My name is Kelly and I am a blogger

I have been blogging for over 4 years, and not that many people know about it. When I started I was completely anonymous, under the name of Dancinfairy. I blogged about my life and my sometimes disastrous love life. I blogged at work and about work and because it was all anonymous it didn't really matter.

Then slowly I let my guard down with a couple people and then a couple more. Then I got completely drunk one night and told all of my friends. Then, even though they probably immediately forgot I didn't feel comfortable about the whole thing. So I started a new blog (this one, orginally called 'A place to hide') I just checked and my first real post after moving across from my old blog was 22nd July 2007. Wow, over 2 years ago.

Slowly over time I have dropped the anonymity and now I am just Kelly. You know what I look like, what my husband looks like and my son's name and incredibly cute face!! You know where I come from and roughly where I live.

But one thing remains. The 'real' people in my life don't know about this blog. They do know about this one, but that was just put together when Mr C and I moved into this house and I wanted to keep my family up to date on what we had achieved. They do not know that I have a personal blog where I write about, well everything! Everyone I write about on here has a nickname, but they do not know that they are being written about.

However, now I am on maternity leave blogging has become more than something that I do occasionally. It is part of my every day life. I am posting or thinking of posting, or making things and taking pictures to post on Monday. And, to be honest, I love it. Being at home all the time is a bit if a shock to the system when I have been a 9-5 office girl for so long. I don't miss that at all, but it is nice to have something that is mine.

My problem has come from the fact that because I am blogging more things have changed. I have made friends that I have met in real life and my mum asked me how I got to know them (a vague 'on the internet' made her a little worried. It's okay mum, I am not a child!). I have won prizes and people want to know how I entered them (blogging, all blogging). I am being contacted regarding reviews more and more often and although I turn down anything that is not relevant to me I have received some things, and some others are in the pipeline. Now, I could say that we bought all of these items but it kinda looks like we are being frivolous with our money and we are not.

So I am wondering if perhaps it is time I came out of the blogging closet. I am worried about their reactions to it though. I have lived away from my family for the last 9 years. We are still close and they know me well but here, in my little place of the internet I am truly myself. I do not censor myself. I do not hold back. I write about my triumphs and my bad days. I write about the struggles I have being a first time mum. I boast about my gorgeous baby. What would they think about the fact that I post pictures of my little family. That Piran is known by a little part of the internet. I really am in two minds what to do. I don't want to be judged. Am I being too hard on them? Or paranoid?

So, does your family read your blog? Any advice? I would love to know what everyone else does.

Picture created using Wordle.

Happy Halloween

I made Piran a pumpkin this week. This is my effort (no scary faces, didn't want to give him nightmares!)



Then last night my dad emailed me his version. Show off! Seriously, how cool is that? I love the Trick or Treat bit.

Wordless Wednesday: Autumn Sunday Family Walk

Best of friends

If you click on the picture it will take you to Josie's fantastic blog, Sleep is for the Weak. This week is week 3 of the Writing Workshop. This is my submission this week I chose to write about my best friends. I must admit it is quite short, but I am very worn out from the clocks changing and Piran not adjusting to it very well! But I am pleased I put something together:


I give you the girls in my life. From left to right we have City Girl, Girlie #2, me and Girlie #1. We do not see each other as much as I would like and we are very rarely in one place together at the same time (my wedding was the last time) but I love them all like mad.

City Girl is the one person in my life that understands the emotional ups and downs I can suffer from. She is larger than life and instantly befriends anyone she meets. She drinks and smokes and swears like a trouper. She will rip the living piss out of me, and she takes it when I give back as good as I get. She is guaranteed to make me laugh so hard I almost wee every time I see her.

Girlie #2 is slightly older than me and we have a lot in common. We can spend hours together in the pub chatting and laughing, discussing books and films and the people we love. She has been a source of inspiration to me. She has supported me and given me great advice both from a personal and a work perspective. She is amazing with Piran and I hope she gets to be a mum some day, she would be so good at it.

Girlie #1 is a very talented and amazing young lady. She made my wedding dress and she makes costumes for films and at Glynebourne and the English National Opera. I wish I had a quarter of her talent. She has a fun and silly side that I just love. I find her so easy to talk to and hours can pass just chatting away with a cup of tea and a slice of cake (vegan for her). She has made some amazing changes in her life over the last few years and I am so proud of her. She has been best friends with City Girl for too many years to count but they never make me feel like a third wheel, just three really good friends together.

This is what happens if all four of us are in London and go out for Sunday lunch. There may have been some wine involved!

Make it Monday: Craft projects

So, I have not been up to much for the last couple of weeks. I am sort of in a 'it is Autumn and if I am going to be cooped up in this house all Winter it needs to be sorted' so I am clearing all cupboards, recycling, freecycling and giving bags of stuff to charity shops. So I don't have a lot to show you at the moment. Rest assured there are posts in the pipeline though!

So this week I thought I would share with you some of the things I have found on the internet that I want to make but don't have the time!

There are loads of embroidery patterns on LollyChops that I like. If you have time have a browse around this site - there are so many great projects that I would love to do!

I have lots of lavender from the garden this year so I am hoping that I manage to make a heat bag as a Christmas present for my MIL.

I just love this Scrappy Bird Mobile and I have lots of bits of material that would work. Thinking of making a grown up version for my room in muted fabric and a bright and beautiful one for Piran's room.

And as it is half term and Halloween at the end of the week why not try a wooden spoon witch puppet or a ghost or anything else you can think of. Or make a Halloween mobile.

What I enjoyed reading lately

It is that time of the week again already. Time is precious at the weekend as a family so this will be a brief one this week (last week's was quite long). So with no further ado, I give you this week's offerings from my google reader.

There is a bit of a theme this week - all of these posts made me laugh. On a wet and rainy day like today we need all the fun we can get!

Sally at Who's the Mummy has the tale of an interesting show and tell incident and Flea's newly increased vocabulary.

Tara at Sticky Fingers has issues with Santa and is trying to explain grown up parties.

Brit in Bosnia's one sided conversation in things she said to her husband.

Rachel is trying to understand what FP wants.

Lastly, English Mum is trying to explain political correctness.

I hope these amuse you as they amused me. Hope next week is full of sunshine and joy.

The F Word

My baby is 12 weeks old today. He is bottle fed.

There have been a lot of babies appearing in blog and twitter land the past few weeks and even a couple in real life too (well my real life if you know what I mean). It is lovely, who doesn't love to hear about a new baby but there has been a flip side to it for me. Feelings of jealousy and anger that people got to have the birth experience that I wanted, people that have found breastfeeding easy, those that have persevered and have found their way. Please do not misunderstand me. I am filled with wonder and joy and love for these people and I do not wish to take anything away from their experiences but I have found myself in tears on many occasions over the past few weeks and I need to do something positive about it. So I have decided to write about what happened after Piran was born, and my struggles with breastfeeding. I am also going to go and talk about my induction and labour with a midwife at the hospital (although I have to wait for an appointment).

This will be a long post I am afraid. Hope you can stay with me.

Piran was born at 5.19pm. Due to the fact I was on the drip for induce me I had to sit and wait four hours for it to finish before I was allowed to leave the delivery suite. I remember the sending of messages, getting onto twitter to tell the world. Seeing Mr C dress and cuddle the baby. We had a couple goes at breastfeeding but Piran seemed content to doze. Finally I was cleaned up and everything except the catheter was removed and they wheeled me on the bed to the ward. Piran had quite a lot of mucus and was bringing it up quite a lot. Mr C was exhausted and went home and I was left with my baby. He fell asleep on my chest then I called the midwife to put him in his cot. He was still being sick and I was worried that I wouldn't be able to get to him if he was choking (I was bed bound) so the midwife offered to watch him while I got a couple hours sleep.

A hour later she came back to say that he had started to posset green bile and she was going to get the doctor to have a look. The doctor came and told me that they were a little worried so they would take him to SCBU and give him an xray. I was in bed on a ward full of mums and new babies and mine was somewhere else, alone. I kept it together for 30 minutes then called the midwife. All I could think was that he was by himself, so little and helpless and poorly. She rang SCBU and they let me go round in a wheelchair and see him in the big incubator for five minutes before I had to leave while they xrayed him. They came to see me 2 hours later to tell me that it had been inconclusive, that he still had bile that they were removing by a tube from his tummy and they would keep an eye on him. I decided not to call Mr C as I knew that one of us needed a good night of sleep.

At 6am, I asked them to remove my catheter and then I was mobile and could go and sit with my baby. Unfortunately though, I was not well, I had lost quite a lot of blood had a high pulse and kept feeling sick and feint. I text Mr C and tried to ask him to come straight in without panicking! When he arrived I explained what had happened and he took over talking to the doctors and finding out what was happening. I think, when he arrived I just shut down. I went to see Piran a couple of times, but until I knew he was okay I couldn't bring myself to feel anything. They said that I should try to hand express but it was a waiting game. Piran would have repeated tests and we would not feed him for at least 24 hours. We then had a day of waiting to find out of Piran would need to go to Brighton for a surgical consult or an operation. I was not well enough to do anything and had to lie down most of the time. I would not be able to go with him if they had to move him.

The rest is a 4 day story of how he got better and better but I wanted to write about the breastfeeding really. A breastfeeding lady came and saw me late in the afternoon and showed me how to hand express. I started doing it every hour that I could manage and collecting the colostrum in syringes, storing it to give to the baby when he was allowed to eat again. Each hour I was getting 0.2ml to 0.4ml (a teaspoon is 5ml). Such tiny tiny amounts. God, it was hard and soul destroying and I would just sit and do it. I was on the ward, hiding behind the curtain feeling horribly exposed at visiting hours while people showed off their new babies to their family and I quietly cried and expressed. In the end Mr C said something and I was moved to a private room.

After two days I was allowed to try and feed him. I was in SCBU and each time I tried there was someone else trying to help me. So hard. No privacy, there were up to 5 other babies on the ward at any time. By now I was expressing using the electric pump as well. In the end I made the decision along with the doctor that we would give Piran all the breast milk from a bottle topped up with formula so we knew what he was getting. That way he would be allowed off the drip. The first real feed he had he slept for six hours for the first time since he was born. He looked so happy and full. To be honest this time is all a jumble of memories, getting up in the night and walking out the ward round to SCBU to change nappies and express and just sit and stare at him. I was on some sort of auto pilot. I had my midwife checks when they were quiet at 5am. I missed the food and drugs cart so just used to ask for my pain relief when I knew it was due. I made sure I ate as much as possible, kept drinking and showered when he was asleep. I had to be as well as I could to look after him.

When Piran was 4 days old he was no longer ill but they were adamant that I had to learn to breastfeed before leaving the hospital. They told me that because he had been sick the only thing he should have was breast milk, even though we had already given him formula to get him off the drip (one doctor did one thing, the next changed it). The pressure that created was horrific, I felt like if I couldn't feed him then he would be sick forever. The only thing that was worse was when he first got sick and the only thing he had eaten was breast milk and I thought that it was my milk that made him sick (we never found out what it was).

By then I had been there for 8 days and was tired, battered and brusied and in pain from labour and I just couldn't do it. There were a million things that made it harder, like each time I fed him there would be a different nurse giving me advice. I was in the SCBU, they were not midwives just normal nurses. There was very little privacy. Piran would scream and scream and arch his back and wouldn't even go to my breast. I was fighting him and it was horrible. He would flail about and grab my already sore nipples. I was expressing as much as possible, and in the end they would give it to him in a cup first and then we would try and feed when he was calmer. This worked but I was never sure I had the positioning right and a lot of the time there was no one to really ask. I lost count of the number of women that grabbed my breasts.

In the end I begged to leave. I told them that I was sure that most of the problems that we had been having were due to me being stressed about being in hospital. He was a good weight and had only lost a couple ounces. They finally let us go and when we got home I breastfed well for three feeds. Then, in the middle of the night he was hungry and wouldn't feed and I just couldn't do it anymore. I gave him formula and he slept. The next day I expressed and gave him formula top ups, trying him on the breast but he would constantly fight me. In the end I found myself getting angry at him which made me feel beyond terrible. To have those feelings towards your own baby is scary, and unmentionable. I just gave up. He loved his bottles so I expressed as much as I could every day and gave him what I could. It lasted for about two weeks until my milk ran out. I had given him a good start, although not as much as I wanted to and because my milk went gradually my boobs coped better than just stopping. The day my milk stopped was the worst day. I cried and cried and I was sleep deprived and had not left the house for 7 days and in the end Paul just chucked me out for a hour. Best thing he could have done, I had a break then came home and went to sleep and he fed Piran and the next day the health visitor turned up and I was resigned to my decision and the fact that he was now solely bottle fed and that was that.

The worst part now is the 'what ifs'. What if I had a normal, natural birth? What if he had not been ill?What if I was allowed to feed him in the first 48 hours instead of him being nil by mouth? What if one person had the time to spend with me consistently feeding him? What if we had done this in the comfort of our own home? What if I had not been so ill and tired and drained from being in hospital that long?

I want to scream at the universe "It's just not fair" and then the guilt kicks in, I have a healthy happy baby. Who am I to complain???

It took me weeks to bond with my baby. Some days I wonder if I have yet. Those are the bad days, when I start to doubt myself. Stupid days. Of course I have. I love him so much. I wonder at my ability to leave him, as I am usually fine for a few hours. But that just means that I am able to look after my well being as well as his and I trust his Nanny to look after him, she has had more experience than me. His smile makes me cry I am so happy. Seeing him with his Dad makes me feel like the luckiest person in the world. When I see how much he has changed over the past few months it blows me away. Of course we have bonded. He is my world.

I will come out the other side of this, I will come to terms with the way things happened and the implications of that. I hope that he does not suffer from being given formula. I applaud every woman who manages to breastfeed but also every woman who formula feeds as I don't think it is ever an easy decision. It wasn't for me. Sometimes when I feed him when we are out in public I worry about what people think of me. I hope that they would try to understand before judging me.

The first time I held my baby after he got sick.

His first morning at home. Scoffing his bottle of breast milk!

Feeling lucky?

Bling and Buy has an amazing competition - only open until midnight tonight, many beautiful prizes. If I win I will not need to do any Christmas shopping for friends, unless I cannot bear to give them up!

Update: Well, I only went and won it! So excited!

Heaven Can Wait Competiton Winner

The big draw, with a little help from my assistant Piran.

Congratulations New Mummy

Wordless Wednesday: A place of my very own. FOR REAL!

Our new and improved spare room (with sofa bed for those pesky visitors). It is a thing of beauty. I am in love.

It needs work to make it pretty but as an added plus, now we get our dining table back!

Have you....

....entered my competition yet? Less than 24 hours left. I have finished the book and LOVED it. Here is Piran demonstrating just how great it is.

Snuggle central

If you click on the picture it will take you to Josie's fantastic blog, Sleep is for the Weak. This week is week 2 of the Writing Workshop. This week there were so many great prompts to choose from that it took me a day to decide. Anyway, I finally did and here is my post. I had no plan and just starting writing, I am happier with some parts than others but all in all I like it:

Under my bed there is the following:
A washing up bowl
A bolster style pillow
A v shaped pillow
Some antibiotics
A hot water bottle in a fleecy cover
A box of tissues
A bag for life
A stack of Good Food magazines
A Rick Stein cookbook
Some other books that are too far under for me to reach

Half of that is the detritus of pregnancy, various shaped pillows that enclosed my body for a week or so at a time to be hastily cast aside when something else fit better or made me slightly more comfortable. I miss being able to do that, get everything just right and create a nest for me and my Squigler, settling in for dreams of new baby cuddles and finally becoming a mum. The washing up bowl was for the soaking of feet and later to deal with a sickness bug at 38 weeks that I hoped might have been the start of labour but was not to be (unless it lasted 4 weeks!). The hot water bottle that eased my aches and pains, backache being the worst.

Actually, looking around this room that I spent so long making just so for me and my new husband, it has all completely changed since I fell pregnant and subsequently had a baby. The bed itself was replaced by this wonderful king sized bed which held all our hopes and dreams of family cuddles and lie ins at weekends. When I was pregnant it still did not seem big enough but now at times I find that the two of us are spooned together and only using half of the bed. I suspect this will come in handy if a wriggly toddler decides he would rather be sleeping with us. Piran and I play on the white soft spotty covers every morning, me typing as he learns to make new sounds and kick his legs just that little bit higher in the air.

Our bedroom has Green-Blue Farrow and Ball painted walls and big flower covered Laura Ashley curtains. I picked a spotty duvet cover so the colours match but the patterns are different and you know what, it worked so well. I was in coordinating heaven. Now I have a cot bejewelled with all of the primary colours and more - white hippos galloping on a red background, colourful stripes and wiggles and patterns of the sheets. A tiny love mobile all colours of the rainbow. A chair covered in teal and fabric with trees on that actually could go if there was just room!

This room has undergone the metamorphasis from the room we made that was our own little hideaway to one of a family and the squished up chaos makes me feel complete. I still have my little reminders - the wedding photo of us on the beach, our little cake topper people on the shelf above the bed, another wedding photo behind. On top of the wardrobe are two cheeky penguins. They are mine, not Piran's. Trevor is big and round and fluffy. I have owned him for 15 years and in my very first home of my own had his own room at the bottom of the airing cupboard. I found Dave in a charity shop many years ago. He is hand knitted and wonky and just wonderful and has always travelled with me, even so far as Tenerife.

I have written this post in my pajamas's cross legged on the bed as Piran plays and chatters next to me. I love these early mornings, just the two of us during the week and with the addition of the most important man in our lives at weekend. This is what I imagined when I thought of being a mum when I curled up in my nest all those months ago. I am filled with love and happiness.

Make it Monday: Oven bake risotto

Another recipe this week. I discovered this when trying to find a recipe to use up cherry tomatoes from the garden but I just love sticky rice dishes, and the added bonus on this is that it is so simple, which for us is great with a new baby and having to find time to do extra things like cook and eat! I love risotto but standing in front of the stove lovingly stirring every drop of stock into the rice is not going to happen. This one, well you just bung it in the oven and soon you have a cracking dinner. This is for bacon and tomato, but next week I am hoping to make chicken, pea and mushroom I think. Mmm, now I am hungry. Enjoy!

Ingredients:
250g pack smoked bacon , chopped into small pieces
1 onion , chopped
25g butter
300g risotto rice
half a glass of white wine (optional)
150g pack cherry tomatoes , halved
700ml hot chicken stock (from a cube is fine)
50g parmesan , grated

Method:
Heat oven to 200C/fan 180C/gas 6. Fry the bacon pieces in an ovenproof pan or casserole dish for 3-5 mins until golden and crisp. Stir in the onion and butter and cook for 3-4 mins until soft. Tip in the rice and mix well until coated. Pour over the wine if using and cook for 2 mins until absorbed.
Add the cherry tomatoes and the hot stock, then give the rice a quick stir. Cover with a tightly fitting lid and bake for 18 mins until just cooked. Stir through most of the parmesan and serve sprinkled with the remainder.

Seriously Yummy!

What I enjoyed reading lately

We have been out to meet some friends for a lovely Sunday lunch and to introduce Piran to them. Now we are spending quality Sunday afternoon time on the sofa, Mr C watching Gardeners World, the baby kicking his legs in the air and shouting at the TV. So I thought this would be the perfect time to share some of my favourite posts from the past two weeks. Thanks again to Peggy for the idea and the pretty picture!


Josie from Sleep is for the weak wrote about her love for her son. As did Insomniac Mummy. Both beautiful posts, on the same subject. Different experiences and views, the combination of both made me feel a lot better about how I am feeling about becoming a mum and my love for the little boy who is our own.

Louise at Sew Scrumptious wrote about the Operation Christmas Child. Watch this short video, the excitement just blew me away. Think I will do a proper post on this soon, but please think about getting involved. I have been thinking more recently about how I like to live my life and the way in which I treat other people and have decided that I love to do nice things for people, it makes me feel happy. I love the whole idea of 'paying it forward'.

Mothership writes about children and bullying and how things are not always as black and white as she was mean to me. It really made me think about some of my experiences as a child.

I loved reading everyone's experiences of being pregnant over at A Mother's Secrets. I think the overwhelming consensus is that no matter what happens in pregnancy it is almost all forgotten when you hold that baby in your arms for the first time.

This post from Fourdownmumtogo almost made me long for another baby, the description of that first night with a new baby when you have done it before sounded so wonderful. Perhaps because I didn't have that amazing first night with my baby staring at the wonder of him, as he was poorly. Anyway, the screaming of an eleven week old snapped me out of it!

Mrs OMG Pregnant wrote her birth story in super quick time and we were introduced to Lola Grace. How cute? Too cute! I am so pleased she had such a positive experience.

Cally writes about how it feels to become a published author and see her book in the shops. She is a friend of mine and I am so happy for her. Also, the book is GREAT! I finished it in 4 days, which is an achievement, as the last book I read took 8 weeks!

And finally, as there is quite a lot up there for you to read, just two more. I laughed at Sally at Who's the Mummy being thrown out of Flea's bed and I loved Brit in Bosnia's description of her wedding day.

So that is it. For now. The problem with this blogging lark is that there are so many great writers with interesting things to say that my Google Reader might go pop! Hope everyone has had a good weekend, and that good things happen for everyone this week.

I knew her before she was famous - a giveaway

My ever-so-clever friend Cally has written a book. Today is the official publication date of her debut novel but as a good dutiful friend I had pre-ordered my copy from Amazon months ago and it turned up yesterday morning. I was hooked by page 27!

"ohh, that is a pretty cover," I hear you cry "what is it all about?"

'What would I do without you, Lucy Brown?' he said, and kissed me softly. I held his face in my hands and kissed him back. I felt that life just couldn't get any more perfect. And I was right, it wouldn't. By the end of the next day, I'd be dead.

Lucy is about to marry the man of her dreams - kind, handsome, funny Dan - when she breaks her neck the night before their wedding. Unable to accept a lifetime's separation from her soulmate, Lucy decides to become a ghost rather than go to heaven and be parted from Dan. But it turns out things aren't quite as easy as that.

When Lucy discovers that Limbo is a grotty student-style house in North London she's less than thrilled. Especially after meeting her new flatmates: grumpy, cider-swilling EMO-kid Claire; and Brian, a train-spotter with a Thomas the Tank Engine duvet and a big BO problem. But Lucy has a more major problem on her hands - if she wants to become a ghost and be with Dan she has to complete an almost impossible task. How the hell does a girl like Lucy find a girlfriend for the dorkiest man in England? IT geek Archie's only passions are multi-player computer games and his Grandma. But Lucy only has twenty-one days to find him love. And when she discovers that her so-called friend Anna is determined to make a move on the heart-broken, vulnerable Dan, the pressure is really on...

Interested? Well I am here to let you know you can win your very own shiny copy. Not just any old copy. Oh No. A SIGNED COPY. No more, no less.

Winning could not be more simple. I was thinking of running a clever competition but I have zero free braincells (ahh baby brain) to think up something fancy so if you leave me a comment your name is in the proverbial hat!

Want to increase your chances? If you complete one or more of the following you will get extra entries:
1) Follow this blog (if you do already mention this in your comment)
2) Blog about this competition with a link to this post on your own blog (and let me know in the comments)
3) Tweet this competition including my twitter name (@Kellyfairy) so I know all about it!

So, a maximum of 4 entries per person. Closing date will be Wednesday 21st October at 5pm and Piran and I will pick the winner out of the hat shortly after.

Check out Cally's website www.callytaylor.co.uk for further information on the lovely lady herself and more exciting competitions to co-incide with the publication of "Heaven Can Wait" on 15 October 2009, including the very special 'Heaven Can Wait Short Story Competition' (with prizes that money can't buy!). The book is available from Amazon now.

Wordless Wednesday: Puff the Magic Dragon

My amazing find from the Nearly New sale at the school this weekend. It even has a tail. And very warm which is perfect for our morning walks because it was freezing this morning! I can take him trick or treating in it for Halloween as well.

A perfect room just for me

If you click on the picture it will take you to Josie's fantastic blog, Sleep is for the Weak (I have blog envy, I admit. I love her layout so much, wish I could do something that cool!). This week is week 1 of the Writing Workshop. Here is my post:

So, a perfect room just for me. I have been daydreaming about this for 24 hours and I just cannot make up my mind what such a room would contain. The thing is, it would be massive if it had everything in it that I would like to do. Then it hit me. It would be my very own Room of Requirement.

Today I am not feeling well, I have toothache and PMT and I am generally grouchy so my room would be cosy and warm. There would be a massive bed with a soft fluffy duvet wrapped in white, freshly washed 100% cotton covers. There would be hundreds of pillows and I would have a lovely hot water bottle. There would be flannel pyjamas for me to wear and a woolly hat. The walls would be lined with chick flicks on DVD and I would while away hours sobbing at happy endings and drinking endless cups of tea and delicious biscuits with no calorific value what so ever! I would probably snooze every now and then too.

If I was in a creative mood the door would open to a light airy attic studio. It has skylights in the roof that flood the room with light. There is a big square table in the middle of the room, big enough to lay out and cut fabric, with my sewing machine on one side. There is a big wooden cupboard and when you open the doors there are shelves and shelves of beautiful fabric. There are baskets overflowing with buttons and ribbons and bits and pieces. There is a bookcase stuffed with books about sewing and crafts. One wall is painted with blackboard paint and I scribble lists and ideas and draw pictures in chalk. I can sew and create and listen to audio books as I do.

If I was craving solitude I would be walking into a library where books line every wall and there is even a mezzanine floor above with more bookshelves stuffed with books. There is a fireplace with a roaring fire and a desk in the corner for writing letters. An overstuffed cosy armchair with a soft blanket are in front of the fire and I will curl up here and read books and drink mulled cider. The weather would roar outside and I would be cosy and warm and content inside.

When I was feeling full of life the room would have big french doors that opened out onto a balcony. I could hear the sea and soft breezes would stir the floor length curtains. I would sit at a little table and drink tea and juice and eat croissants for breakfast whilst reading the paper. The room would be white and full of light. I would sit there all day, writing on the laptop and soaking up the sunshine.

My last room would be a big kitchen, with tiled floors and dark wood and a big family wooden table in the middle of the room. When life was too hectic and I was stressed out I would slip in and start to cook an involved dinner that takes a long time and needs to be lovingly prepared. I would listen to the afternoon play on radio 4. I would bake tasty treats for the ones that I love and sneak my Mum in to share a cup of tea and have a gossip with me.

I could go on forever, but these are my favourites. Now my toothache is so bad I must go and hide in my real bed and dream of infinite possibilities.

Someone just wants to say hello

This is for the lovely Mrs from OMG We're Pregnant, who is now OMG a Mum!

Make it Monday: Cupcakes!

This week I have decided to share my favourite cupcake recipe at the moment. So yummy and very simple to make.

Gingerbread cupcakes with Lemon cream cheese frosting.
Makes 12

For the Gingerbread cupcakes:
1/2 cup self raising flour
1/2 cup plain flour
1/4 tsp Bicarbonate of soda
1 tsp ginger
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/4 tsp nutmeg
1 egg
1/2 cup brown sugar
3 1/2 oz (90g) butter
1/4 cup milk
2 tbsp golden syrup

For the Lemon Cream Cheese frosting:
1oz (30g) butter
3oz (80g) cream cheese
1 1/2 cups icing sugar
1 tsp grated lemon zest

1. Preheat oven to 180 degrees centigrade (GM 4)
2. Sieve dry ingredients into bowl
3. Add all other ingredients
4. Mix in mixer or with electric hand-whisk for 2 minutes
5. Divide equally into individual cupcake wrappers and bake in the oven for roughly 30 minutes (this varies depending on your oven. I check mine after 20 minutes to see how they are getting on)
6. Cool on a rack while you make the frosting.
7. Put all frosting ingredients in a bowl and mix (with mixer electric hand whisk if possible) until pale and smooth.
8. When cupcakes are cool cover with the frosting.

Eat and enjoy! I make these all the time but I don't have a picture to share....probably because they never last long enough!

Just one random sentence

Thanks to Claire for passing this meme on, I have a few awards and memes and things to do but this one seemed short and sweet and she is waiting for a baby and a bit fed up so I thought it would be a good idea to do something to keep her happy (I did a meme last week passed onto me from Tasha who was also waiting for a baby, and guess what...she arrived)! Perhaps this will start something for Claire too...

So here are the rules…

1. Collect the book that you have most handy.

2. Turn to page 161.

3. Find the 5th complete sentence.

4. Site the sentence on your blog.

5. Pass it on to 5 other bloggers.

I am currently reading The Philosophical Baby by Alison Gopnik (I say that....I don't have any time to read so I am actually just carrying it around everywhere I go and trying to read it. By all accounts it is fascinating so far)

and I give you:

"In inattentional blindness, for example, we feel sure that we are consciously seeing the whole scene, and yet it turns out we are missing the gorilla."

Crikey. Missing a whole gorilla. That is not easy. I am glad my random sentence had an animal in it. Makes it seem more random somehow!

Anyway, five bloggers. Passing these things on is always quite taxing...as they do the rounds quite a bit. Sorry if you have already had it, Amy, Sandy, Gaelikaa, Miss Leslieanne, Carol.

Reflections on pregnancy

After my wordless Wednesday last week I had a couple of comments asking how I made all that with a new baby! Well I have a confession to make. My baby goes to bed at 6 every evening with very little fuss and stays there quite happily. He is fed at 10pm and around 2am by me and then at 6am by his Dad. He 'gets up' at somewhere between 7am and 7.30am. I was afraid to write that just on case I jinx it, but I had to own up sometime. So this means after dinner and our nightly episode of Veronica Mars I have a couple hours of sewing time just for me. I also cut fabric during the day when the baby naps.

I went out to lunch yesterday with the girls from work and when I said that Piran was a good baby one of them remarked "Well, you had a difficult pregnancy, so you deserve it".

It is funny, if someone had asked whether I thought I had a difficult pregnancy I would have said no. I remember going to see my homeopath around week 20 and going through the list of aches and pains and problems that I had been having and her telling me off for not contacting her sooner and getting something to help me feel better. I just thought that all of this stuff was part of being pregnant and you just needed to 'grin and bear it'.

I had an eptopic pregnancy scare to start it all off. I had evening queasyness which never came to sickness but made every evening horrible. When that disappeared at around 4 months I then had constant indigestion and heartburn for the next 5 months. The tiredness, so unlike anything you have ever felt before. I had really bad backache for months. I was constipated for 9 months (too much information? Sorry!) I had a killer attack of the flu which made me realise just how much I love Night Nurse. You don't know how much you will miss something until it is banned! I had horrific migrane style headaches for a month at the end of the first trimester. My hidradenitis flared a few times and made moving and sitting and resting so hard. I had three bladder infections. My hands were so swollen I couldn't move them in the morning and I cried with the pain (and wore my rings on a necklace for months). My feel were so swollen I couldn't stand for more than 30 minutes at a time. The stretchmarks appeared practically the moment that I found out I was pregnant! I had killer toothache and lost part of a tooth and had to just put up with it. I had a week where I was so depressed I couldn't function, think or do anything opther than watch tv. I cried for that whole week, and quite a bit at other times too. I think there was about two weeks through the whole pregnancy that I was energised and 'glowing'. Being two weeks overdue and being induced, which was just horrific.

But do you know what? If someone had asked me this morning if I liked being pregnant I would have said yes. All that stuff above...I just had to read back through my blog to remember it. Most of that I had honestly forgotten about.

All I remember about being pregnant was chatting to my bump all the time. Having a bath every evening and just having that special time with Squigler. Hours spent watching my belly move. Getting my feet rubbed every night by Mr C. Having an excuse to go to bed at 9 every evening and cuddle with my husband. Hundreds of naps. Feeling so proud of my body, my bump, my new shape.

So yes, it could probably be said that I had a difficult pregnancy, and that there were a lot of lows, but I would have no reservations about doing it again. Not just yet though!

This post was written as a contribution to A Mother's Secrets a place where mothers swear to tell the truth and only the truth.

Wordless Wednesday: What I have made this week

Cot bumpers for Piran so his feet don't get stuck in the bars anymore!

A drawstring bag as a Christmas present for my nephew

A book bag for Girlie Number 2's birthday

A handy basket for the bathroom.

A cushion for City Girl's birthday.

What I enjoyed reading lately

Peggy at Perfectly Happy Mum made a confession last week. That she had been reading posts but due to time being a precious commodity she does not often get time to comment.

She could have been writing about me. I am following so many blogs these days that I can only just keep up with reading the posts. Occasionally I comment but usually I am finding a snatched five minutes here (usually in the middle of the night as I feed and settle Piran) and there and reading via my iPod, which makes commenting a nightmare. So, I have introduced a new system of adding a star to the posts I loved the most and then I plan on following in the footsteps of Peggy and doing a post that contains links to them all. I hope that if you have not read these posts before you will click on the links and have a read.

Where better to start than this post from Peggy, where she talks about her memories for each of the seasons. It has made me think about the fact that I will be making these sort of memories for Piran in the future, such an exciting prospect.

I love this post from Zooarchaeologist, where she describes her idea of heaven. This is a game that Mr C and I play on a regular basis, describing our dream house, where it will be located, what it will be like to actually live there. I will write mine sometime soon.

A new addition to my blogroll is Sew Scrumptious. Louise's mum is 70 on Christmas Day and she has decided to give her 70 presents, one for each year of her life. I think that this is such a wonderful idea, and was glad to help out with some seeds from Mr C's garden and some other bits and pieces.

Next we have a couple of posts that make me both nervous and excited about this being a mum lark. Tara shares the 5 things they don't tell you about having a boy and Potty Mummy is having to deal with some very highbrow questions from her two boys. Cripes!

So, that about covers it, although I would also like to add a thank you to Sally at Who's the Mummy for compiling the Top 100 UK Parent Blogs and Bloggers again this month. I am slipping quite dramatically (all of this lurking and raising a baby no doubt) but still hanging on in there at number 94. The problem with this is that I find more fun and interesting blogs to read which makes my google reader overflow and only adds to the no time for commenting issue!

Hope you have enjoyed my pick of favourite posts. Please leave a comment if you have read something you would like to share with me!

The Name Game

I have been tagged by Tasha who is waiting for the birth of her baby, and thought that she could do with something good to read so I would do this now, as requested!

So, this is what it is all about, from Mommy Words: Names are important. Your kids’ names were chosen for a particular reason and they mean a lot to you so this would be a great story to share! If you don’t share your kids’ names on your blog you can just tell us where you got the catchy nickname for your little ones or just go through 1-10 and amuse us with your naming antics! No problemo! Copy the image above to use on your blog. Go ahead and answer the questions and then pass this Name Game and the simple instructions on to 5 other bloggy moms or dads who you think might want to share their story! Make sure to let me know so I can follow the Name Game!

Do you have any cultural or religious naming traditions?
No. We were keen to have a family connection however so we did bear this in mind when choosing a name.

Did you or your partner come to the marriage with pre-selected names?
Mr C didn't. Before we were married we talked about names for children. I have my girls name picked out, have done for years, although I had never decided if it would be her first or middle name. Luckily, Mr C likes it.

Did you consider the sound of the first and middle and last names together? Did this make any sad eliminations?
Definitely. My first name is Kelly and my maiden name was Smith. I spent all of my time growing up being called Smelly Whiff. So this was very important to me. We also spent a lot of time working out what you could shorten the names to. Richard was out because our last name is Cheesley and well, you don't want to call your child Dick Cheesley do you?

Do you have veto powers?
Well, we both had to love the name, so I guess we did.

Did the baby naming cause arguments?
No

Do you think it is easier to name boys or girls?
Well we had the girl's name picked out, so naming a boy was harder. I found naming a girl easier because, well shall we say I had more associations to boys names that were not appropriate to naming a child!

Did you eliminate names because of people from your past or present who you don’t like or because a certain image comes to mind.
Yes. Mr C was keen on Jacob or Jake and was trying to convince me until we had one funny conversation one day in the car when I had to admit to losing my virginity to someone called Jake! That changed his mind sharpish! There were others that were rejected for the same reason. Although, the name we ultimately picked is the middle name of the person I had my first serious relationship with. I don't think I told Mr C that because I didn't want him to reject it and besides, I don't think about it at all. We also rejected some boys names for being too popular because I didn't want people calling him by his surname all the time which is what happened to Mr C perhaps because his name was quite popular 36 years ago!

Did you / would you survey your children to get their thoughts on the name?
Next time perhaps, but this time we had no one to ask!

Did you tell people the name or possible names before the baby was born or were they “in the vault”?
No. Although we had picked a name we just told people that we had a shortlist. In the end I told one midwife when I was in hospital and we also told the midwife when I was in labour. Because we knew it was a boy the name was the only surprise that we would have for people on the day he was born. We got lots of nice comments about it.

Did you use baby name books?
Yes, we had one from the library, which was funny. I also used an application on my iPod which told you how popular names were as well. We would lay in bed and I would read out the names to Paul and put them in the iPod if they were a possible. We also played a game on long car journeys where we tried to think of all names beginning with A then B etc.

Drumroll Please… What did you name your kid(s) and why?

Piran Ernest Cheesley

Piran (pronounced Peer-en) is a Cornish name which was one of the reasons that we picked it. I wrote about it here, but basically we found out we were expecting a boy on St Piran's day and the name was already on our list of possible names so it just seemed perfect. St Piran is the patron saint of Cornwall and tin miners and my family lives in Cornwall, I grew up there, we were married there and it is our favourite place to be when we can. So for us, it was perfect.

Ernest is a family name, both of our Mum's Dads were called Ernest so that got us family brownie points and we both liked the name. It was important to us to have a family link.

I am meant to pass this on to 5 other bloggers but I am a bit stuck! I have come up with three!

Josie at Sleep is for the weak.
Sandy at Baby Baby
Emma at Me, The Man & The Baby

Make it Monday: A pot of indoor Narcissus

This week is another Christmas present. It wasn’t too expensive – I spent a total of £6.50 which I don’t think is too excessive. You could make it much cheaper by finding fun and unusual containers in charity shops, flea markets or at the car boot.

I bought a pack of Narcissus Paperwhite Ziva bulbs from our local garden centre. They are a fragrant variety that flower in December or January (I am hoping that they will come up in time for Christmas). They cost £2.99 for 5 bulbs. You could do this with any other indoor suitable bulbs however. I love the delicate flowers on these.

I bought this pot for £3.49.

I requested the help of my glamorous assistant.

We added crocks to the bottom of the pot (in our case some pebbles from our garden).

Then planted the bulbs upright in bulb fibre so that the tip of the bulb is just level with the top of the fibre.

We moistened the bulb fibre and placed the container in a cool, dark place with the temperature below 10 degrees C (50 degrees F). In our case the garden shed, which if it is not that cold yet I am sure it soon will be. Check the water weekly and water if dry. After 12 weeks move to a warm, light place for flowering. 12 weeks for me will be the weekend before Christmas – you could just get your 12 weeks in if you started this week

So we will hope that these will come up in time.

The Trouble with Dragons is I wanted something exciting!

This weekend I went to the library to get a few books to read to Piran. I know he is only 9 weeks old but there is a lovely bit of the night when he has had his bottle and if just chilling out in my arms and I think it is nice for him to hear my voice. So, the first one I picked up was this:

The Trouble with Dragons.

Well I was excited to read it because I love fantasy books, particularly when a dragon is thrown in for good measure. So we settled down to read it last night and I am afraid to say I was really disappointed. What I should have done is read the Amazon review first:
'The combination of simple rhyming text and fantastical, detailed illustrations delivers a strong ecological message' The Scotsman
Am I alone in finding this a bit disappointing? Yes, I agree that children should be educated about things such as how our actions have consequences and that we can damage the planet if we make certain choices. However, does it have to be like this? Books like this for me when I was a child were about fantastical new worlds and something to get lost in. Books swept me up and delivered me to a new and wonderful place each time, and this is why I could never get enough. So, no thank you to your ecological messages, at least for a while yet.

I also bought home The Mousehole Cat, which is much more what I am after, although it might confuse Piran a little because it bought out my Cornish accent!

So, I was hoping those of you out there that have children could recommend some books for us. I want fun and adventure and excitement for now because, well, Piran is just listening to my voice and it is me enjoying the stories!

Clean shiny home, a review of Ecover products

If I am perfectly honest with you, when it comes to cleaning I have never been that fussed really. Which is why, when the pregnancy hormones / weirdness kicked in and I started manically cleaning everything in sight my husband was overjoyed! I think however that it is one of nature’s cruel jokes that being pregnant can make you want to clean and keep everything just so, and that having a newborn baby to look after means that you have no time. I get so frustrated when I don’t manage to clean the house each week. My husband tells me to relax and not worry about it so much but what he failed to realise (I have put him right on this now) is that this is where I spend all my time. So if it is untidy, I feel untidy. If something is dirty it bugs me all day every day. So now we have an arrangement where he takes Piran out for a couple of hours on Saturday morning and I blitz the house and then I can relax and enjoy our weekend together.

This is all a very longwinded way of saying that when I saw a request for people to test out and review Ecover’s new range of cleaning products I was quite keen to have a go. I have used this brand of cleaning products for the past couple of years as much as possible around the house so I already like their products but have been frustrated in the past at the effectiveness of some of them.

I was sent a lovely green trug full of cleaning products and even some cloths and gloves thrown in for good measure. Over the past three weeks I have been using the Ecover products and the conventional brands, which they had sent for comparison.

The blurb says:
“Guaranteed to leave your home sparkling clean, this hard-working range harnesses the power of nature through pioneering ingredients called Eco-Surfactants.Developed exclusively by Ecover’s ecological innovators, these new ingredients mean the new range is proven to clean as well as – or better than - the UK’s leading conventional brands.

The range consists of two new products: Ecover Power Cleaner and Ecover Window & Glass Cleaner; as well as two new formulations of household favourites, Ecover All Purpose Cleaner (previously known as Ecover Multi-Surface Cleaner) and Ecover Multi Surface Spray Cleaner (previously known as SquirtEco).”

Ecover Multi Surface Spray Cleaner – RRP £2.84 (500ml) – Up against Flash multi purpose spray they both seemed to do a perfectly adequate job. However I found the Flash to have a fake chemical like smell and the added bonus of the Ecover is that you do not need to put gloves on to have a quick wipe round the kitchen because it is PH neutral and therefore kinder to your hands.

Ecover Window & Glass Cleaner – RRP £2.69 (500ml) – Flexing its credentials against Mr Muscle Window Cleaner I found again that this had a much nicer smell. One squirt went a long way, and the windows were left sparkling clean. So sparkling that I was heard to remark yesterday that I could now see the bags under my eyes reflected in the kitchen window! The Ecover again came out on top with the smell as well.

Ecover All Purpose Cleaner – RRP £1.59 (500ml) – This was up against Flash again, and again they both seemed to do a perfectly good job. It is hard to tell in a domestic setting I guess because both clean very well but the Ecover made my taps sparkle more than usual after a quick wipe over with a dry cloth.

Ecover Power Cleaner – RRP £3.99 (500ml) – Up against Cillit Bang (which is the one cleaning product that actually scares me, think it is the shouting man on the advert!) this claims to clean ovens, cooker hobs, pots and pans etc. I must admit I am not a fan of oven cleaning because the chemicals make me choke so I was very interested in this. But, I decided to give the two the ultimate test, the plate from the bottom of our combined oven & microwave. I even took pictures!

Do not judge me. Before I started!

On the left we have the Ecover product, on the right CILLIT BANG!

The Cillit Bang said leave for 30 minutes, the Ecover just said leave to work. I gave them both 25 minutes.

The results: Well, the left hand side looks a bit better in the pictures, but to be honest I would say they worked about the same. However, on a later test I discovered that the kitchen smelt like rotting fish when I used the Cillit Bang so I will stick to the Ecover from now on.

Conclusion:
In all cases I found that the products seemed to be as good as their chemical counterparts. The best bit about the Ecover is obviously the fact that they do not contain chemicals – a bonus to me with a baby in the house, they do not affect my asthma as the chemical smelling ones can and most of them have a nice subtle fragrance. Plus, they are PH neutral and therefore no gloves are needed and your hands don’t get cleaned as well! When it comes down to it though I started using the Ecover when I found out how long the chemicals that we use take to decompose (a lot longer than we are on this planet) and these new products are even more environmentally sound (see the science bit below for details). Yes, in most cases you do have to pay for your principles and in this case I am happy to. These new products will be added to my cupboard along with my old favourites. Now, if they can only make a toilet cleaner that stops lime-scale appearing in my toilet I will be a very happy cleaning lady.

The science bit:
The pioneering Eco-Surfactants make the hard surface cleaning range unique. Not only are these pioneering new ingredients made with fully renewable plant-based ingredients (rapeseed oil, yeast and glucose), they are also produced using a totally biochemical process – similar to the process of brewing beer – as opposed to a chemical one as many of Ecover’s competitors use.

What’s more, because Ecover only uses sustainable plant-based and mineral ingredients, you don’t have to worry about leaving behind residues of nasty (and unnecessary) chemicals when you clean. And thanks to its pH neutral formula, it won’t irritate skin like some other products can – so feel free to forget the rubber gloves.

Clare Allman, marketing manager, Ecover UK says: “Historically, the assumption has been that green cleaning products aren’t as effective as conventional petrochemical-based products but at Ecover we have always challenged this perception by creating effective ecological cleaning solutions. Thanks to our pioneering new Eco-Surfactants, our new range is supremely ecological, and cleans even better than before.

The new range has even better ecological credentials than ever: excellent biodegradability and lower aquatic toxicity as well as reduced transportation. As the ingredients Ecover use to make Eco-Surfactants are sourced in Europe, much closer to our ecological factories, they take half the CO2 to transport than the previous ingredients. We’re really excited about the range as it offers a truly effective ecological solution to the cleaning needs of people across the UK.”

The new hard surface cleaning range is available in health food stores, with a limited range available in major supermarkets. For a full list of stockists visit our ‘Where to Buy’ page on www.ecover.com