A short list of things Piran has learnt this week

This time Piran is stealing from Victoria.

1. How to give proper cuddles, with arms round someone, with optional back / head stroking.

2. How to stand on the furniture (Mummy's heart cannot take this).

3. That if you stand up on the armchair then step backwards you fall and bonk your head!

4. Mummy can be quite grouchy if you hit her in the face repeatedly at 1am.

5. When Mummy points the camera at you she really loves it when you say 'Cheese'.

6. How to say 'New Shoes'.

7. To blow a kiss at Mummy when she puts me in my cot and say Na-Naa (goodnight)

8. Sleeping in bed with Mummy is fun, but she looks very grumpy if she wakes up to find me sleeping starfish style in the middle of the bed.

9. Mackerel pate is yummy.

10. Having my haircut is very strange, and a bit upsetting but I get cake afterward.

Want to know more?

A month of Sundays - January

Silent Sunday #11

Review: Milk and More

Initial thoughts: When I was contacted and offered the chance to review the service from Milk and More I was very interested although I had never heard of them before. They kindly set me up with some credit in my account and then it was up to me to order. 

We liked: I find the website very easy to use. If you pop in your postcode it tells you the name of your milkman and the days that he delivers. We have used the service on a number of occasions, you just make sure you have placed your order by 9pm the night before a delivery day and in our case it has been on our doorstep by 7am the next morning. The milkman came a little later on the first delivery to ensure that he had the correct house too which I thought was great service. All of the products that we have ordered have been in stock and good quality. There is a variety of items available, the obvious milk, dairy, juice as well as a small range of other groceries. A bit like the stock of a small corner shop I would say. Delivery is free and we can get three deliveries a week if we want. You can set up a regular delivery or just get items delivered on a one off basis.

We didn't like: The prices are a bit more expensive than our usual supermarket but not hugely so. The biggest difference I noticed was on the price of milk, but it is easily written off against the price of petrol getting to town for us to the shops. In the past month the delivery days in my area changed and I don't think that we were notified at all, so when I went to order for delivery one day I found out that I couldn't get anything for two days. That said the new days actually suit us better so it worked out okay.

Overall: We seem to be getting in the habit of getting a delivery of bacon and eggs every Saturday morning which has been perfect. I can see that I will definitely continue to use the service, I suspect it will be a godsend when the new baby comes. We used it when it there was heavy snow forecast and it meant that we had the basics just in case we couldn't get to the shops.

Piran helping me unpack our delivery this morning.

 Further information: Check out the Milk and More website for further details.

Disclosure: I opened and account with Milk and More and they kindly credited my account with money so that I could make repeated purchases to test the site. We then ate and drank everything we ordered!

Tears and confusion

I cried in Boots today. How utterly embarrassing. I stood there, all wrapped up in my parka, with Piran in the Xplory and big tears started sliding down my face. I had gone in to buy Piran shampoo but that wasn't what set me off. As I weaved my way between the baby aisles I noticed the Tommee Tippee bottles and stopped to have a look.

It is not the bottles and it is not the fact there will be a small baby. It is that I am scared. I am not scared of having a second child. I am not scared of the hard work, the sleep deprivation or the intense changes that we have coming up in the next few months. I am scared of breastfeeding.

I am also scared of writing this post, although it is in my head, crowding out all thoughts a lot of the time. This is my place, where I can write and vent and let go but breastfeeding is such an emotive subject that I am afraid of what people will think of me if I say all this. It has to be done though, so please just remember that this is how I feel about my situation. I have to get it out, that is for sure, I cannot just wander round sobbing in public.

I wrote this post The F-Word 12 weeks after Piran was born. It explains our journey with feeding and how he ended up being bottlefed. I can't actually read it back the whole way through at the moment.

There is a lot behind it, all tied in with him being ill and such a strong willed hungry little man but in its simplest form for many reasons when I tried to breastfeed Piran it did not go so well and in the end I found myself angry at him, resenting him, full of horrible bad feelings towards my own baby son. So I stopped breastfeeding. I stopped trying to breastfeed. I did express as much milk as I could and gave him every last drop until after two weeks my milk dried up.

Over the past 18 months I have come to terms with all of that. He is a beautiful, healthy wonderful child and as far as I can tell formula has done him no harm. I am happy and completely convinced gave him the best start that I was able to give.

But now I am here again. Thumper is growing, kicking, moving, making her presence known. In a few short months all being well I will hold her in my arms. I am dealing with my fears about birth, but ever present and unable to ignore is my fear of breastfeeding.

I know it is not meant to be easy. It is not simple and both of us will have to learn how to do it. But what if it is too hard. I am afraid to try. I am afraid that all those feelings will come back. I don't want to start feeling the way I did about Piran again. Those were dark, evil, terrible feelings that I never ever want again.

So what do I do? Do I simply admit that the fear is too much and just bottlefeed from day one, supplementing with expressed breastmilk for as long as I can. Do I give her the same start I gave Piran? That is what made me cry today. I was looking at bottles, mentally calculating how many we will need and I realised that part of me assumes I will be bottle feeding again.

Or do I try? Do I fully commit myself to breastfeeding this time. It may go okay. If it does how will I feel then? That I am somehow giving her more than I could give Piran. Also, I only know what it is like to have a bottle fed baby, so Mr C could feed Piran and give me a break. I got whole nights of sleep on occasion, will I be able to deal with the fact that if I breastfeed I don't get a break. How will Piran react, will he understand? How will I breastfeed and manage a toddler home alone during the day. How do people do it?

I am scared of what to say to the midwife when she speaks to me about it. I am not sure I can admit face to face any of this. How do you say I am afraid to breastfeed as I am scared it will make me hate my baby. It doesn't make sense, and how would you react if someone said that to you? I know that it is a bit blunt but it is the basic truth. God, if I say that they will probably just take the baby straight off me when it arrives.

Oh it is all so jumbled in my head. It is not even making sense on the page. I am not sure whether writing this has helped or whether I am more confused than I was. It could well be the latter.

The Gallery: Children

This week The Gallery is all about children. But you have all seen hundreds of photos of Piran, so here is one of me and my brother when we were small. I have mentioned my fringe before, but this particular haircut I like to call the Baked Bean. It does make my head look very round. My brother has a glazed, slightly manic expression, which is about right to be honest!

 

Our house is covered in pictures of Piran. I can't wait to replace some of them with pictures of him and little Thumper when she arrives. My brother and I apparently argued all the time. My poor mum. She says the worst day ever was when she woke up to hear me and my brother arguing already - we were both still in bed in separate bedrooms.  God knows what Karma has in store for me!

A short list of things I've learnt this week (the pregnancy edition)

Not content with traveling round the world Victoria appears to have started a bit of a blogging craze. She has been making lists of things she has been learning on her travels. I have seen UK versions from Jen and Heather and so I am jumping on the bandwagon!

A short list of things I have learnt this week (the pregnancy edition)

1. Bending over is far too common when you have an 18 month toddler to look after.

2. My arse is huge.

3. Piran is just the right height to be knocked over by the bump and the aforementioned arse.

4. I feel pregnant ALL the time.

5. Jelly babies are the best and most delicious thing in the world.

6. It is possible to have indigestion and heartburn so bad that it wakes you up.

7. Hormones can make me very ranty indeed.

8. Mr C is a very brave man who finds my ranting funny.

9. I never get tired of watching my tummy move.

10. Thumper likes to use something inside me as a trampoline. This is not comfortable and can send me shooting out of my seat.

Silent Sunday #10

The week that wasn't

Those that follow me on Twitter will not have been able to miss the fact that I am ill again. I am surprised I haven't lost most of my followers with my constant moaning. I am bored of it myself that is for sure.

I don't know what is wrong. I guess it is either a reaction to last week's swine flu jab or some kind of virus. In the afternoon on Tuesday I felt really cold and shivery, but as the baby sitters were booked I had a very long hot shower and got dressed (and tweeted that I looked like a pregnant lobster) and off we went for dinner. We were back just over an hour later after me being unable to eat my meal and developing a temperature. I have spent since 8.30 Tuesday night in bed. The temperature came and went. I have no appetite, I feel queasy on occasions but mostly I am tired. Bone achingly tired. Unable to lift my head from the pillow tired. Takes two hours to get upright and to the bath tired.

It scares me. I've struggled to eat but I know that I have to for the baby. Who seems perfectly fine, dancing and bouncing and making my stomach move constantly. Which is lovely, but doesn't feel great when you have an upset stomach.

Piran has spent three days and one night away from home because I have been unable to look after him. I hate it. I feel like a failure. I know how ridiculous that is but it doesn't make the guilt go away. I keep thinking to myself that this is all in my head, that I am just being lazy. That if I got up and starting doing something then I would realise that there isn't really anything wrong. Then I have a shower and have to go and lie down afterward! All this time on my own, not doing anything is not good for me. I have started to panic about how I will manage to look after Piran as I get bigger and bigger. I am only six months pregnant, we have three long months left. What will happen if I am ill after the baby comes? How will I cope. I think I am being pathetic and useless and I make myself get up and try and get something done. Then I go back and lie down! It is not in my mind, and no amount of giving myself a talking to is going to get me up on my feet this week.

Oh I don't know why I am writing all this down. It doesn't make any sense anyway. I am ill, I should just shut up and deal with it and save all of my energy for getting better instead of getting myself worked up about things that I just cannot control. I think the whole thing has just got all caught up with the understandable anxieties of having a second baby. I am sure that when I am stronger and better equipped to examine how I am feeling I will be back to blog about that too.

Here's to a restful, family weekend. And a lot of cuddles from Piran, I have missed those this week.

The Gallery: Mother Nature

For some reason this winter has felt longer and colder and harder than any that have come before. I am sure it is a combination of early snow, illness and a lot of rain but this year for the first year ever I found myself longing for warmth and sun on my skin and weather warm enough to just relax in.

It is still a long way off I know that. But when I caught a little glimpse of this in our garden this week it felt as if Mother Nature was just whispering in my ear to hold on in there. Things are changing, life is stirring again and spring is on its way.

Hellebores starting to flower in our back garden

Five wonderful years

Five years ago, on my first blog, I wrote a post about a crush I had on a guy at work. Reading it back I sound so young and silly, but that first drink was followed up by a date and quickly and unconditionally I fell in love. Within a couple of weeks we were living together, five years later we are married and in a few months we will be a family of four.

I'm pregnant and hormonal and to be honest I am finding it hard to type without crying. Mr C is everything I ever wanted in a best friend, husband, father to my children and so much more. He puts up with my craziness, he understands my family, and he loves me very, very much.

Way back when, before there was an 'us' he used to tease me at work because his team beat us at a quiz night one time. He would make the L sign on his forehead and snigger "Looooooser".

Well, the last laugh is on me Cheese Face.

Because in this life I'm the winner.

I love you xxx

Silent Sunday #9

Clifford James Review: Dr Keller Men's Slippers

Initial thoughts: Shortly before Christmas Mr C was moaning that he needed new slippers. So when I received an email asking if we would like some to review I decided to be nice and ask him if he wanted to pick some. He chose the Dr Keller style in Grey. When they arrived he said he thought that they looked very nice and warm.

He liked: Mr C informs me that the slipper are very comfortable, warm and easy to slip on and off. He really lies the grey colour instead of the usual brown slippers that he has. The hard soles are non slip so can be worn outside for those quick trips emptying the bin!

He didn't like: The slippers have a small lip at the back. He found that this just got squashed and didn't keep his feet in so he is not sure what it is for! If it is to make the slippers stay on better he would like it to be a bit bigger. I noticed that where he put his feet on the shelf on our coffee table it left a black mark from the soles so I had to ask him to stop doing that!

Overall: Mr C thinks that these were good value for money and he would buy them again. They fit very well and he wears them all the time at home, which is good for me because I get fed up of him wearing outdoor shoes indoors all of the time.


Further information: These slippers cost £9.99 from Clifford James. There are many styles to choose from and delivery is £3.95.


Disclaimer: We were sent a pair of slippers free of charge for the purpose of this review.

Appliances Online, the fairy godmother of the blogging world?

Just after Christmas I got a lovely email from Appliances Online offering to buy me a little treat. I had left a comment for Jen from The Madhouse on a post where she was talking about Karma and how after deciding to pass on some of her boys old toys to people (including Playmobil 123 to Piran which he is OBSESSED with) and how a few days later she was contacted by Appliances Online. They bought her a new fridge and I had left a comment on her post saying that it couldn't have happened to a nicer person. They had then seen from my post about Thoughtful Gifts that I was dreaming of being a big kid and having my very own Maileg Mouse it it's little matchbox.

So that is exactly what they sent me. Here he is. A little baby mouse. I love it more than is decent for a grown woman in her 30's. I have decided to call him Alfred. I am already thinking of making him a little quilt for his bed, that blanket just doesn't seem warm enough.

Why not leave a comment on this post and see what happens. What little (or big) gift would put a smile on your face?

Random acts of kindness

The weather is rubbish, grey and damp but it is not raining so I decide to risk it. This trip is not just for us. There is something that I need to do, and fresh air will be good for us. I bundle us both up in coats and make sure that the raincover is in the buggy. We stomp up the road, dodging mud on pavements and round the roadworks by the roundabout. I wish I had bought my hat, my ears are a little cold. Piran waves and shouts 'bye' at every car that swishes past. I call out the colours as they go past 'red car, green lorry, white van'. Piran taps himself on his head and says 'hat, hat, hat'. Oops, perhaps he wants his one too, but he never keeps it on. I pull his hood up over his ears and attempt to put his hands back in his mittens. The mittens are off seconds later.

My muscles ache and the pain in my side from weeks of coughing is still present but the fresh air and exercise and what I need. I fret that I am completely out of shape, the walk takes longer than usual, I feel like an old person. I worry this means that labour will be harder, recovery long and difficult. But then I think of a new baby and how all that fades. I chat to Piran, testing out names for his sister. He has no opinion.

Then we are there. The butcher is friendly. Piran is too teasy about being in the buggy for me to browse in the wool shop but I quickly choose two birthday cards and a crochet hook. One last stop I tell him. The reason that we came. The post office.

He twinkes at the people behind the counter as I send my precious parcels. They are only little things. Gifts for two friends that I know have been having a hard time recently. Surprises.

This is why I came. I want to send some of my happiness to others. I am blessed, we have everything we need, and a lot more besides. I like to try and do these things for my friends on a regular basis. For real life friends I bake a cake, buy some tulips, bring lunch to their house when they are ill. For friends further away it is usually a small gift or a card that I saw that I thought they would like. A book I read that I want to pass on. Some sweets for a stressed friend.

This is my way of giving. This is what I do to try and make a small difference to people's lives. To show them that I am their friend, that I think of them, that they matter to me. That I value our friendship.

There are many ways to give. I donate to charities and get involved where I can but at the end of the day I struggle to know how I make a difference, what my money does. In my small acts of kindness I hope that I give people small moments of happiness.

I have heard a lot about paying it forward, where if someone does something nice for you, you in turn do something nice for someone else. I hope that they might do just that.

This was my post for the writing workshop, the prompt was giving. Why don't you join in?

The Gallery: Body parts

It is so nice to have The Gallery back after the Christmas break. At least I will know what day is Wednesday again!

This week the prompt is body parts. I must admit this makes me very nervous and may look at other entries through my fingers just in case. My entry is simple though. My favourite body part of my favourite boy. I find most people go all unnecessary over little babies fingers but for me it has always been all about the hands and fingers.

I love to compare his hands to mine. The first time he walked with his hand in mine was completely magical to me. We play high fives and shake hands and wave a lot. I could play 'Round and Round the garden' on his hands forever and never get bored. When he was born everyone commented that his hands were massive. Now he has grown and they are just perfect!

Shloer Review

Initial thoughts: I was contacted shortly before Christmas asking If I would like some Shloer to try and review. It seemed the best time to give it a try as being pregnant at Christmas you miss out quite a bit on all of the festive drinks! I was sent a bottle of the Rose and White to try.

I liked: The drink was refreshing and very tasty, the rose one in particular I felt tasted quite like a glass of wine! It is carbonated but not too fizzy and it was great as it felt like a special drink with my Christmas dinner, instead of just water or juice. It would be particularly nice on a hot day in Summer (if you can remember what that is like!)

I didn't like: The only problem that I had was that it is quite acidic and it set off my indigestion after drinking a couple of glasses but that it a personal thing and happens to me with a lot of fruit juice drinks.

Overall: I think that Shloer is a nice alternative to the usual soft drinks you get offered if you are not drinking. It made me feel like I had something special to drink, and wasn't as fizzy as coke or lemonade so it didn't fill me up. I don't think I would buy it all the time, but would definitely pick some up if we were having company or going to a party.


Further information: Can be found on the Shloer website, and they also have a facebook page where you can find recipes and information on any promotions.

Disclaimer: I was sent two bottles of Shloer free of charge for the purpose of this review.

Is there anybody out there?

I fully intended this evening to write a review of 2010, plans for 2011 type of post. But that will just have to wait for now.

To start with I went trawling back through my blog to find the posts I wrote in January last year to read back and remind myself.

Then I came across this post and I had a lightbulb moment where I realised that today is the 10th January and therefore today must be the start of my annual de-lurking week on my blog.

The number of people that have subscribed to my blog has gone up and up in the last year and I would love to know who you all are! Last year I asked you to leave a comment with a book recommendation. This year I would like it if you could tell me one thing that has happened that made you happy recently. Because I like to spread the love if you have a blog I promise to come and leave you a comment too.

If you are one of my lovely blogging friends that usually comments - thank you, every comment puts a smile on my face and makes me feel very happy go lucky indeed.

Happy De-lurking week.

Photo credit

Silent Sunday #8

Review: Her Fearful Symmetry by Audrey Niffenegger

I used to read a lot. I consumed books, more than one a week. I was never seen without a book. I can walk and read at the same time. Reading was my 'thing'.

A couple of things changed my reading habits. Having a baby was one of them, the other was my new found love of Twitter and reading other people's blogs.

So when I was contacted and asked whether I would like to take a little time for me and get sent a book and some chocolate I took this as a sign that it was time to read a book again!

The lovely people at Galaxy sent me Her Fearful Symmetry by Audrey Niffenegger, and three delicious bars of chocolate. The chocolate actually outlasted the book which was strange. Last night I managed to eat an entire big bar of Galaxy in one sitting so obviously that was a one off!

Anyway, on to the book. I was keen to read this book as I absolutely and completely love her other book, The Time Traveler's Wife. That was the first book ever that I made myself slow down and read a bit at a time because I loved it so much and did not want it to end. It is in my top 10 books I have ever read so I had high hopes for this book.

Sadly, I did not enjoy this as much. I did enjoy parts of the book, but it was up and down. I found it hard to get into at the beginning, then was hooked, then as the tale took a dark twist I didn't like it at all. I made myself finish the book but the story made me uneasy and I cannot say that I enjoyed it.

The book is very well written though with interesting characters. I think that one of the things that makes her books readable is that everyone in the book is developed whether they are central to the story or the supporting characters. I loved the descriptions of Highgate Cemetery which are rich and wonderful and have made me want to visit. 

If you like ghost stories then I think you will like this book. I am not a huge fan and that is definitely the reason I didn't enjoy the book that much. I did however enjoy the chocolate which was very tasty indeed. Check out the Galaxy facebook page for further book related information, competitions and interviews.

Disclaimer: I was provided with a copy of the book and three lovely bars of chocolate free of charge for the purpose of this review.

Popping in

Where is the time going? Christmas and New Year was a blur of illness sadly and at the moment of the three of us Piran seems to be the only one that is getting any better. I have the never ending cough and have pulled all my muscles so blowing my nose and coughing and talking are all ridiculously painful. I am so unhappy right now about the whole thing. I want to be happy and look on the bright side and get on with all of the lovely things that I have planned for the start of this year but I just physically cannot manage it. So frustrating.

It is such a shame because I am now 23 weeks pregnant and other than this stupid illness I am feeling so well with it. With Piran I felt pretty much dreadful from week one until week forty two! I think there was a couple weeks in my seventh month that I felt good but this time, since the magic twelfth week I have been great. The bump is coming along nicely, our 21 week scan went brilliantly and we were utterly thrilled to find out that we are having a girl this time. That really hasn't sunk in yet!

It is just an iPhone photo of the scan picture as I haven't been in work to scan it in yet. When we were having the scan she kept playing with her feet and then she grabbed her toes and stretched her legs out up and over her head like a little gymnast. It was just amazing. I had a great view, unfortunately poor old Mr C was Piran-wrangling at the same time so he was a little distracted. We hadn't planned to take Piran along but the snow conspired against us!

I really am enjoying being pregnant again. I feel like a massive lump and I have reached the stage where I try and get through a gap and get stuck! I am wearing maternity clothes and this is all so real. We have nicknamed the baby Thumper as she is such a kicker, so much more than I remember Piran being. She makes my tummy move already, bumpity, bump, bump!

Oh sitting here typing away I feel relaxed and happy and so very excited. I know that this is all going to be such hard work, Piran will only be 21 months and then there will be the chaos that a newborn creates but on the other hand I feel so much more relaxed than last time. At least I know how to be a mum this time. I know I can do it, and all we have to do now is pick a name and prepare ourselves for utter carnage! Exciting!

Silent Sunday #7