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I said that I wasn't going to blog between Christmas and New Year, but I had to write a post telling you that, then share a Wordless Wednesday and now I have been tagged and because it is so fitting for the end of the year I couldn't resist! Besides, Mr C has gone to the pub, Piran is asleep and it is this or eating my own body-weight in chocolate.

The rules are to thank the person who tagged you, (Thank You Sandy) list your top 5 highlights from 2009 and then tag 5 more bloggers to do the same.

I would like to say at this point to everyone that tagged me an age ago for other bits, I will get round to them. It is just this one was pertinent to this time of year!

On we go with my top 5 highlights of 2009

It's a boy!
I remember being convinced that I was having a boy and we agreed to find out at my second scan the sex of the baby. He was wriggling around like a mad thing and the ultrasound technician was having a heck of a job getting all the measurements. She asked us if we definitely wanted to know and went looking for the required 'area'! Our little man seemingly stopped moving all together and showed off his necessary parts so we had no question that he was of the male variety! I turned to see a tear in the eye of my soppy husband. A perfect moment in time.

I bloody did it!
At first I didn't think I would include this with the wrong being induced, the labour where I felt completely out of control and Piran being taken to SCBU a few hours after birth but then I remembered that moment when I had come round a bit and Paul had Piran and I was waiting to get sorted out when I had this amazing rush. I remember texting my friend with one sentence "I BLOODY DID IT". God, that feeling was so intense, so pure I felt in that moment that I could have done ANYTHING.

Who's the mummy?
I struggled in the beginning to bond with Piran I think. The difficult birth, him being ill, the shock of it all, the issues with breastfeeding. I spent weeks, months even obsessing over whether I have been a good mum, if I am just good at being organised and looking after someone or if I take that further and be a mum. Then one day I was messing about with my camera when playing with Piran. I had set it to record video and was trying to make Piran laugh. Later that evening I downloaded everything from my camera and played the bit of video back. By the end of it I was in floods of tears. I am in my dodgy pj's, my hair is scraped back, the bags under my eyes are shocking. The love in my face and my voice just took my breath away. I was looking at a mum.

A place to share with all of you
I have been blogging for years, and I love that my blogs chart my life from a single girl living in Hove all the way through to today. But my love of all things 'blog' had two boosts in 2009. First I discovered Twitter, and from that blogging friends, some of which have become my real life friends. I love Twitter, trying to explain it to my mum was a challenge but in the end I described it as replacing the office banter that I miss now I am home all day. That and the advice that all the mums (and dads) out there give so freely have made staying at home a lot less lonely and isolated. That and the fact I discovered BMB my first week of maternity leave have made this blog what it is. There are too many highlights to mention but being contacted by PR people was a shock and made me feel that I had something useful to contribute. Reaching the heady heights of number 34 of the Tots 100 was a great feeling. But it is you, my friends and readers that make it all worthwhile. Thank you.

A stitch in time
The last time I tried to sew anything was a pair of culottes in secondary school that went so wrong they had to be changed into a pencil case. Finding out that I wasn't all that bad and that I could actually make nice things for my house and my friends has ignited my imagination and creativity in a way that I didn't know I had in me. It is nice, lovely to have a hobby, something that is mine. People loved all the presents I made them at Christmas, and it made me feel good.

Here are my five, apologies if you have been tagged already.
Tasha
Leslieanne
Bec
Victoria
Clareybabble

Look forward to hearing about your highlights.

Wordless Wednesday: For some reason it reminds me of Cabbage Patch Kids

Christmas break

Right now, in this strange time between Christmas and New Year where Mr C is back at work but Piran and I have none of our usual things to do I am taking a little blogging break. I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas. Piran didn't really know what was going on but we had a lot of fun!

We will be back on form in 2010. Happy New Year!

Merry Christmas

Last minute thoughts

It is midnight on Christmas Eve. Hope Father Christmas doesn't come here yet. I am up feeding the baby!

We went to the crib service at church this afternoon. It was lovely as I missed the service I like because of the snow so I got to sing some carols. The donkey in the nativity was played by a girl in a reindeer suit and the sheperds were eating sandwiches. It was the first time I took Piran to church and it was the church we were married in so it was very special. I am so blessed.

I am so happy to be here in Cornwall with my family, the weather and a suspected roof leak (actually condensation) almost kept us away but we are here and tomorrow I get to spend Piran's first Christmas with the other people that mean the most to me.

Peace and goodwill to you and your family, have a very merry Christmas x


Kelly

The art of letter writing

If you find it hard to read click on the picture to make it bigger. Simples!

Make it Monday: Mulled Cider

I am sad to say that I am not actually feeling all that festive this year. I think it has a lot to do with not working, usually I would have had a Christmas Lunch and swapped cards and Secret Santa presents. We would have donned silly hats and gone for a quick Christmas drink.

This year I have decorated our front room and that is it. Piran is too small for most of the Christmas things, I am fairly sure that he really has no idea! I did make some mince pies on Friday when we got snowed in which was nice. However, we are still snowed in, our estate does not get gritted, there is thick ice outside and going out with a pushchair was a nightmare. We slipped around the corner for our Sunday lunch today. My only night out this Christmas was cancelled last night as no one could make it and our babysitters would not have been able to get home. So all in all I am not feeling Christmassy at all. Bah humbug.

That said, the smell of this would make even Scrooge feel the joys of the season, and it would certainly make me feel great (if I could get to the shop for the ingredients. Which I can't. Okay I will shut up now!) It will warm your cockles on a snowy day that is for sure.

Mulled Cider
4 pints of still, dry farmhouse cider
3 apples - washed, cored and sliced
2 oranges, washed and sliced
Juice and zest of 1 unwaxed lemon
2 tsp ground mixed spice
8 whole cloves
2 cinnamon quills snapped in half
6 tbsp light soft brown sugar

Put all the ingredients into a pan, cover and heat gently for a minimum of 1 hour. Do not boil.

Add friends, fresh from a bracing walk out in the snow, and serve.


Still, there is still time and we are going to Cornwall in a few days for Christmas so being surrounded by family will help. Until then I will just dress Piran like this every day. That is bound to help ;)

Christmas Ornament Swap

This year I took part in the Secret Ornament Swap organised by Snaffles Mummy. It was fun picking some ornaments to send and I added one of my homemade decorations I made a while ago.

I completely forgot I would be getting one in return so it was a lovely surprise to receive a parcel with this lovely silver ornament in. Thank you Mimble.

It's a mystery

Piran has always been a great sleeper at night, going to bed with minimum fuss at 6pm each evening, we put him down awake and he puts himself to sleep. Up until he was 16 weeks he would then always have a bottle at 10pm and another at 3am, going straight back down after each bottle then woke around 7am.

The past three weeks however have been a bit different, the 10pm feed has become sometime between 11pm and midnight, and he then sleeps through until I wake him up at 7am. This is all lovely.

However, almost every night, sometime between 9.30 and 10 he wakes up and screams. Real tears, full on wailing. It usually takes 30 minutes to an hour to calm him down.

We took him to the doctor and there is nothing wrong that they can see. We have given calpol before bed, we have given it when he wakes but neither makes any noticiable difference. He is not hungry. One night I tried to let him just cry to see if he would go back to sleep but he just worked himself into a real state.

So, has anyone got any suggestions on how we can deal with this, what we should do? Anyone else had this and found the cause? I just want him to be happy.

Like he is here, looking at his very first snowy morning!

Dorma review - Boudior Cushion

Inital thoughts
I received a Boudior cushion from Dorma to review. I must admit that I have never heard of the company before, although from the press release that I received with the cushion it seems that they have been at this for quite a while, since 1921! It is a cream cushion with a patterned strip down the middle.


We Liked
It is a pretty cushion made with nice fabric and has an easily removable cover for washing. I have washed it once and it seemed to wash perfectly well. I have had a root around on the website and there is a lot of lovely linen. The website is good too, although it views slightly weird on my computer, I am using Firefox on my Mac so maybe that has something to do with it.

We didn't like
As cushions go this is a nice one. However, I would say that it is not really my taste, I prefer something a little brighter and with a pattern. The Memoirs Collection is more up my street with the lovely big peony pattern. I would have to say that at £30 it is more than I would spend on a cushion but I tend to make cushions for myself anyway. The bedlinen looks lovely but again it is quite expensive.

Overall
I like the fact that can you can get the whole coordinating range of bedlinen and matching cushions. Unfortunately these would be out of my price range, but they would be a lovely wedding present for someone as I am sure they are of the quality that would last and last. The website is clear and easy to use with great information, wish lists and online ordering.

The official blurb!
This Belvoir Cream Collection Cushion is designed by Dorma. Belvoir is a classically timeless damask jacquard, finely detailed scalloped braid styling and a deep top border add a glamorous decadence to the cushion and create a real love affair with luxury. Resplendent with its own accessories Belvoir is certain to add finesse and elegance to any bedroom.

Brand: Dorma
Colours available: One colour available in Cream
Drying instructions: Line dry
Filling: Polyester
Finish: Zipped
Material: Cotton, sateen
Pack size: One cushion
Pattern: Patterned
Sizes available: One size available in 30cm x 50cm (12" x 20")
Washing: Machine wash

For more information on the company click this link.

Disclaimer: We were provided with a cushion free of charge for the purpose of this review.

Our Christmas decorations

I love Christmas, and Christmas decorations. I don't seem to ever be able to amazing decorations but I always try and make the place look a little festive. Our house is 1970's with very little character (unlike the Cornish cottages that I grew up in that could be transformed into amazing grotto style fairylands - at least that is how I remember them!)

Anyway I do my best and I love my Christmas Tree.


I love these disco ball style ornaments. I hang them in the windows so if the sun ever comes out small lights dance across the walls.

I have tried to photograph them! You get the general idea.

Apologies for the rubbish photos in some cases. It is really hard to take pictures of decoarations and I am giving up trying to lay them out prettily as well I am shattered as usual! Each time I publish something else moves. Enjoy :)

Bad blogger

I am so tired. A week of bad sleeping on the part of Piran plus a stinking cold for me has sucked all of my energy and completely destroyed any creativity too.

I am stuck in a panic rut too. Like I feel that there is so much to do that I am incapable of working out what needs to be done, let alone actually start. I get paralysed, unable to start anything. Scared of being overwhelmed. There is so much I have to do, and as usual no time to do anything that I would LIKE to do.

Being ill was hard, the first time since becoming a Mum and although I used to try and get on with things regardless I did used to be able to get a decent night of sleep, something that has been severely lacking in these parts recently. Added to that Mr C is working his butt off and my MIL is also poorly and her brother is in hospital to my usual baby free time is not possible at the moment. It was only 4 hours a week but I am seriously missing those hours.

I don't have time to blog, and I am seriously lacking in inspiration right now. I am fed up of the look of my blog too. Perhaps a revamp is due in the New Year? I have no idea where to start mind you, and not sure I can find the time either! I will let the idea perculate at the back of my mind for a while.

Christmas is nearly sorted which is a relief, although I have to go on a Christmas card writing mission this evening. I know I will feel a bit better once I have got most of that done. Then I will have to start thinking about what to pack to go back down to Cornwall. At least it is a brief visit so we should be okay with the bare minimum.

On Saturday I am going to a one day creative writing course. So that is one thing I get to do for me, while Mr C is in charge of the baby. I am looking forward to it but also scared silly. I hope I get time to do Josie's Writing Workshop this week, I was gutted that I didn't have the energy this week.

Anyway, I hope that normal service will resume soon. I hope everyone had a lovely weekend.

Kelly

Make it Monday: Gingerbread

Oh, the tree is up and I am starting to feel very festive! I love making these gingerbread biscuits, I have a tree shaped cutter which I use. I hung them all over the tree one year but put them up too soon and as they softened they dropped off the tree one by one! Much better to just eat them but I do love the traditional decorations! I am going to make these as part of the hampers we are making for our parents for Christmas.

Makes: 25 gingerbread people (or any number of decorations!)
Ingredients

125g unsalted butter
100g dark muscovado sugar
4 tbsp golden syrup
325g plain flour
1 tsp bicarbonate of soda
2 tsp ground ginger
Supercook Writing Icing (optional)

Method
1.Preheat the oven to 170°C, gas mark 3. Line baking trays with baking parchment. Melt the butter, sugar and syrup in a medium saucepan, stirring occasionally, then remove from the heat.
2.Sieve the flour, bicarbonate of soda and ginger into a bowl and stir the melted ingredients into the dry ingredients to make a stiff dough.
3.Turn out onto a lightly floured surface and roll to a thickness of about 5mm (I do this between two layers of cling film, no mess). Dip biscuit cutters into flour before cutting the dough, or cut around templates. Place the shapes onto the lined baking trays and bake, in batches, for 9-10 minutes until light golden brown.
4.Remove from the oven. While still warm, and using a skewer or chopstick, make any holes that you will need to hang up the biscuits with ribbon.
5.When completely cool, decorate with the icing. The gingerbread biscuits can be stored in an airtight container for up to two weeks.

Yum :)

What makes a good parent?

I read this post recently and it has been playing on my mind. The lovely blogger was worrying about letting her child go to swimming lessons without her in the water. The swimming part is not the thing that I have been thinking about, more the whole idea of being protective of your children and not being able to, or not wanting to 'let go'.

Recently I heard about some friends of a friend who had a baby 9 months previously and they took the baby everywhere. In that 9 months the mum had not left the baby, not even for an hour. I don't know how old Piran was the first time that I left him with my MIL for the afternoon, but it was around the 6 weeks mark I think. Now, I know that we are lucky to have someone close by that can help out like this. I also know that the fact we were bottle-feeding meant I was able to do this. However, the general feeling that I have picked up online and from Twitter friends most people are reluctant to leave the baby, they feel like they are missing a limb, they worry about them the whole time they are gone.

I don't. I will happily leave Piran with his Nan or with his Dad and disappear off into the sunset to enjoy my fleeting baby free hours. The way I look at it, Mr C is his Dad and is just as qualified to look after him as me. My MIL knows more about raising children than me anyway, she has been doing it a lot longer. She calls if there is something she is not sure of, she respects my wishes and looks after Piran in the way that we do.

So, what is my problem? Well I am starting to feel that because I happily go on my merry way and enjoy my time apart from my baby that I am not wired right. That I don't have the right kind of love for him. I do love him. If I am away from him all day I start to miss him and think about what his day has been like. But I don't feel that urge to be with him at all times. When we are at Little Dippers the instructor talks about parents that don't like to let go of the baby underwater but I just get on with it. I guess I want him to be his own little independent person not clinging to me all the time. I couldn't manage that at all. I need that space for my sanity.

I am emotionally involved with the little man. Today he did this thing with his legs when he was on his front which was the beginnings of him moving the way he needs to in order to start moving under his own steam and I had to leave the room as I was a little choked up. My FIL was there and I didn't want to blub in front of him. I love his smiles and his giggles and how much he is changing.

I am not sure that this is coming out right. I don't think that I am a bad parent. But I also worry when I read that some people cannot bear to let their child cry. I know that if Piran is over tired and we are late having a nap the only way he will go to sleep is if he cries for a short while first. I let him cry, but I don't walk away. I sit at the top of the stairs and listen. Like I feel that it is okay for him to cry as long as I am listening to it. I am happy with my decision, however I found it really hard when we were staying with family, like they were judging me and the way that I do things.

I guess what I want to know is, do these feelings get stronger the longer you are a mum? Or, is this just the way I feel about my child and that is unlikely to change. I wonder what I will be like when they go to school. Will I cry? As Piran's personality develops will my feelings develop? If he is strong and independent will I be happy to let go. If he is more sensitive will I feel more protective?

I think the case here is that I am reading far too much into trying to understand these feelings that I have never had before. I have been in a difficult mood all weekend and am very frustrated with the little man, as he had dropped a night feed but last night decided he wanted it again. I got used to getting into a routine only to have it changed a couple weeks later but the last couple of weeks Piran has been ill and everything changes everyday and I find it really hard to manage. I guess I had it in my mind that by the time he was 4 months old things might be a little bit more settled. I am learning that is not the case.

After we stayed with my mum last week she says that he has a complicated personality. It is funny. I thought he was quite a handful but I had nothing to compare him to so I thought that perhaps it was just me not knowing what having a baby is like. But then I read blogs about people's chilled babies and I know that our little man is not really that. I don't want to complain but I do think that he is very hard work some days. It was nice to see that other people think I am justified in the way I see him.

I think a lot about whether I will be a good parent. Will I be strong enough to stand my ground like this blogger? Will I be a pushover? Will I be able to teach my child good manners and respect? Will he run rings around me? Will I yell and shout? Will I be able to keep calm? Will I give in and let them watch tv all day eating things that are bad for them? How will I deal with a picky eater, a bad sleeper, tantrums? I know it is too early to worry about this but when in starts to sink in that you have signed up for life these questions creep in.

Nothing in this world can prepare you for being a mum, how your life changes. When we were on holiday I realised that I will never get a true holiday as long as he is with us. When we are away I do all of the things I do everyday, the things that I see as my job now that I am at home, it is just in a different place. I love being a mum, it is the hardest job in the world, but ultimately the most rewarding. I just need to hang on in there.

Cumbria Floods - Auction

Very shortly after we moved into our house that we had spent a lot of time and effort doing up we were flooded. In bloody July. Not exactly expected. We got a call at work and flew out of there like our pants were on fire. It was by far the worst car journey we had ever had together, not knowing how bad it was and what was happening was horrific. I remember keeping it together until we were just down the road and then just falling apart. We came round the corner to see fire engines everywhere and chaos.

Luckily, our neighbors had done what they could without being able to get into our house and put sandbags around the doors and when we got inside it was just surface water throughout the downstairs of our house and conservatory. It was still a nightmare dealing with insurance, getting 4 month old carpets relaid and all that clearing up.

The floods in Cumbria last month have left 900 families homeless. Among them are young families, the elderly, those with disabilities. There is a way we can help them.

The amazing Kat from Housewife Confidential has set up an online charity auction in aid of the Cumbria Flood Recovery Fund.

The auction is being hosted by the fabulous Natalie at Bambino Goodies.

Many bloggers have donated auction lots, or used their contacts to ask for help. There are too many to mention here.

You can read all about the stunning auction lots

or go straight to the bidding page.

The auction closes at 6pm on Sunday 6th December.

Please, take time to go and look and bid on something, even if it is small. You could pick up some Christmas presents!

Competition time

April Showers Blog Design is having a HUGE giveaway and celebrating her OPEN waiting list that starts January 1st! April not only does blogs - but also invitations, announcements, calendars, cards, business cards, custom illustrations, and so much more! Just by pasting this paragraph on my blog I'm a winner!

April Showers

Dear Me

Dear Me,

So. You are 16 now. Last night was insane! You finally felt part of something. And you know what, you are. Some of those people will be your friends for a very long time. Treasure them.

So, what can I tell you? I don't want to spoil anything. Well, ok. Tonight you are going to lose your virginity in a tent in your parent's back garden. The condom splits and you get caught leaving the tent. Hold on. Don't do it then and there. It will save a row with your parents and a trip to the doctors for the morning after pill. There will be plenty of other opportunities.

Here it is. Don't worry so much about fitting in. Being who you are suits you better. Don't be such a doormat. When you meet that boy in the high street shortly after starting college just go for it. Then get it out of your system. The boy is good but I spent 10 years obsessing over the relationship that never happened. He is a rubbish kisser but the connection you have at times puts that in the shade.

Know that your Mr Right is out there, that one day you will meet and get married and have kids. Don't try and force it on the boys you are with in the next few years.

Before doing anything that affects someone else, imagine what it would be like if they did it to you. This will save a couple of friendships and hopefully stop you acting like a complete and utter bitch.

Appreciate your parents. I am one now and wow, you really have no idea how hard it is. Don't be so hard on your stepdad, he loves you in his own way. Go and tell your mum now how much it hurts you when he buys you bags as presents and jokes that they are for when you move out. Besides, when you were thrown out a few weeks ago you packed one of your own anyway. Now that they have let you come back try and behave. The alternative isn't good. If you dad and stepmum are fighting leave and don't look back. You do not have to suffer their drama. They will calm down in a year or two.

Enjoy your youth, do not let fear hold you back. Do not go to the nightclub alone with a group of strangers during Freshers week at University. It will change your life forever. Do not be afraid to follow your heart when you find being away from home is too much. Going back is the start of something special.

Wear short skirts as much as you can, you will hit 24 and never be so skinny again! Never spend more than you have. Laugh every day. Be kind. Tell the people in your life you love and appreciate them.

Have fun.

Kelly