a new one but to start with I was just holding it on.
I think at this point I started making involuntary noises at the top of each contraction. I couldn't tell if the gas was helping at all but it definitely encouraged me to breath properly, slowing down and taking longer breaths. The midwife said that the noises were a positive sign.
The baby's heartbeat was checked and sounded good. She asked if I wanted to be examined. Getting onto the bed was hard bloody work but I wanted to know how I was doing so she checked and informed me that I was 8cms dilated and had 'bulging' waters. I'm afraid to say my first thought was "Oh Fuck! It is too late for an epidural." I have always said with my first labour though that if I had known how quickly I would progress from 3cms to 8cms I might have done without the epidural so this was the point that I would prove that.
I think that I stayed on the bed from this point, although I can't be entirely sure. I could hear the midwife talking to the physiotherapist and explaining that she thought that my waters would go at any time. I think I had three more contractions, which were so intense and then suddenly a pop and a wave of my waters went across the bed. Mr C said it was quite shocking! He spent all the time stroking my head and talking to me through the contractions ensuring that I took deep breaths. It was easier for a while after my waters went, less pressure.
I remember feeling really despondent, that I couldn't do this and that I really just wanted to go home. I then wondered if I could be in transition as I knew that it tended to be at this point that people struggled. The contractions started to feel different and the midwife asked if I felt like pushing. I realised that that was what had changed and the noises that I was making were suddenly very different. Mr C says it was unlike anything he had ever heard. I can vaguely remember but I'm sure I could never recreate it.
The midwife was getting lots of things ready and I realised that things were really coming along. They took the gas and air away (WHAT! Give it back) explaining that it would stop me pushing effectively. I remember thinking that I just had to get it done now. I think it was around 8.30 at this point. She told the physiotherapist that when the baby was near to being born that they would need disposable aprons from the dispenser and I could hear her saying what would happen as I rested between contractions.
Nothing seemed to be happening so I changed positions for a while, on my knees on the bed, leaning over the top with Mr C there holding my hands and talking to me. God, that man was AMAZING. I can't tell you how much I love and admire him. I know how much he hates to see me in pain and he was just there, filling my vision, keeping me with him. Last time he had an almost fainted moment, this time he stayed right at the top end (he still hasn't recovered from his view of the business end last time) and just kept me focused.
I never seem to get the pushing right. I was making too much noise (silence is key apparently) and it seemed that I would only get the hang of it at the end of each contraction instead of bang on straight away. I know that there was a lot of apologising for doing it wrong, and apparently I swore at the midwife once. A few more tries and nothing was happening so I went back onto my back. The midwife knew that this baby was probably large and she said this was the best position to get the big babies out!
Suddenly I realised that the midwife had told the physiotherapist that they needed aprons quickly and that made me realise that this was really happening. A glimpse of the head and lots of hair, three more pushes and then it was happening. Push, breathe, wait, pant. More panting, a little pushing, panting, pushing.
OH MY GOD THE PAIN! (That was the shoulders)
And then whoosh. Baby.
9.03am
She didn't cry and they got the resuscitation bed in. It was scary, I just kept asking if she was okay and they said that she just needed a little bit of oxygen. They rubbed and rubbed and warmed her and gave her help to breathe and then she was crying and okay and wrapped in a towel and given to me. She had so much hair and a bruised nose and face from delivery but just seemed perfect.
I opted for the injection to help deliver the placenta and after a short while that was over. The midwife cleaned me up to check for tears but I only had a small one on the outside that didn't need stitches.
The midwife asked if I was planning to breastfeed. After much soul searching in the weeks leading up to this point I had made the decision that I would rather use formula, but had been worried that I would be given a hard time in hospital but she could tell I was hesitant and when I said that I had chosen not too she was wonderful, reassuring me that it was my decision and that whatever I decided was fine.
They cleared up and left and we were allowed to make telephone calls. I called my mum which was an amazing moment, she had no idea I had been in labour and to say she was excited is an understatement! Last time Mr C made all of the calls and it was so special to be able to tell her myself this time. I also called my Dad while Mr C text the world in general. Then I even tweeted about her arrival. I love my iPhone!
A different midwife came and weighed Kate and we got her dressed and warm for more cuddles and a bottle of milk. We had cups of tea and the midwife took my bloods. Then I went off for a bath while Mr C looked after her. Last time I had to sit for hours while the drip finished and I had a catheter and couldn''t get out of bed for hours and hours. This time I walked to the bathroom and washed and dressed myself. It was completely amazing. Last time I had this almighty rush of adrenaline which made me feel invincible and like shouting I did it. This time was different, I just felt so proud and happy that I had managed to make it a completely different experience, that my body had done its job and that I was pretty amazing.
Last time I was wheeled round to the ward on a bed and Mr C left almost straight away. This time I pushed my baby in her cot round to the ward and was back on my feet from the word go. As it was only 10.30 in the morning Mr C got to stay with us all day. We asked for a six hour discharge when we saw the midwife and then just lay around all day tweeting, emailing and texting everyone. We ate and rested and just marvelled at the beautiful baby girl that was finally here.
It took a little longer than expected but finally at 7pm we were allowed to leave. When Mr C put the car park ticket in the machine we realised that we had been there 20 minutes short of 12 hours. Last time we were there for nine days. A very different labour in every single way.
By 8pm we were home, We spent the first night just the three of us, and we all got some sleep. In the morning Mr C went to get Piran and the first day of the rest of our family life began.
Sunday, May 08, 2011
A tale of two labours - At home
I want to try and get this written down before it fades into the tiredness and inability to think that comes with severe sleep deprivation. It took me a month to be able to even consider sitting down and writing about my induction and labour last time, and it just goes to show the difference between the two experiences as this time I am so keen to record and remember everything that happened. I am trying to get it down and write a bit more every time I have a moment. Which isn't often! Also as it was a straightforward labour I thought it would be short but I have split it into two parts so it isn't too long a post.
I woke up on the morning of Tuesday 3rd May feeling like maybe something might actually happen that day. I chatted to Mr C and I suggested that to mark the first official day of his paternity leave we should go to the pub for lunch. I just had this feeling that it would be good to be active and busy.
When we got to the pub Mr C asked if he could have a drink! I suggested that it might be an idea to be able to drive later just in case as I was feeling 'achy'. We had a lovely lunch and then popped to the garden centre. When we got back I told him that I really needed to have a bath. I said I was having something like period pains but it was probably nothing. I got into the bath and tried to concentrate on reading my book and noticed that pains were coming and going. I told Mr C and he was very good, looking after Piran and staying out of my way. It was still happening at 4pm and they were coming every 8 minutes so we had a chat and decided that it might be a good idea to take Piran to stay at his Nanny's house. All of a sudden Piran was packed and off they went!
We had dinner although I didn't feel hungry and watched TV and I was using the laptop to time the contractions. I finally felt that it might be for real and said something on Twitter! I spent the next hour tweeting away which was wonderfully distracting but took my mind of it all. Then around 9pm it seemed that the contractions were irregular so I decided it was a good time to get some sleep. I took some paracetamol (Mr C asked me why I was taking it. Um, because it hurts!) We went to bed and I tried to sleep.
I managed to doze but just after midnight decided to get up for a bit. I tweeted and read blogs and even commented on some, although I think I may have been a bit waffly! Then I went back to bed at 2am. Between 2 and 3.30 I woke up each time I had a contraction. At 3.30 I decided to try and time them. At 4 I had to wake Mr C to ask him to time them for me as I couldn't concentrate enough. We made a cup of tea, got dressed and I walked around as each contraction happened. For weeks I have not been able to sleep as it is so hot at night, this night was freezing with a frost outside! Typical.
I first called the hospital at around 5am. I was having around 4 contractions every 10 minutes but they only lasted around 30 seconds. They asked me to wait another hour, to call if anything changed but that they didn't think it was time to come yet. They suggested a bath but I was happier just walking around - as each contraction started I would leave our bedroom and go and hang on to the door frame, or Piran's cot or the banisters. They started lasting around 40 seconds so I called the hospital again at 5.45. Again, they explained that they wanted to be sure that I was in full blown labour before we got there so we didn't get sent home again. They told me to try and stay until the contractions were lasting a minute each.
I decided to have a bath and would shout to Mr C each time a contraction started and finished. They started getting to around 45 - 50 seconds and the bath was nice but there was a point where I had to get out immediately and go to the toilet. Not my finest moment, cold, wet and naked on the toilet! Mr C got my dressing gown and I decided to stay out of the bath for a while. I got dressed and the contractions started getting much more painful. At around 6.50 I told Mr C that I didn't think I would cope much longer without help with the pain so I called the hospital expecting to need to convince them that I wanted to come in but they agreed immediately. Mr C took the bags to the car, I got myself and my pillow together and got out of the house in less than five minutes. It was 7am. I was so conscious that I didn't want to be spotted by our neighbours but a contraction hit just as I reached the car, so I stood clutching the door handle for a minute!
The contractions in the car were fierce, made worse by winding roads and having to sit still. I bit my pillow and tried to breathe the best I could. We got there at 7.30. Mr C got ready, I waited until another contraction had passed and we headed into the hospital. I remember telling Mr C to be sure he had put the carpark ticket somewhere safe.
Three more contractions, including one in the lift which was odd, and we were there.
I have written part two, what happened at the hospital, here.
I woke up on the morning of Tuesday 3rd May feeling like maybe something might actually happen that day. I chatted to Mr C and I suggested that to mark the first official day of his paternity leave we should go to the pub for lunch. I just had this feeling that it would be good to be active and busy.
When we got to the pub Mr C asked if he could have a drink! I suggested that it might be an idea to be able to drive later just in case as I was feeling 'achy'. We had a lovely lunch and then popped to the garden centre. When we got back I told him that I really needed to have a bath. I said I was having something like period pains but it was probably nothing. I got into the bath and tried to concentrate on reading my book and noticed that pains were coming and going. I told Mr C and he was very good, looking after Piran and staying out of my way. It was still happening at 4pm and they were coming every 8 minutes so we had a chat and decided that it might be a good idea to take Piran to stay at his Nanny's house. All of a sudden Piran was packed and off they went!
We had dinner although I didn't feel hungry and watched TV and I was using the laptop to time the contractions. I finally felt that it might be for real and said something on Twitter! I spent the next hour tweeting away which was wonderfully distracting but took my mind of it all. Then around 9pm it seemed that the contractions were irregular so I decided it was a good time to get some sleep. I took some paracetamol (Mr C asked me why I was taking it. Um, because it hurts!) We went to bed and I tried to sleep.
I managed to doze but just after midnight decided to get up for a bit. I tweeted and read blogs and even commented on some, although I think I may have been a bit waffly! Then I went back to bed at 2am. Between 2 and 3.30 I woke up each time I had a contraction. At 3.30 I decided to try and time them. At 4 I had to wake Mr C to ask him to time them for me as I couldn't concentrate enough. We made a cup of tea, got dressed and I walked around as each contraction happened. For weeks I have not been able to sleep as it is so hot at night, this night was freezing with a frost outside! Typical.
I first called the hospital at around 5am. I was having around 4 contractions every 10 minutes but they only lasted around 30 seconds. They asked me to wait another hour, to call if anything changed but that they didn't think it was time to come yet. They suggested a bath but I was happier just walking around - as each contraction started I would leave our bedroom and go and hang on to the door frame, or Piran's cot or the banisters. They started lasting around 40 seconds so I called the hospital again at 5.45. Again, they explained that they wanted to be sure that I was in full blown labour before we got there so we didn't get sent home again. They told me to try and stay until the contractions were lasting a minute each.
I decided to have a bath and would shout to Mr C each time a contraction started and finished. They started getting to around 45 - 50 seconds and the bath was nice but there was a point where I had to get out immediately and go to the toilet. Not my finest moment, cold, wet and naked on the toilet! Mr C got my dressing gown and I decided to stay out of the bath for a while. I got dressed and the contractions started getting much more painful. At around 6.50 I told Mr C that I didn't think I would cope much longer without help with the pain so I called the hospital expecting to need to convince them that I wanted to come in but they agreed immediately. Mr C took the bags to the car, I got myself and my pillow together and got out of the house in less than five minutes. It was 7am. I was so conscious that I didn't want to be spotted by our neighbours but a contraction hit just as I reached the car, so I stood clutching the door handle for a minute!
The contractions in the car were fierce, made worse by winding roads and having to sit still. I bit my pillow and tried to breathe the best I could. We got there at 7.30. Mr C got ready, I waited until another contraction had passed and we headed into the hospital. I remember telling Mr C to be sure he had put the carpark ticket somewhere safe.
Three more contractions, including one in the lift which was odd, and we were there.
I have written part two, what happened at the hospital, here.
Friday, May 06, 2011
Then there were two
I was very nervous about how Piran would react when he met the "Bubby" for the first time.
I shouldn't have worried, it was magical.
He laughs when she cries (most of the time) and calls her "Cake".
He came back into the house from staying at his Nanny and Grandad's house and I was just blown away by how big he was. I had forgotten that he could talk and run and was a little boy. He is so grown up all of a sudden.
People keep asking if Kate looks like Piran when he was small. At this age he was still covered in tubes in SCBU but this is my favourite photo of him when the tubes came off. I think he was around 4 days old.
I took this photo of Kate this morning. I love that they are wearing the same outfit.
I shouldn't have worried, it was magical.
He laughs when she cries (most of the time) and calls her "Cake".
He came back into the house from staying at his Nanny and Grandad's house and I was just blown away by how big he was. I had forgotten that he could talk and run and was a little boy. He is so grown up all of a sudden.
People keep asking if Kate looks like Piran when he was small. At this age he was still covered in tubes in SCBU but this is my favourite photo of him when the tubes came off. I think he was around 4 days old.
I took this photo of Kate this morning. I love that they are wearing the same outfit.
Wednesday, May 04, 2011
The Gallery: April
April for us has been all about being at home but being outside. A whole month with no rain. Piran discovering a love of being outdoors. Mr C having a helper in the garden for potting up and watering. Tidying up and making the garden child friendly. Picnic dinners on the bench. Ball games and bubbles and mess. Friends and alfresco lunches and afternoons hiding in the shade of the umbrella. The sound of ice cubes against glass. Watching as the garden springs to life and new and beautiful things appear every day. Of Piran spending all day from breakfast until bedtime in the garden and then crying when we tell him it is time to come in.
But my favourite memory of this April will always be three toddlers and a box of dirt.
But my favourite memory of this April will always be three toddlers and a box of dirt.
Tuesday, May 03, 2011
Bubbly fun
I am still here, just trying to stay active and busy as much as possible. I have completed a couple of sewing projects, started one more and been playing with a bubble machine in the garden with Piran this morning. I think I liked it more than him!
Mr C started his paternity leave today, although there is no baby he has arranged holiday and paternity so that he has the whole month of May off. It will do him the world of good to relax as he has had a very stressful time recently. So the baby not being here yet is giving us the opportunity to spend some quality time together, just the three of us. We are off to the pub for lunch in a bit too. Might as well make the most of the quiet before the storm.
Sunday, May 01, 2011
One and three quarters
Dear Piran,
Oh my. 21 months old, one and three whole quarters. I thought that these letters would get easier to write but if anything it is harder. Every day there is something else I learn about you, a new thing that you do and I try and store it all in my brain to bring out at times like this but it is getting crowded in there and I don't want to forget a thing. You amaze me every single day.
The past three months have been hard on everyone in our little family. You were ill for at least a month. Every time we thought you were getting a little bit better something would happen and you would relapse a little. Sometimes a lot. It will take me a long time to forget seeing you that poorly. Some days you lay on the sofa all day with just your quilt and the television on.
Your dad and I knew you were feeling very bad because you were quiet and there were no toys out at all and you didn't eat at all. One day you didn't speak at all and I hated it because oh, usually you are such a chatterbox. It is never quiet around here. You talk all the time. You shout and laugh and have great long conversations that I do not understand. I laugh and tell you to slow down and try and tell me what you want. You can tell us a lot though. You are good at putting words together too. You can ask where something is "Oh, where's bubba?", or tell me that you have found it "there he is". You tell us what you would like to eat (usually a banana or a biscuit), that you would like to go somewhere (usually Nanny's or outside).
You have lots and lots of words and you learn new ones every day. Everything bigger than a car is a Tractor. If you don't know the word you will try and show me. If you are hungry you go and get your bib. Each day you and I communicate even more and I love it. I love that you want to say goodbye every time you leave the room. That you cuddle me when I ask if I am lucky, and seek out cuddles towards the end of the day. If I ask for a kiss sometime you will bring your face to mine.
We ask you where the baby is and you pat your tummy. You pat my big round baby filled tummy too. I love that. You are so full of love for everyone that I am so very excited for you to meet your sister. It won't be long now. I know that it will all be new and confusing and that things will change but I promise that everything will be just fine.
You love to give us directions, to point out which way we should go and what we should do. When you first learned to walk you didn't really like it outside. Now you love it. You will happily spend a whole day in the garden and then cry and cry when we make you come in at night. You love to go out in your trike, have us push you along as you wave to everyone you see. You would spend every minute of your day with Nanny, Grandad and Auntie Ali. As soon as you see Ali your arms go up in the air. I don't get a look in.
You have the funniest expressions. You like to dance and do action songs, like wheels on the bus. Sometimes you get so excited about something you wave your arms and kick your legs, particularly in the car.You say "Wow" with an intake of breath when something excites you. You say "Oh-no" whenever you drop something or see something go wrong on the TV (every morning watching Thomas the Tank Engine, they are always crashing and having accidents). You love hats and wear one every day. We bought you a pair of sunglasses because you wore mine all the time and you wear them indoors too. You can hardly see what you are doing. You lift them up and say "Hello".
You love to help Daddy in the garden. You fill up the pots with soil when he is potting up. You have your own small watering can and you help water the plants (and your shoes and the grass). You play with the stones from the paths, moving them round and posting them through the gaps in the bench. You play ball and ride on your scuttlebug and like to sit down next to me on the bench to have a rest and a drink and then off you go again.
This is a difficult age I am sure. Sometimes you are so frustrated by not being allowed something immediately or at all that it gets to much and you lie down and cry and cry and cry. I know it is hard my darling, it will get easier I promise. Be gentle with me, I always want you to be happy I promise but sometimes you just cannot have what you want. I will always be there with a cuddle when you calm down I promise. You can be very hard work if you are tired or hungry. You don't always have to wriggle and cry when we try to get you dressed. You do have the funniest moody sulky face and occasionally you shoot me a look that is pure teenager. I'm sorry that I laugh.
I wrote this letter a few days early this time. Maybe you are a big brother already, maybe we are all still waiting for your sister to arrive. This letter seems more inportant than usual, as there are some things I want to say to you at the point that our family of three becomes four. You have taught me so much in the past 21 months since you arrived in our life all big and beautiful. You have taught me patience and that something you love can infuriate you so much. You have taught me to stop and capture amazing moments in life that could be seen as ordinary if I wasn't concentrating. You have taught me that laughter can dispel even the darkest mood. Oh, there is so much that I am thankful for, and I will never get it all down here.
Simply Buddy, you rock.
All my love
Mum x
The past three months have been hard on everyone in our little family. You were ill for at least a month. Every time we thought you were getting a little bit better something would happen and you would relapse a little. Sometimes a lot. It will take me a long time to forget seeing you that poorly. Some days you lay on the sofa all day with just your quilt and the television on.
Your dad and I knew you were feeling very bad because you were quiet and there were no toys out at all and you didn't eat at all. One day you didn't speak at all and I hated it because oh, usually you are such a chatterbox. It is never quiet around here. You talk all the time. You shout and laugh and have great long conversations that I do not understand. I laugh and tell you to slow down and try and tell me what you want. You can tell us a lot though. You are good at putting words together too. You can ask where something is "Oh, where's bubba?", or tell me that you have found it "there he is". You tell us what you would like to eat (usually a banana or a biscuit), that you would like to go somewhere (usually Nanny's or outside).
We ask you where the baby is and you pat your tummy. You pat my big round baby filled tummy too. I love that. You are so full of love for everyone that I am so very excited for you to meet your sister. It won't be long now. I know that it will all be new and confusing and that things will change but I promise that everything will be just fine.
You have the funniest expressions. You like to dance and do action songs, like wheels on the bus. Sometimes you get so excited about something you wave your arms and kick your legs, particularly in the car.You say "Wow" with an intake of breath when something excites you. You say "Oh-no" whenever you drop something or see something go wrong on the TV (every morning watching Thomas the Tank Engine, they are always crashing and having accidents). You love hats and wear one every day. We bought you a pair of sunglasses because you wore mine all the time and you wear them indoors too. You can hardly see what you are doing. You lift them up and say "Hello". 
I wrote this letter a few days early this time. Maybe you are a big brother already, maybe we are all still waiting for your sister to arrive. This letter seems more inportant than usual, as there are some things I want to say to you at the point that our family of three becomes four. You have taught me so much in the past 21 months since you arrived in our life all big and beautiful. You have taught me patience and that something you love can infuriate you so much. You have taught me to stop and capture amazing moments in life that could be seen as ordinary if I wasn't concentrating. You have taught me that laughter can dispel even the darkest mood. Oh, there is so much that I am thankful for, and I will never get it all down here.
All my love
Mum x
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