So far he has tried: Mango, nectarine, pear, tomato, cucumber, carrot, butternut squash, sweet potato, roast potato, chicken, broccoli, meatball, toast, cream cheese, puree (on toast or with veg dipped in) courgette, cheese.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Baby Led Weaning - the first two weeks
Well, we cheated a little and started a couple of weeks early (Piran was 26 weeks yesterday) but this is how we have been doing so far! I have found it quite frustrating at times, and wonderful, and scary and completely overwhelming! A big mix up then. Yesterday was a big moment as I finally saw 'evidence' in his nappy that he had actually swallowed some food! Some things have been more successful than others, and something he is fascinated with one day is completely ignored another but we are having fun. Every day he shows some sign of progress, and now manages to 'bite' pieces off, although most fall back out of his mouth and we have survived a few gagging incidents.
So far he has tried: Mango, nectarine, pear, tomato, cucumber, carrot, butternut squash, sweet potato, roast potato, chicken, broccoli, meatball, toast, cream cheese, puree (on toast or with veg dipped in) courgette, cheese.
So far he has tried: Mango, nectarine, pear, tomato, cucumber, carrot, butternut squash, sweet potato, roast potato, chicken, broccoli, meatball, toast, cream cheese, puree (on toast or with veg dipped in) courgette, cheese.
Of imaginary fear and self-loathing
When I wrote my post for the Writing Workshop last week something nudged my memory and I had to go back and have a look for a particular post that I wrote on my old blog called Fear and Self-loathing. Strangely enough reading it back has been really good for me. It has reminded me that I need to keep my perspective. That I need to recognise certain thoughts and feelings and single them out for what they really are - the product of a hormone imbalance.
This weekend has been very hard. I wrote this week about this routine being all messed up so we decided to hit the reset button so to speak and go back to basics - letting him tell us when he wanted feeding and needed a sleep. The result has been a complete change from how we have been doing things, and it is obviously what he needed.
However, I have done it at the wrong time. It would seem (due to the fact I fell apart earlier) that I am right smack bag in the middle of one of these fear and self loathing episodes, so I am second guessing everything that I do. When it was just about me and abouot work it really wasn't a problem, I could go and hide under the duvet for a couple of days if that was what I needed. These days that is not possible, and tied up with all of these feelings of inadequacy is whether I am good at being a mum, if I know how to look after a child. Throw in baby led weaning, which is hard in the beginning and you have a bundle of neurotic fun.
So we had tantrums and tears and I had the elephant on the chest feeling of an impending panic attack and was all for giving up entirely, but my rock, the wonderful Mr C helped me out the other side and in the end I calmed down enough to go to the inlaws for dinner without anything being a problem. I am still left with the echos of that feeling and will try and relax this evening to shake it because tomorrow we will be home alone again and I need to be strong.
Not having periods when pregnant was nice, but not having these horrible, sad hormonal days was a revelation. Their return is most unwelcome.
This weekend has been very hard. I wrote this week about this routine being all messed up so we decided to hit the reset button so to speak and go back to basics - letting him tell us when he wanted feeding and needed a sleep. The result has been a complete change from how we have been doing things, and it is obviously what he needed.
However, I have done it at the wrong time. It would seem (due to the fact I fell apart earlier) that I am right smack bag in the middle of one of these fear and self loathing episodes, so I am second guessing everything that I do. When it was just about me and abouot work it really wasn't a problem, I could go and hide under the duvet for a couple of days if that was what I needed. These days that is not possible, and tied up with all of these feelings of inadequacy is whether I am good at being a mum, if I know how to look after a child. Throw in baby led weaning, which is hard in the beginning and you have a bundle of neurotic fun.
So we had tantrums and tears and I had the elephant on the chest feeling of an impending panic attack and was all for giving up entirely, but my rock, the wonderful Mr C helped me out the other side and in the end I calmed down enough to go to the inlaws for dinner without anything being a problem. I am still left with the echos of that feeling and will try and relax this evening to shake it because tomorrow we will be home alone again and I need to be strong.
Not having periods when pregnant was nice, but not having these horrible, sad hormonal days was a revelation. Their return is most unwelcome.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Inside my head
Any minute now he is going to come into the room and start on me. I just know it. He will come in and have a go about the dishes not being done. He will come in and say that I have to get off my fat backside and go and do the dishes because he cooked. Well forget it. I am just doing to list everything else that I have done today. The fact that since this morning I have been picking up after him, from the wet towels left on the bed and the clothes in a pile from last night. I have worked all day as well. So he will have a go about the dishes and I will tell him what I have done. It won't be good enough though. No matter how much else I have done he always sticks to that bloody rule. I will tell him that I will do the dishes in the morning when I don't feel so tired. Then he will just go and bloody do them anyway, just to wind me up and make me feel bad. Well it is not going to work. I refuse to feel bad. But what if he ends up hating me? He could leave me. I don't want him to leave me, although I wouldn't blame him because I am so lazy. If he is mad I will be nice and hope he forgives me. Perhaps I should do the dishes so he doesn't leave? Perhaps he is just waiting for an excuse to leave anyway. I knew this was all too good to be true. He thinks that I am lazy and he has had enough and if I start an argument about what I have done for him today and if I don't put in the effort and do the dishes he will finally have the excuse to leave me that he has been waiting for. I knew it was all a lie, no one could want to be with lazy useless me. Well, if he is going to leave anyway I cannot be bothered to do the dishes. I swear if he leaves I will just climb into bed and never get out.
He walks into the room "I'm going to do this dishes, would you like a cup of tea?"
I wish I could say that this is a fictional situation but unfortunately this is what my hormones do to me once a month. Not just with Mr C but have these fictional arguments in my head all day every day for days at a time. It is very tiring and I am so hard on myself.
Disclaimer: NONE of this is a reflection on Mr C and his character. He is an angel and would never dream of saying anything like this to me. Apart from the part about doing the dishes and making me a cup of tea.
This post is my entry for this week's Writing Workshop - a conversation with myself. Click on the picture and come and join in.
He walks into the room "I'm going to do this dishes, would you like a cup of tea?"
I wish I could say that this is a fictional situation but unfortunately this is what my hormones do to me once a month. Not just with Mr C but have these fictional arguments in my head all day every day for days at a time. It is very tiring and I am so hard on myself.
Disclaimer: NONE of this is a reflection on Mr C and his character. He is an angel and would never dream of saying anything like this to me. Apart from the part about doing the dishes and making me a cup of tea.
This post is my entry for this week's Writing Workshop - a conversation with myself. Click on the picture and come and join in.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Double trouble
I am a bit lost in meme land recently! I know that I have another two to do and I am not sure that I have even been tagged in either of these memes but I wanted to join in! If you have tagged me and I have forgotten please leave a comment and I will give you the recognition you deserve.
Firstly, Rosie Scribble's Shiny Happy People Meme:
The rules of the Shiny Happy People Meme are simple:
Name a song that makes you happy - a song you would listen to if you needed a sudden injection of happiness.
Post an image that makes you smile, it can be anything - a silly photo, an image taken from the internet, anything at all that puts a smile on your face (and isn't too rude!)
Today I tweeted that I was feeling a bit blue and perhaps my choice of listening to REM was a bad idea. I decided that a change of music was needed to flip my mood and this is the first song that I chose.
The Lovecats - The Cure
The image is from an email that was doing the rounds a couple years ago at work. It was entitled:
Amazing photo of seahorse
I am afraid that I am unable to add a photo credit as I have no idea where it originated from but it always makes me chuckle!
Consider yourself tagged if you wish.
±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±
Secondly we have the Stories and Songs Meme started by the wonderful Fraught Mummy from Brits in Bosnia. She explains the idea here:
What I'm after is a song that reminds you of something, that has a story for you. Not necessarily your favourite song or a even a song that you love, but a song that instantly takes you back to that time and place.
What I'm after is a song that reminds you of something, that has a story for you. Not necessarily your favourite song or a even a song that you love, but a song that instantly takes you back to that time and place.
So, for my choice I give you the second song I listened to this afternoon.
Echo Beach - Martha and the Muffins
The year is 1994 and I am a mere 15 years old. I have just got into a nightclub for the first time in my life. A cunning tactic was employed to get over the fact I barely looked my age, let alone 18. Someone bought a drink in the bar attached to the nightclub and then I carried it as we paid to go in - the idea being that the doorman thought the barman had checked my ID. I have no idea if it was that or the fact a strapping 6 foot something friend of a friend whose pint I was holding was standing behind me but I was in!
This song is the theme to my life since then. It played that night where I danced and drank and had the best time ever. It followed me through college and on through life, then unofficial song that belonged to my group of friends that summed up our life - working at whatever job we had just so that we could get back to the beach. It was played on stereo's at parties and guitars by firelight. We sometimes stumbled over the words but always sang and danced with feeling.
When we got married we chose our song and then I requested that this song was played straight afterwards so that everyone would be around to dance. It was such a moment, once tour first dance was over we were done and could just relax and enjoy the rest of the evening. I was surrounded by all of the people I love and are special to me and was bouncing around the dancefloor like Tigger on class A drugs! Makes for some very unflattering photos I tell you. Dancing in the dress was interesting too.
Again, feel free to take this and run with it if you wish. Happy memories x
Pattern formations
I am starting to realise that every month something happens to upset the proverbial apple cart and I go back to thinking that I will never get a hang of this mum lark.
There was the topsy turvy part at 3 months. There was the mystery at 4 months. I didn't blog about it at 5 months but there was a bump in the road at around 5 months too.
So I am not that surprised as we are reaching the six month old mark (next week - where did that go?) things feel all up in the air and wrong again.
We have started weaning, the baby led way which is lucky because he screams if I so much as put a spoon anywhere near his face. It is going ok. He puts things in his mouth which is a step in the right direction! But that is about it and I guess that this part is hard because he is not yet really eating. He has not worked out that he needs to swallow! I know that this all takes time, but I am finding it hard to get the enthusiasm up to put together food that just ends up squished and mushed and thrown on the floor. I am persevering though, as practice makes perfect right!
His first tooth has just broken through the gum and since that happened this weekend he has taken to screaming a lot. Not crying, and it is not constant but it is loud and hard to manage when out and about - I swear it sounds like I am poking him with a big bloody stick. My head hurts so much and I am so frustrated. He will not let me hold him or cuddle him and I just want to make him feel better. Feel so helpless.
We had two wonderful weeks where he dropped his dream feed and slept from 6pm to 7am but now he seems to want food at night again - sometimes at midnight, sometimes at 4am. To be honest it changes every night. We considered going back to the dream feed but I hated waking him to feed him, and some nights he will go through without it. So for now I am doing it on demand at night which is okay, but Mr C has trouble getting back to sleep afterwards and then I get angry at him (irrationally I know) so I will be doing it, and he will have to give me some lie ins at the weekend!
So, all in all everything feels up in the air, mixed up and wrong and I hate this stupid feeling. It is the reason for my bad mood, my lack of motivation to look after myself, to exercise, to eat well.
Oh I am annoying myself so I will stop now. Please, anyone that has been here any advice / words of support / suggestions for how to cope with this all would be gratefully received right now.
Someone has woken from his nap, fingers crossed for a better mood.
There was the topsy turvy part at 3 months. There was the mystery at 4 months. I didn't blog about it at 5 months but there was a bump in the road at around 5 months too.
So I am not that surprised as we are reaching the six month old mark (next week - where did that go?) things feel all up in the air and wrong again.
We have started weaning, the baby led way which is lucky because he screams if I so much as put a spoon anywhere near his face. It is going ok. He puts things in his mouth which is a step in the right direction! But that is about it and I guess that this part is hard because he is not yet really eating. He has not worked out that he needs to swallow! I know that this all takes time, but I am finding it hard to get the enthusiasm up to put together food that just ends up squished and mushed and thrown on the floor. I am persevering though, as practice makes perfect right!
His first tooth has just broken through the gum and since that happened this weekend he has taken to screaming a lot. Not crying, and it is not constant but it is loud and hard to manage when out and about - I swear it sounds like I am poking him with a big bloody stick. My head hurts so much and I am so frustrated. He will not let me hold him or cuddle him and I just want to make him feel better. Feel so helpless.
We had two wonderful weeks where he dropped his dream feed and slept from 6pm to 7am but now he seems to want food at night again - sometimes at midnight, sometimes at 4am. To be honest it changes every night. We considered going back to the dream feed but I hated waking him to feed him, and some nights he will go through without it. So for now I am doing it on demand at night which is okay, but Mr C has trouble getting back to sleep afterwards and then I get angry at him (irrationally I know) so I will be doing it, and he will have to give me some lie ins at the weekend!
So, all in all everything feels up in the air, mixed up and wrong and I hate this stupid feeling. It is the reason for my bad mood, my lack of motivation to look after myself, to exercise, to eat well.
Oh I am annoying myself so I will stop now. Please, anyone that has been here any advice / words of support / suggestions for how to cope with this all would be gratefully received right now.
Someone has woken from his nap, fingers crossed for a better mood.
Maybe I shouldn't speak out loud
Last night laying in bed we were talking about going to visit my mum by train:
Me: "So I was thinking about taking Piran to Cornwall by train, the trains don't seem too bad but I keep thinking about what we would do when we got there. At the minute he fits in his car seat which attaches to his wheels so we could take that but he would have to sleep in it and it is not good to be in it for too long. Plus if we didn't have a car while we are there we would have to push him about a lot so being in the car seat all the time wouldn't be brilliant. But if we took the pushchair attachment instead then what would we do about going in the car when we get there? The buses are terrible down there really. Perhaps I could have the pushchair and carry the car seat? But we would have lots of stuff anyway so that would probably be too much to carry if I went on my own. And we wouldn't be able to go out with mum or visit dad. But of course he will grow out of this car seat very soon so none of this would work. So perhaps we could ask if there was a car seat we could borrow. But you never....
Mr C: "There's more? No wonder you have a headache"
If only he knew!
Me: "So I was thinking about taking Piran to Cornwall by train, the trains don't seem too bad but I keep thinking about what we would do when we got there. At the minute he fits in his car seat which attaches to his wheels so we could take that but he would have to sleep in it and it is not good to be in it for too long. Plus if we didn't have a car while we are there we would have to push him about a lot so being in the car seat all the time wouldn't be brilliant. But if we took the pushchair attachment instead then what would we do about going in the car when we get there? The buses are terrible down there really. Perhaps I could have the pushchair and carry the car seat? But we would have lots of stuff anyway so that would probably be too much to carry if I went on my own. And we wouldn't be able to go out with mum or visit dad. But of course he will grow out of this car seat very soon so none of this would work. So perhaps we could ask if there was a car seat we could borrow. But you never....
Mr C: "There's more? No wonder you have a headache"
If only he knew!
Sunday, January 24, 2010
The best things in 2010 are free
Hmm, I might have got a little confused with my title. I need to catch up with all of the memes that I have been tagged in. The Wedding Dress meme will have to wait for a while, because it links into another post that I have planned. The You're Welcome one is brewing in my head but I need to go and discover some new blogs first. However there are two that I have been writing in my head for the past couple of weeks and it is time to get them down before I am no longer fashionably late, just inexcusably so.
Firstly the wonderful Clare Lancaster tagged me in the #themeword meme on Twitter. To participate, all you have to do is just think about one word that you would like to describe your new year. Allegedly your #themeword can unfold in unexpected ways! So here goes …
So, getting it in before the end of January and 2010 is definitely in full swing my #themeword for 2010 is DISCOVERY
2010 is a brand new year with brand new experiences to discover. It is a fresh start for us, starting this new year as we have started no other, as a real family. It is the year that we will discover how it feels to be three people not two. We will discover what family means to us and how our lives change because of the extra person. We will discover what it is like to grow as a family, to deal with the hard times and the good times. To discover what type of parents we will be. To discover how being a parent changes us and our relationship.
Piran has a million things to discover. Everyday is an adventure at his age with new and wonderful things to experience. Right now, he is learning what food is and what to do with it. He will spend time discovering the house when he becomes mobile. He will discover what it is like to have a mum that sheds a tear every time he has a 'first'. Being his age is all about the discovery, likes and dislikes, the way the world works, new people, new places, new foods, new experiences.
It is the year for me to discover who I am now. To find out if returning to work is the right path for me. To discover what my new goals and plans and dreams are. To discover my place in my new world, as a mum, as a wife, as a person in my own right.
Now, I think I am a bit late with this one so I won't tag anyone but if you want to be tagged then leave me a comment and I will add a link to you.
Make Do Mum tagged me in the 'Ten best things in my life that are free' meme.
I had trouble with this one, mainly because my overactive brain kept thinking "well I enjoy listening to music but you have to buy a CD or radio so does that count as free". Anyway, I have stopped over thinking it and give you my 'Top ten things that are relatively cheap and make me happy' list.
1. Laughter - a small chuckle, Piran's awesome giggle, laughing so hard I cannot breathe and get dangerously close to weeing myself. I will take it any way it comes.
2. A good walk - in any season at any time of day. Particularly if it is on a beach or near the sea.
3. The perfect song for that moment - like a perfect iPod moment, or a long forgotten favourite on the radio and dancing round the kitchen. Like the moment that we were watching a film and a song came on and we turned to each other and knew that it was our wedding song. Like your favourite song on a sad day. Like sad songs when your heart is broken and you just want to cry.
4. Thoughtful presents - The presents that blow you away because the thought and love that have gone into them is so evident. I have been meaning to share pictures of these since Christmas. Both of these gifts were perfect.
Firstly the wonderful Clare Lancaster tagged me in the #themeword meme on Twitter. To participate, all you have to do is just think about one word that you would like to describe your new year. Allegedly your #themeword can unfold in unexpected ways! So here goes …
So, getting it in before the end of January and 2010 is definitely in full swing my #themeword for 2010 is DISCOVERY
2010 is a brand new year with brand new experiences to discover. It is a fresh start for us, starting this new year as we have started no other, as a real family. It is the year that we will discover how it feels to be three people not two. We will discover what family means to us and how our lives change because of the extra person. We will discover what it is like to grow as a family, to deal with the hard times and the good times. To discover what type of parents we will be. To discover how being a parent changes us and our relationship.
Piran has a million things to discover. Everyday is an adventure at his age with new and wonderful things to experience. Right now, he is learning what food is and what to do with it. He will spend time discovering the house when he becomes mobile. He will discover what it is like to have a mum that sheds a tear every time he has a 'first'. Being his age is all about the discovery, likes and dislikes, the way the world works, new people, new places, new foods, new experiences.
It is the year for me to discover who I am now. To find out if returning to work is the right path for me. To discover what my new goals and plans and dreams are. To discover my place in my new world, as a mum, as a wife, as a person in my own right.
Now, I think I am a bit late with this one so I won't tag anyone but if you want to be tagged then leave me a comment and I will add a link to you.
±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±
Make Do Mum tagged me in the 'Ten best things in my life that are free' meme.
I had trouble with this one, mainly because my overactive brain kept thinking "well I enjoy listening to music but you have to buy a CD or radio so does that count as free". Anyway, I have stopped over thinking it and give you my 'Top ten things that are relatively cheap and make me happy' list.
1. Laughter - a small chuckle, Piran's awesome giggle, laughing so hard I cannot breathe and get dangerously close to weeing myself. I will take it any way it comes.
2. A good walk - in any season at any time of day. Particularly if it is on a beach or near the sea.
3. The perfect song for that moment - like a perfect iPod moment, or a long forgotten favourite on the radio and dancing round the kitchen. Like the moment that we were watching a film and a song came on and we turned to each other and knew that it was our wedding song. Like your favourite song on a sad day. Like sad songs when your heart is broken and you just want to cry.
4. Thoughtful presents - The presents that blow you away because the thought and love that have gone into them is so evident. I have been meaning to share pictures of these since Christmas. Both of these gifts were perfect.
A painting of Piran aged just 5 weeks, by my Dad.
A Willow Tree family, to go with my pregnant lady in the background, from my Mum.
5. A good book - I will read anywhere and anything. That feeling of being so engrossed in a story that you forget real life is amazing. I love to read, I hope this year things will settle down and I will have more time to discover more stories.
6. Silence - I got fed up with the snow like anyone, but I loved how the world felt quiet and still. I love naptime (Piran's, not mine) when I get to sit in the quiet and relax and slow my thoughts before I am grabbed by the urge to do something else.
7. Achievement - I love the feeling of doing something and doing it well. Of accomplishment and pride in myself. I think this is why I keep wanting to do something new or learn something different. Now I will be proud of Piran's achievements too which I already realise is even better.
8. Mr C - he is my other half in all sense of the word. I am a better person because of him. These past 4 years have been amazing. I am so very lucky.
9. Cooking - I love to have the time to cook. I love to bake. I like to feed people. One of the best things about being on maternity leave is being able to cook things during the week that take longer than 30 minutes if I want to.
10. Baby's firsts - today Piran sat at the dinner table and had his first Sunday Roast with us and his Grandparents. This evening we have discovered a teeny bit of his first tooth poking through his gum. All of these things are fabulous.
So, what are yours?
Disclaimer: if you are too busy / have done it before / are sick to the back teeth of memes / wish I would just go away, feel free to just ignore.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Brain dump
Do you ever have too many posts in your head, going around bumping into each other? I seem to have that at the moment. My hands itch to write a schedule or at least a list but that feels too organised, too much like work. Problem is now I have the same problem that I have when I get overwhelmed by all of the things that I need to do, I do nothing. My brain freezes, my body stops working and I sit on the sofa and watch Gilmore Girls (I can watch that show whenever. It is like Friends, I never get bored of the repeats!)
So I decided to just start writing a post that is not one of the ones that are fighting around my head, elbowing each other out of the way, jumping up and down shouting "Pick Me! Pick Me!" like Donkey in Shrek. To just have that blank computer screen in front of me and just write. Starting to feel better already.
I have been tagged a number of times for various different memes and time is moving on and I haven't completed them.
Aggh, look there. That short paragraph up there is one of those posts fighting their way in! GO AWAY. Today is Saturday and I want it to be all about the random!
I went to the dentist yesterday for a filling and came out minus a tooth. I am actually considering writing a thank you letter to my dentist because he was just so lovely. I was quaking in my boots about having a filling and as usual he was calm and patient with me and explained everything. Then when he drilled in (just the word drill makes me squirm) he said he had some bad news, that the tooth was too far gone and needed to come out. I started to cry and when he said not to get upset I wailed "Not upset, FRIGHTENED" he didn't laugh but said that if I didn't stop crying he would start crying. Anyway, I calmed down and he took it all slowly, explaining what was happening and took the tooth out with no bother at all. He even gave me a sticker for being brave. I hate going to the dentist, but he made it okay yesterday.
We started weaning this week, which is a whole post on its own. One that I will write, with pictures but I cannot believe that we are at this point, Piran is 6 months in just over a week. It is crazy, where have those months gone? He is so alert and happy and a really smiley baby and I am so lucky. Would still like some more sleep but we will get that sorted I am sure.
I start an Open University course on Writing Fiction next week. It is just a short course but I am really nervous. I guess most of that is because I am used to studying very academic subjects (is that the best way to describe it?). My last OU course was Mathematics so this is a bit of a switch. In maths I was either right or wrong, with this is isn't so black and white, writing is all about the grey. I am sure that it will be fine, just need to get started I guess.
Last Saturday I went to a creative writing workshop. For the first 30 minutes I was quiet and scared and felt like I was unable to follw big words, that these people were speaking and I could not understand. My brain is just rusty I guess. It was lovely though and I came away feeling great, and really enjoyed adult conversation that was not just about babies!
Oh, a while ago I wrote this post on letter writing and whether it is a lost art. It prompted me to decide that I should write to my mum, and ask her to keep the letters so that I would have something as a reminder of our life as a new family in the future, I do write about Piran here but the letters are about our life and what he does and I don't like to go on too much about him here. Anyway, that post was mentioned in this article about the best of Mummy Blogging so far this year, and I swear that it was one of the highlights of my life. I wish I could have shared it with my mum but as she does not know about the blog I couldn't tell her. So I think that I may show her when she stays with us next. Maybe. Anyway, she got the first letter and wrote back to say that she has decided that she is going to be my life coach from afar. She included a Daily Mail newspaper article on good rules for eating (my favourite - Eat white bread you'll be dead). It has made me remember that she used to cut articles outof the paper and leave them on my bed when I lived at home - classics such as binge drinking is bad, how to tell if your teenager is taking drugs and other wonderful things like that which obviously immediately made me change my ways *ahem*. It is a lovely idea though and should make for good blog material.
Sorry, this is a post about nothing but I think it was what I needed to do to just unclog my brain. Feel better now, and the other posts are starting to fall into single file in my head so I am going to go now and just write down some titles. The rest will come in time.
So I decided to just start writing a post that is not one of the ones that are fighting around my head, elbowing each other out of the way, jumping up and down shouting "Pick Me! Pick Me!" like Donkey in Shrek. To just have that blank computer screen in front of me and just write. Starting to feel better already.
I have been tagged a number of times for various different memes and time is moving on and I haven't completed them.
Aggh, look there. That short paragraph up there is one of those posts fighting their way in! GO AWAY. Today is Saturday and I want it to be all about the random!
I went to the dentist yesterday for a filling and came out minus a tooth. I am actually considering writing a thank you letter to my dentist because he was just so lovely. I was quaking in my boots about having a filling and as usual he was calm and patient with me and explained everything. Then when he drilled in (just the word drill makes me squirm) he said he had some bad news, that the tooth was too far gone and needed to come out. I started to cry and when he said not to get upset I wailed "Not upset, FRIGHTENED" he didn't laugh but said that if I didn't stop crying he would start crying. Anyway, I calmed down and he took it all slowly, explaining what was happening and took the tooth out with no bother at all. He even gave me a sticker for being brave. I hate going to the dentist, but he made it okay yesterday.
We started weaning this week, which is a whole post on its own. One that I will write, with pictures but I cannot believe that we are at this point, Piran is 6 months in just over a week. It is crazy, where have those months gone? He is so alert and happy and a really smiley baby and I am so lucky. Would still like some more sleep but we will get that sorted I am sure.
I start an Open University course on Writing Fiction next week. It is just a short course but I am really nervous. I guess most of that is because I am used to studying very academic subjects (is that the best way to describe it?). My last OU course was Mathematics so this is a bit of a switch. In maths I was either right or wrong, with this is isn't so black and white, writing is all about the grey. I am sure that it will be fine, just need to get started I guess.
Last Saturday I went to a creative writing workshop. For the first 30 minutes I was quiet and scared and felt like I was unable to follw big words, that these people were speaking and I could not understand. My brain is just rusty I guess. It was lovely though and I came away feeling great, and really enjoyed adult conversation that was not just about babies!
Oh, a while ago I wrote this post on letter writing and whether it is a lost art. It prompted me to decide that I should write to my mum, and ask her to keep the letters so that I would have something as a reminder of our life as a new family in the future, I do write about Piran here but the letters are about our life and what he does and I don't like to go on too much about him here. Anyway, that post was mentioned in this article about the best of Mummy Blogging so far this year, and I swear that it was one of the highlights of my life. I wish I could have shared it with my mum but as she does not know about the blog I couldn't tell her. So I think that I may show her when she stays with us next. Maybe. Anyway, she got the first letter and wrote back to say that she has decided that she is going to be my life coach from afar. She included a Daily Mail newspaper article on good rules for eating (my favourite - Eat white bread you'll be dead). It has made me remember that she used to cut articles outof the paper and leave them on my bed when I lived at home - classics such as binge drinking is bad, how to tell if your teenager is taking drugs and other wonderful things like that which obviously immediately made me change my ways *ahem*. It is a lovely idea though and should make for good blog material.
Sorry, this is a post about nothing but I think it was what I needed to do to just unclog my brain. Feel better now, and the other posts are starting to fall into single file in my head so I am going to go now and just write down some titles. The rest will come in time.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Monday, January 18, 2010
Bloggers for Haiti
My Google Reader has been stuffed with posts this weekend, which is nothing new. What is new is that most of the posts have the same title and the same subject.
So I am happy to add my post to that list, and do not apologise for repetition because this week of all weeks it is obvious that if that is the worst of your worries you are very fortunate indeed.
So, if you have already given something, thank you. If you have been meaning to do it and have just not found the time yet, if it is on your to do list then follow my favourite piece of advice this year.
Do one thing. Give it your full attention and do it properly.
Go to Save the Children or the Bloggers for Haiti just giving page and give anything you can. Every last penny counts, and what seems like pennies to us will be much more than that to someone who has nothing.
Thank you.
So I am happy to add my post to that list, and do not apologise for repetition because this week of all weeks it is obvious that if that is the worst of your worries you are very fortunate indeed.
So, if you have already given something, thank you. If you have been meaning to do it and have just not found the time yet, if it is on your to do list then follow my favourite piece of advice this year.
Do one thing. Give it your full attention and do it properly.
Go to Save the Children or the Bloggers for Haiti just giving page and give anything you can. Every last penny counts, and what seems like pennies to us will be much more than that to someone who has nothing.
Thank you.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Bittersweet
Tomorrow will be 4 years since the day that Mr C and I went on our first 'date'. It was a Thursday and he took me for a drink at lunchtime. We worked together and didn't want anyone to know so we kept it quiet and went to a pub a little further away where we hoped we would not be spotted. He asked what I wanted to drink and I had a pint of lager, my usual drink back then. I remember worrying about what he would think about a pint drinking girl and that I teased him about the fact that he had never used a washing machine. I remember the hour going far too fast and being disappointed when we had to return to work.
At the same time that he was asking me out my Nanna was being taken into hospital. She lived in Surrey and I would travel to see her early in the morning or after work. It was quite a trek but the truth was that she had not been herself since the death of my Grandad less than a year before and we knew that we had limited time left to spend with her. I felt that as my family were in Cornwall that I should regularly see her and keep her company. It was a 2.5 hour round trip but each visit was worth it.
So this is a bitter sweet time for me. It was the start of something wonderful in my life at the same time as her life was coming to an end. For years, whenever I called her on the phone or went to see her she would always ask me if I was 'courting'. It used to make me smile, that old fashioned word and only the most serious of boyfriends were talked about. At the time she was in hospital I had been single for over a year and I think she was beginning to give up on me!
I remember being at the hospital the weekend after we had gone for that first lunchtime drink together. Mr C text me and asked me if I wanted to go to the cinema with him and I was over the moon, particularly because I didn't even know he had my number. I was floating on air as I walked into the ward to see Nanna and realised that she had a number of other visitors, people from her side of the family that I did not know. She smiled at me as I reached her bedside and introduced me to the five people around the bedside. "This is my Granddaughter, Kelly. She is not married yet." She turned to me and said "Are you courting yet?"
It was the last time I would see her, she sadly died a few days later while I was on a short holiday in Italy. The day I returned I was so excited to see Mr C again, having put our fledgling romance aside to be a tourist in Verona but I spent most of the evening sobbing on his shoulder. Valentines day was not spent with the new man in my life, instead it was her funeral. It didn't matter. I had an inkling then that turned out to be true. I had met my soul mate.
I don't believe in regrets but if I did this would be one I suppose. That I didn't tell her I had met a wonderful man. One who I would marry and we would have a family. That I would be happier and my life would be more complete than I ever imagined possible. I hope she knows somehow.
At the same time that he was asking me out my Nanna was being taken into hospital. She lived in Surrey and I would travel to see her early in the morning or after work. It was quite a trek but the truth was that she had not been herself since the death of my Grandad less than a year before and we knew that we had limited time left to spend with her. I felt that as my family were in Cornwall that I should regularly see her and keep her company. It was a 2.5 hour round trip but each visit was worth it.
So this is a bitter sweet time for me. It was the start of something wonderful in my life at the same time as her life was coming to an end. For years, whenever I called her on the phone or went to see her she would always ask me if I was 'courting'. It used to make me smile, that old fashioned word and only the most serious of boyfriends were talked about. At the time she was in hospital I had been single for over a year and I think she was beginning to give up on me!
I remember being at the hospital the weekend after we had gone for that first lunchtime drink together. Mr C text me and asked me if I wanted to go to the cinema with him and I was over the moon, particularly because I didn't even know he had my number. I was floating on air as I walked into the ward to see Nanna and realised that she had a number of other visitors, people from her side of the family that I did not know. She smiled at me as I reached her bedside and introduced me to the five people around the bedside. "This is my Granddaughter, Kelly. She is not married yet." She turned to me and said "Are you courting yet?"
It was the last time I would see her, she sadly died a few days later while I was on a short holiday in Italy. The day I returned I was so excited to see Mr C again, having put our fledgling romance aside to be a tourist in Verona but I spent most of the evening sobbing on his shoulder. Valentines day was not spent with the new man in my life, instead it was her funeral. It didn't matter. I had an inkling then that turned out to be true. I had met my soul mate.
I don't believe in regrets but if I did this would be one I suppose. That I didn't tell her I had met a wonderful man. One who I would marry and we would have a family. That I would be happier and my life would be more complete than I ever imagined possible. I hope she knows somehow.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Who comes first?
If you click on the picture it will take you to Josie's fantastic blog, Sleep is for the Weak. This week is week 9 of the Writing Workshop. This is my submission, I chose to write amount something that I miss.
I miss coming first.
I love being a mum. I knew my life would change when I had a baby but no one can prepare you for what it is actually like.
My husband doesn't get it. He came in at the weekend and told me that he was off round to his mums. Now, he would only be gone for 20 minutes but it is the fact that he can just up and leave when he feels like it and he just assumes that I will look after the baby. In fact, I doubt it even crosses his mind.
That is not my life anymore. I am no longer able to do something as simple as go to the toilet without first considering someone else. Where is Piran, what is he doing, is he safe, can I leave him, how long until he notices I am gone and starts crying?
Now, I know that most of my readers will understand this. I am not complaining, but I do find it difficult at times.
There was a point where I was on holiday visiting family in November last year when I realised that being a mum was my full time job now, one that I quite probably will not get a holiday from for a very long time. When we are on holiday I still have to do everything that I do at home, so it is just the same stuff, different view! Where my husband is able to put his feet up, have a drink and relax because he is on holiday, I am still packing half the house, ensuring all baby needs are met and sorting out everything he will need as well. When do I get to put my feet up?
I am lucky, there have on occasions been times where I have baby free hours. However, I am afraid I have to admit to wandering around aimlessly, taking time to acclimatise myself to being alone, able to freely make decisions. It usually clicks into place 30 minutes before my time is up and the baby is back. I need to work on that! Mind you, I pay for the free time before and after, spending time rushing around packing all the bottles and things that he will need, then having to deal with the baby who didn't nap as much as normal and has morphed into a grump!
'Me' time has been scarce recently, thanks to weather and Christmas and illness. But this week I have Thursday, Saturday and Sunday choc full of activities that are solely about me. Meetings and appointments, creative writing courses and a spa day (which just means a head massage and an afternoon of people watching and afternoon tea!). By the end of the third day I am sure that I will have got back into the swing of getting on and looking after me. I may even relax and enjoy myself, and I will go to the toilet without a thought.
However, ask me on Sunday evening what I miss.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Come out, come out, whoever you are!
So, I have been at this blogging lark for some time and a few years ago I remember there being something called de-lurking day or week. I seem to remember it being the 10th January but through the power of Google I have been unable to find anything official but I did find a few posts referencing it so I have decided that the 10th January will be the start of de-lurking week on my blog.
Photo credit
According to my stats I have quite a lot more subscribers than I have comments so for one day I would love it if you could say hi. If you don't know what to say please tell me your favourite book or recommend a book for me to read. Because I love comments and I love books. I also love blogs so if you leave a comment I promise to come and visit your blog.
If you are one of my lovely blogging friends that usually comments - thank you.
Happy De-lurking day.
Photo credit
Thursday, January 07, 2010
My favourite photo
I have been tagged in the wonderful favourite photo meme by Insomniac Mummy, Perfectly Happy Mum, Carol and Bec. I have seen many lovely photos posted by everyone doing this meme and it struck me that they could be seen as quite normal photographs to anyone else but to us they are special because more often than not they contain the people or places that we love with our whole heart.
This shot was taken by my godmother at my wedding. We just look so happy. Turns out we look exactly the same when we smile!
So, onwards this meme goes! All you need to do is find your favourite photo and post it. Sounds easy?!? If you would like to have a go please let me know and I will add you to the list but so far I tag:
Sew Scrumptious
Incense and Peppermints
Make Do Mum
Geriatric Mummy
Looking forward to seeing the photographs that you pick.
Wednesday, January 06, 2010
Driving home for Christmas
All this snow and all this chaos has reminded me of my worst ever trip in the snow. This is also the story of a very small plant called Bob.Christmas 2000 saw me and my boyfriend at the time driving from Brighton to visit our friends and family in Cornwall. I don't remember much about Christmas itself but I do remember the trip home.
We packed the two of us, two friends, all of our luggage and gifts into our Nissan Sunny. We were packed to the rafters but my mum insisted that I take home with me a small defenseless little houseplant. Naturally we named him Bob and tucked him up safely in a carrier bag and tried to find room for him in the car. It was not easy as we were so full but in the end we hung his handles from the lock sticking up on the passenger side.
We started off up the A30 from Hayle and we had literally pulled away from the kerb when it started to snow. We shrugged it off because in all of the time we had lived there (some twenty odd years) we had only seen real snow that settled a handful of times. By the time we were five minutes up the road it was coming down thick and fast. By the time we were 10 minutes up the road we were crawling along. By the time we were 15 minutes up the road we were at a standstill. We were stuck on the dual carriageway a mere 10 miles from where we set off with no means of going anywhere. A few telephone calls later between us and some other friends who were traveling and our parents ascertained that a lorry had jack-knifed on the roundabout ahead and nothing was going anywhere. The snow kept coming and we just had to sit there. My boyfriend had the flu, was not feeling well at all, and all three of us were still a bit hungover from the festive excess. This was not going to be a good journey.
We finally started moving two hours later and made the decision to keep going a bit further to see if it cleared before deciding whether to turn around. In the end we kept going as it wasn't too bad but we had to stop so many times for food and drinks and toilet breaks and tissues. Each time we stopped we carefully unhooked Bob, and set him down safely as we got in and out of the car. I was shattered, my boyfriend managed to drive for about 30 minutes and I was left to do the rest of the journey. The roads were crap, it got dark. Ugh.
We arrived back in Brighton ten hours after we left. I drove around Brighton, dropping each person off where they belonged, each time removing Bob from his little hook and holding onto him while we ejected each passenger and their belongings. Finally we made it to our street. We unloaded the car and traipsed in and our with the mountains of stuff. I went to park the car and got out carefully carrying Bob. I got to the front door of our block of flats, tripped up the stairs and Bob went flying from my hands and landed face down in the slush at the side of the road.
Gutted. 9 years later that is still my worst ever trip between here and there.
Photo Credit
Tuesday, January 05, 2010
Hoopla!
It is carnival time over at A Modern Mother. Get a cuppa and go and have a read. You know you want to.
Easidream review - Ewan the Dream Sheep
Initial thoughts I was very excited to receive Ewan! He is so cute and cuddly and a very pleasing round shape. When turned on he emits a lovely red glow from his belly and plays 4 different versions of 'pink noise' supposed to replicate sounds that the baby would have heard in the womb. We had been having trouble with Piran sleeping so this came at a good time. We liked The shape and feel of the sheep are great. I love that the tail has velcro so that you can safely attach him to the side of the cot. Piran loves him, the sounds definitely soothe him as he goes silent when I turn it on if he is restless in the night. He gravitates towards him in his cot at night. The sounds are great, not annoying at all and we actually found that it helped us go back to sleep as well!
We didn't like The only issue I have with this product is the fact that the batteries run out very quickly (in my opinion). It takes 3 x AAA batteries and I have found that these only last for approximately a two weeks when it is being used around 5 times a day. I will purchase some rechargeable ones which will help.
Overall We are very keen on the sheep indeed. We took it with us to Cornwall for Christmas and everyone was very impressed. It meant that Piran slept happily wherever we put him down to sleep, and we had no issues at all with his sleeping. We even used it when he started crying on the car journey home.
I really liked having the sheep when we moved Piran into his own room last week. It made me happier that he had something familiar with him that helped him sleep, and he can actually turn the sounds on himself if he wakes up (not sure if it is by accident or if he knows what he is doing). Now our only problem is we miss it in our room! I am due to become an Auntie again this year and I will be purchasing one as a newborn gift.
The official blurb
From the Easidream website:
Ewan our dream sheep
We also went to great lengths to make sure that we used the best possible sounds in our dream sheep to accompany the movement in the soothing system. With the help of the UoB’s foetal monitoring equipment, the actual womb sounds and heartbeat of a pregnant mum were recorded by the team. These sounds were then combined with household, musical and natural sounds at low bass frequencies of 125hz to produce ‘pink noise.’ This is the type of noise that babies predominantly hear when in the womb, which is why it is so effective. Again, parents were asked to trial a selection of sounds at home to find out which ones worked best with their baby and from these results, the top 4 most popular sounds were selected to be used in our dream sheep, ewan.
The final ingredient to the mix was the soothing pink glow that is emitted from ewan…. research has shown that babies are comforted by certain aspects of the womb, so a pink ambient glow was the natural choice for our dream sheep’s tummy.
RRP £26
Can be purchased from the Easidream website.
Piran with his Ewan
Disclaimer: We were provided with a Ewan free of charge for the purpose of this review.
Sunday, January 03, 2010
The time to wean is near!
I will be starting BLW in the next few weeks. Piran has just turned 5 months and I have read the book and although I am quite nervous I am looking forward to it.
However, I have just persevered over two months and managed to get Piran into a good nap and sleep schedule. I have read that it is good to give a meal 45 minutes to 1 hour after his milk feed (he is bottle fed) and that is the time that he naps!
I was wondering how others schedule the naps around the meal times. At the moment this is our rough schedule.
7am - wakes & has bottle
8.15am - 9am nap
10am - bottle
11am - 11.30am nap
1pm - bottle
2pm - 3.30pm nap
4pm - bottle
6pm - bath, bottle & bed
11pm - dream feed
He is flexible about the length of the naps but if he doesn't get one big one he is falling asleep by 5pm. Do you need to leave time between eating & sleeping or could he eat and then go straight for a nap?
Any advice or experience shared would be wonderful. I don't suppose it matters if you weaned the puree way or the BLW way how did you structure meal times? I have posted this question on the BLW forum too.
However, I have just persevered over two months and managed to get Piran into a good nap and sleep schedule. I have read that it is good to give a meal 45 minutes to 1 hour after his milk feed (he is bottle fed) and that is the time that he naps!
I was wondering how others schedule the naps around the meal times. At the moment this is our rough schedule.
7am - wakes & has bottle
8.15am - 9am nap
10am - bottle
11am - 11.30am nap
1pm - bottle
2pm - 3.30pm nap
4pm - bottle
6pm - bath, bottle & bed
11pm - dream feed
He is flexible about the length of the naps but if he doesn't get one big one he is falling asleep by 5pm. Do you need to leave time between eating & sleeping or could he eat and then go straight for a nap?
Any advice or experience shared would be wonderful. I don't suppose it matters if you weaned the puree way or the BLW way how did you structure meal times? I have posted this question on the BLW forum too.
Saturday, January 02, 2010
My hopes for 2010
Taking care of me - in the past few months as I have adjusted to life with my little man I have not spent any real time thinking about me. So, I will make a bit more effort where I can to look nice, brush my hair (even get it cut!) and take some me time where I can. I will try and eat better and find a way of exercising that doesn't seem like I am being punished.
Feeding my family - I want to eat better, because the past few months of adapting to life where my main task is to look after a small person has meant too many meals of biscuits at 3pm because I didn't manage to get lunch. I want to be more organised, I want to reduce the amount of food that we throw away and I want to build on my current repertoire of recipes. I plan on cooking one new recipe a week. Also, Piran will be six months old in a few weeks and our weaning journey will begin. I plan on trying to go the BLW route. I hope that it will help me eat better as well.
Resolve my work dilemmas - I am not due back to work until the start of June but there are questions surrounding it that I need to find the answers to. Unfortunately for my brain I cannot really blog about it right now. I am sure all will be resolved. But ugh, isn't it complicated?
Find my place in the world - links with the above. I need to find out what makes me happy and take the steps to fill my life with those things so I can find contentment that equals the contentment I feel with my family. I have the husband and the baby but those have been my goals for so long I guess I want to answer the question what now?
Blogging - love blogging, going to keep doing it. May treat myself to a proper blog design, who knows. The only thing I am going to do is stop worrying about whether I post too much or too little, whether I am interesting or not. I need to revel in how it makes me feel.
Date night - Mr C & I have decided we will make the effort to get a babysitter so we can go out once a month for a meal or to the cinema.
I am really looking forward to this year, I think it is going to be Great.
Feeding my family - I want to eat better, because the past few months of adapting to life where my main task is to look after a small person has meant too many meals of biscuits at 3pm because I didn't manage to get lunch. I want to be more organised, I want to reduce the amount of food that we throw away and I want to build on my current repertoire of recipes. I plan on cooking one new recipe a week. Also, Piran will be six months old in a few weeks and our weaning journey will begin. I plan on trying to go the BLW route. I hope that it will help me eat better as well.
Resolve my work dilemmas - I am not due back to work until the start of June but there are questions surrounding it that I need to find the answers to. Unfortunately for my brain I cannot really blog about it right now. I am sure all will be resolved. But ugh, isn't it complicated?
Find my place in the world - links with the above. I need to find out what makes me happy and take the steps to fill my life with those things so I can find contentment that equals the contentment I feel with my family. I have the husband and the baby but those have been my goals for so long I guess I want to answer the question what now?
Blogging - love blogging, going to keep doing it. May treat myself to a proper blog design, who knows. The only thing I am going to do is stop worrying about whether I post too much or too little, whether I am interesting or not. I need to revel in how it makes me feel.
Date night - Mr C & I have decided we will make the effort to get a babysitter so we can go out once a month for a meal or to the cinema.
I am really looking forward to this year, I think it is going to be Great.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
