A month of Sundays - March

Last day

Today is my last day at work. I have been looking forward to this for the past three weeks, as I have worked up to 36 weeks this time (I left at 33 last time and that was a much better idea!). I have had my embarrassing presentation, been given some sweet baby gifts, and visited the pub for lunch. Now I am just waiting to go home (couldn't resist one last quick blog from work. It's a long time since I did this actually. I was far too well behaved).

I feel strange. It is not like last time at all. I don't think the fact that I am seriously sleep deprived and a little bit under the weather is helping much.

I had a ten minute cry in the toilets before 8.30, it was all a little overwhelming to be honest. And I'd made a hole in the knee of my leggings with my handbag which was obviously the end of the world.

I think today, for the first time it has hit me.

I am going to have another baby.

I know, I know, the bump on my front that moves of its own accord should have given it away before now.

I want this baby so much. I am looking forward to having a few short weeks that include two days all to myself before she arrives. I need to find a bit of time and energy to focus on myself and on her to prepare for when she arrives. I know how lucky I am, I know that I have friends that will not have that luxury. Piran will still go to nursery two afternoons a week and to his grandparents for a day and a half. Good job too if this morning was anything to go by - by 7am (30 minutes before we were due to leave) he was standing by the door with shoes in one hand, coat in the other shouting 'Nanny'. Nice to know where we stand eh?

What is going to happen? What will this baby be like? Will she be happy and content? Will she cry 24 hours a day? Will she ever sleep? In a way second time round is a bit worse I think because although I have blocked a lot of it out I still have a fair idea of what is coming. I am not sure what I did with Piran all day in the early days but I do remember having to get Mr C to make me toast in the morning before he left so I would be sure to eat something that day. I can remember 8pm bedtimes and not managing a shower at times. I remember having very little time and energy but now we have our little monkey chops running about the place, keeping me on my toes with cries of Choo-choo, juse-juse and beebies.

And what will he think of the new arrival? At 20 months he really has no comprehension of what is about to happen! Someone said to me at least he will never remember a time when there was just him, which I suppose is a benefit, but a little sad in a way. I hope I can remember though. It's been an amazing time, so hard but so very, very worth it.

Well, whatever happens we will deal with it.

We will be a family of four. Two adults, best friends and partners. Two children to drive us mad and overwhelm us with love in equal measures.

What do you do when your dreams actually come true?

Review: Babyroyale Luxury Baby Blanket

Initial thoughts: When I heard that the baby blanket we were being sent to review was made from bamboo I was interested to know what it would be like. I have used bamboo nappies in the past and found them to be very soft. When we received the blanket I was surprised at the design, it is quite rustic and woven, but it is incredibly soft.

I liked: The blanket is unusual and very lovely indeed. Perfectly soft for a newborn baby and it is much lighter than I imagined so folds up small and would be great for chucking into a bag when out and about just in case. I had the white blanket but there is also a blue and pink version available.


I didn't like: At £35 I thought the price is quite high for a small simple blanket but this is aimed at the luxury market and would make a very special gift for someone.

Overall: The bamboo that this blanket is made from means that it is also naturally hypoallergenic and antibacterial which I found interesting. It is a soft and silky blanket and will definitely be going into my hospital bag as it will be perfect for bringing our new arrival home in.

Further information: The Babyroyale luxury baby blanket is available from Babyroyale directly or from the online nursery shop Hello Baby.  Hello Baby also sells a wide range of other baby and nursery stuff including Baby Toys, nursery furniture, travel and safety products.

Amazing

I never understood how amazing small children really were. I mean I knew that they would learn but I had no idea that they would change so quickly or so soon. Piran amazes me every day with what he learns and what he already knows.

I could sit here and wax lyrical about how special he is, how advanced, but I actually think that it is my ignorance that makes me feel that this is the case. I just never spent any time around small children before.

He is very good at playing by himself. If the mood takes him he can play for long periods of time at imagined games. Most of the time I am unsure of the rules but he seems happy and if there is anything he wants then he will ask me for it (usually 'Choo-choo' or 'more cars'). He is very good at building towers and loves making things with his mega bloks.

He wants to know and learn so much these days. He is interested in everything that I do. It is the day to day stuff that he wants to do now. Things in the kitchen, loading the washing machine, wiping things. He understands the instructions that I give him. Now it has warmed up he loves being outside with his Dad, watering the plants, poking and prodding and working things out.

I love to show him things, but even more I love to watch. The concentration on his face. The furrowed brow as he tries something over and over. The smile that lights his face as he works something out. At this age all they do is play, I find it so fascinating how everything they do teaches them something new.

Amazing.

Silent Sunday #19

If I had time...

Photo credit - click on image

...I would...

write some letters.
file all my emails and clear my inbox.
write up all my pending reviews.
pack my hospital bag.
go shopping and stare at small baby clothes.
design a new blog header.
organise the spare room.
sew presents for people.
make Piran some trousers.
make Mr C a quilt.
search the internet for things to make.
comment on all my favourite blogs.
pamper myself.
read a book.
read the last two Ideal Home magazines.
have a cup of tea.
write some blog posts.
make Piran a birthday card to send to cbeebies.
bake cakes for people at work.
clear all the ironing.
empty and sort the last two cupboards.
do something nice for someone.
sit in the sunshine.
get the washing off the line.
make something for me.
go to the shops to buy fabric and ribbon.
sort and organise all my fabric.
find a place for everything.
browse the antiques shops in Lewes to fill my dresser with pretty things.
sit in a cafe and write.
send a postcard to all of my friends to cheer them up.
cuddle my husband.
take things to the charity shop.
straighten my hair.
paint my nails.
smile at a stranger.

I originally wrote a very similar post back in July last year. I came across it when searching for a post for this week's blog hop and I thought I would just write an up to date version!

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The Gallery: Education

I loved school. Particularly primary school. My mum will tell anyone that asks that I used to be the last one out of the gates, after hanging back as long as I was allowed. I'd also still look as pristine as the moment I walked into school that morning.

*sigh* It was hard being that perfect.

Am I missing something?

I am feeling a bit better than I did last week but am now wandering round in a constant state of confusion. I have a vague memory before Piran was born of spending weeks preparing for his arrival. This time round it is like I am not sure what I need to do before Thumper arrives.

So far I have (with help from Mr C):

Put together the crib.
Arranged to buy Bec's Phil and Teds buggy.
Bought, washed and put away small vests and baby grows (what other items of clothing will she need?).
Sorted and washed baby blankets, sheets and sleeping bags.

I know I need to:

Collect aforementioned buggy.
Pack hospital / labour bag.

Is there anything else?

If the answer is really obvious then please don't judge me / send social services round.

P.S. Thumper doesn't get a nursery until later in the year as it is currently our spare bedroom required for my sewing machine the influx of grandparents / visitors once she arrives.

Silent Sunday #18

Review: Pregna-Pillo

Initial thoughts: When I received the pillow I was surprised as it was much smaller than I had expected. I have a pillow from my first pregnancy that is huge and took up half the bed so the smaller size was appealing. I did wonder if it would make a difference though. By this point in my pregnancy I was using various pillows, arranged in particular ways that made getting in and out of bed, and turning over in the night like a military operation!


I liked: It took me a couple nights to work out how to use this pillow. Initially I found that the top dug into my ribs as I had it perpendicular to my body. I have since realised that it is much better on an angle and if I tuck the bottom right under the bump up against my hip and have the top corner poking out it is perfect. One by one all of my other pillows have disappeared and I now use this pillow only. It's a revelation!


I didn't like: I would say that there is a knack to using this pillow but once you work out how to use it and get comfortable I cannot fault it at all.


Overall: This pillow has made my nights so much better. Not only is it small, compact and does a brilliant job it has also solved the problems I was having when Piran was in the bed with us, as previously the pillows I was using prevented me from cuddling him. This pillow does not get in the way at all which has been amazing. It has a removable, washable cover and can also be used after the baby is born as a support for breastfeeding.


Further information: Check out the Pregna-Pillo website for further information and testimonials from customers. The pillow is for sale on the website for £24.99 plus P&P but I also found it on Amazon for £23.99.

Adrift

I am feeling very peculiar at the moment.

I am sure that it is all down to hormones but I every day it is like I am adrift on a sea of emotion and I can't say I like it. I mentioned on Twitter a while ago that when the baby moves I get hit by waves of emotion, like I am on the verge of tears. It is an odd feeling and not one that I can say I like. When I tell Mr C he suggests a good old cry but it is not quite like that. The emotion is there, the waves crash against my chest but I can't seem to let it out at all.

I have started to feel like it more and more, not just when Thumper is having a good old wiggle. It doesn't help that I am wandering round in that particular pregnancy daze, where simple words are forgotten, tasks impossible to remember. It makes me feel like I am floating on a turbulent sea. I need some kind of anchor.

Looking after Piran helps in a way, although I feel more and more frustrated as it becomes harder and harder. I can't seem to get used to being this size, I am constantly knocking things over with my bump, getting stuck in gaps I think I can get through and opening doors into my stomach. There are things that I want to do but can't. Each day there is a pinnacle, where I feel that I might just be getting on top of things and then the tiredness hits and by the end of the day I am all gnarled up inside, convinced that I am failing in some way, because my house is a mess, I can't bend down to tidy up, my husband has no clean vests. The smallest little thing becomes the biggest failure.

Not getting any decent sleep really doesn't help. I wake at least every hour, pains in my hips from the weight of my bump. The need to go to the toilet every 30 minutes, the heartburn, feeling like acid pools in my throat making me so uncomfortable. The insomnia, around 3 every morning where I lay there while Mr C and Piran sleep, giving myself a hard time about wasting good rest time when there is nothing I can do about it.

And now. Now I have written this I feel the usual guilt. Guilt that I am not enjoying this pregnancy. Guilt that I know so many other women out there would give anything to be in my position, to have babies, to be pregnant. I feel ungrateful and evil. I have no right to feel like this, to right to complain. I feel I have to say, please do not misunderstand me. I am aware how lucky I am and how happy I should be and I want this baby with my whole heart. I'm just not coping too well right now.

So there I am again, adrift on my sea of emotions. Pain, frustration, anger, sadness and now guilt. I can't wait until I see the shore and can stand on solid ground again.

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33 weeks, the comparison photographs.

I spent a while this weekend reading back over my posts from when I was pregnant with Piran. At 32 weeks I left work and posted these pictures. As I hit 33 weeks yesterday I asked Mr C to take a photograph for comparison. I wore the same top and stood in the same place. I have tried to get the photos to be a similar size too.

So this is me in June 2009.

And this is me yesterday. I have no idea what is going on with my hair. Please try to ignore it.

So, is it me or do I have a smaller bump this time? I certainly don't look as puffy!

Silent Sunday #17

Outside in the fresh air

Inspired by Rachel's post post this week over at Tales from the Village I went outside in the sunshine to take some pictures of my favourite early spring flowers, the hellebores. Turns out that with their pretty little faces turned towards the ground they are not the easiest flowers to photograph, especially as a very lumpy pregnant person who makes involuntary noises as she moves these days! Still, a couple came out well and they are so pretty. I even managed to catch a bee tucking into a nectar treat.

It was so nice to just be outside in the fresh air, not going anywhere. Our garden is starting to look alive again and Mr C has been working hard to fill it with new plants this year. He has agreed to a year off from vegetables as they take up a lot of his time and I know that it would all be a bit much with a toddler and a newborn this summer. I want him to be able to relax and just enjoy using the garden for a change.

I couldn't write this post without a gratuitous picture of the new love of his life - his new coldframes. He likes them an awful lot!

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Those magical moments in pregnancy #4

My motto when pregnant is never leave anywhere without going to the toilet first.

Which is why, after a doctors appointment for Piran a week or so ago I made use of the facilities before heading home. It's a single, disabled style toilet in the waiting room.

I shut myself and Piran in and sat down on the toilet and proceeded to do the necessary. Piran then proceeded to wander over to the door, turn the lock and press down on the handle. The door swung open revealing me to the packed waiting room.

I have never stopped peeing and pulled my trousers up so fast! No mean feat for a 7 month pregnant woman I tell you.

I slammed the door shut and held onto him while I finished what I had started. I still had to do the walk of shame through the waiting room afterwards though.

So embarrassing!

Review: Emma Jane Maternity Pyjamas

Initial thoughts: I am having huge amounts of trouble with trousers now I am getting bigger with this pregnancy and was in desperate need of something comfortable to wear to bed. When I was approached to see if I would like to review one of the maternity bras from Emma Jane I asked instead for a pair of maternity pyjamas and they sent me some to review.

We liked: I love these so much. The fabric is soft, stretchy and oh so comfortable. The trousers go over the bump which is perfect for me as I find anything pressing under or on my bump very painful. The top is fitted and ruched at the side to accommodate my growing tummy. They are black with a pretty lace trim and look very nice indeed. They are so comfortable to sleep in.

We didn't like: The only small thing that I might change is the length of the legs, as these are cropped and I would like full length trousers. Also, the v neck and stretchy material are designed for easy breastfeeding which is fantastic but I have found that occasionally I get up in the night to find one of my breasts has escaped. So long as I don't answer the door to any early morning callers I am sure it will be fine.

Overall: I wish that these came in other colours as I would definitely love another set, but it would be nice to have a change. Check out the Emma Jane website for a list of outlets and web stockists. I have found them on Amazon for £26.90 today which I think is great value, considering the only time I have not worn these at least once a day is when they have been in the wash.

Further information: Check out the Emma Jane website to see all of their products and stockists. They also have an Emma Jane blog, where they recently published one of my posts on breastfeeding.


Disclosure: I was sent a pair of maternity pyjamas free of charge for the purpose of this review.

It just doesn't work

Piran has never been a consistent sleeper but this week has been waking every hour or so. The best way for us to deal with this is have him in bed with us. Which is normally fine but a 6 foot tall man, a toddler and a 7 month pregnant lady don't fit too well in the bed. It's Piran "Starfish" C that's the problem!

So we have been managing this by one of us sleeping in the spare room, with the other one sharing our bed with Piran.

Last night went like this:

Piran: Waaaaaaaaaaah

Mr C: There, there. *cuddle* *backrub*

Piran: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz


Later, when we switched & it was my turn.


Piran: Waaaaaaaaaaah
Me: There, there. *cuddle* *backrub*
Piran: *wiggle* *sits up* *lies down on my head*
Me: Piran, that's not very comfortable.
Piran: Mum-meeee, mum-meeee, mum-meeee.

At this point Thumper wakes up and starts using the inside of my stomach as a treadmill. I cry out in pain, and realise that I have to move. Extract Piran from my head and try to get comfortable.

Piran: Waaaaaaaaaaah

Acid washes up my throat meaning that I have to sit up and drink milk.

Piran: WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH

Me: Piran honey, Mummy is very sorry, but she has to make herself feel better and arrange her pillows before she can cuddle you.

Piran: WAAAAAAAAAAAH

Mr C: *appearing in doorway* Shall I sleep in here?

Me: I just can't do it. Waaaaaaaaaaah

Piran: Waaaaaaaaaaah

Mr C: There, there. *cuddle* *backrub*

Piran: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz


When I thought about being pregnant I knew it would be hard with a toddler, running around after him, the lifting, the nappy changes.

I didn't think about the nights. I can look after him but I can't do it in bed. Which means going downstairs to sit in the chair or sofa. Which in turn doesn't help him get back to sleep. It's frustrating and sad that I can't really help. Mr C has to take the brunt of it at night. I hate being unable to look after my boy. However I just have to accept it, and I do realise that I will have the new baby to look after at night soon, and Mr C will be in charge of Piran, so it's all just starting a little earlier.

At least I had 6 hours sleep in the spare room last night!

Helpless

Piran is ill.

He was fine on Wednesday morning last week but then he spent all afternoon sat on his Nanny's lap. He had a temperature, a cough suddenly appeared and he was off his food.

It has been like that pretty much since then until now. He perked up a little on Thursday but then ate nothing on Friday. Every day he seemed a little worse. Every day he did a little less, wanted us to be with him a little more. Since Saturday he has been sat on the sofa, or on the bed, watching TV. He has not wanted a single toy out, we have not had to clear up the carnage that usually litters our house by bedtime at all over the past three nights.

This is the first time that he has been ill that he can also communicate what he wants and needs (within reason). We are firmly in the realm of yes and no answers but it is strange to see him adamant about what he wants. I have spent today coaxing him to sip water and eat fruit, anything to keep his fluids up.

Recently I had been finding chasing a nineteen month old around quite a struggle. The belly is getting bigger and he is getting more challenging. Getting dressed, nappy changes, going out have all become a struggle as he runs away or wriggles or kicks. He wants us to chase him, thinks it is a game. Oh it is frustrating and hard going on my lumbering great body, and Mr C's patience.

But this week he just lies there. Nappies and clothes and taken on and off without a murmur. I don't like it, it scares me and I long for a wriggle or a kick or even just a sign that he would be happy to stand up for me. I have never had this many cuddles but I would trade them for a cheeky smile, or a laugh or even him walking out of the room.

He has stopped talking too. This scared me the most. He is whimpering and says the occasional 'Mummy' but that is all. Usually the chatter is constant. Sometimes I understand, other times I don't but there is always noise. I don't like it when my baby is silent. I feel so helpless.

He is getting a bit better though I think. Restless tonight, I can hear him stirring upstairs, he is in bed with Mr C he wakes and cries and we have to coax him back to sleep. I know he would feel better if he could just sleep properly. I know I would feel a lot less helpless if I could sleep too.

Silent Sunday #16

The Gallery: Simple Pleasures

This week the gallery is all about simple pleasures. Life can be so full on and hectic but it is always nice to slow down and do something that I love that makes me feel good. Since being pregnant with Piran I have discovered my creative side. I now sew and crochet and love to make things for others. Making gifts in particular is so satisfying, I love to make something for someone and as I do think about them and what I wish for them and hope that when they receive the gift that they will not only like it but that also some of those good wishes go along with the item for them.

I cannot beat an hour or two in solitude (made all the more sweet by its rarity) and making something beautiful.

Review: Ovi Own Voice Software for the Nokia N8

Initial thoughts: When we received the delivery from the States I was very excited. It contained a suitcase with a magical pop up book and the new Nokia N8 phone. Totally amazing. After charging up the phone I tried to use it but have to admit I found it all very confusing. I think having an iPhone has ruined me for life. I used to love Nokia's! Luckily I was meant to be reviewing the Ovi Own Voice software, not the phone.

I liked: It was easy to find the software on the home screen and quick to connect to my home broadband connection. It was simple to create a new voice pack by following the on screen instructions. You were told to make sure you were in a quiet place and to relax and speak naturally. It encourages you to be creative if you like too. I recorded my own voice but you could use anyone. The kids would be fun! I recorded mine quite normally but had fun shouting "Oi! Don't Speed, you don't want another ticket do you?' instead of 'Observe speed limit' in preparation for using while Mr C was driving. If you don't want to listen to yourself there are other people's voice packs you can use and I was happy to see a Cornish one, which would have reminded me of home. If you like yours a lot you can share it with the world too.


I didn't like: I hate hearing my voice recorded, convinced that I sound like a cross between a five year old and a Teletubby. But that is just me and I can see that it would be nicer than listening to the normal SatNav voices, especially if you recorded your kids. When I was recording the commands I found at times that I was a bit keen to hit the stop recording button and chopped the end off what I was saying so had to re-record. Sadly, when I tried to use the phone outside of my home I just couldn't get it to work so I have been unable to test the actual SatNav itself.

Overall: I actually tend to use the SatNav without the voice on anyway, so I don't think this is something that I would purposefully use. However if I did buy the phone it is a nice little thing to have and the software is on the phone and simple to use. From looking at the website it is free to download and there seems to be a list of compatible handsets. I think I may have liked it more if I got to take it out and about with me, and I think Piran would have found it fun to hear my voice coming out of the phone.


Disclaimer: I was sent a Nokia N8 phone in a snazzy suitcase with an amazing pop up book in order to review this piece of software. Sadly I have been unable to use the phone outside of the house and my attempts to contact the PR have not worked so I have only reviewed the Ovi Own Voice application here, which was the point but it would have been nice to try it out on the road. This is why it has taken me a couple of months to write the review as I kept hoping that I would be able to get it working.