iPod touch and laying in bed

Well, who would have ever thought I would be able to write a blog post laying on my back in bed! Very exciting.

Falling into the same trap or Why I will never join a book club.

See, I thought (and I was right) that when I was pregnant I would have more to blog about. The problem is that I started a weekly format and that has made me feel somehow obligated, then stifled and now guilty that I am three weeks behind. Plus, lots has happened in that three weeks but I'll be damned if I can remember it. I have done this before, with saying things like "I will write every day for a month", "I will blog every Monday", "I will blog on all high days and holidays and days with a y in them", "I will always start the title a certain way". Will I ever learn?

 

So I am breaking free, I may go back at some point but for today I just want to write and so I shall. perhaps a list, perhaps a lot of short paragraphs, as long as I am writing I am sure I will be happy.

 

Pancake day today, very exciting, and I was jotting down a recipe in my little black book when I came across a short list I had written in there (I have no idea when):

 

Things that freak me out

Old people in tracksuits

 

Ipod on shuffle....Labour of Love just came on by Hue & Cry. I remember listening to this on my walkman when I was a kid, riding round on my bike, no handed, making actions for the lyrics "Gonna strike for the right to get into your heart.....ain't gonna work for you no more" What must I have looked like?

 

So, I am 19 weeks now and I have realised that I now feel pregnant all of the time. Which is really nice because before, when I could forget I was pregnant I was scared a lot of the time that there was something wrong with the baby. But now I feel it dancing in my belly every night, which makes me laugh. My stomach is officially getting in my way now, and I move differently. I can feel my tummy pressing on my legs as I sit at my desk. I can no longer take two steps at a time as I walk up the stairs. I am unable to get off the sofa in one movement (I have to shuffle to the front, then get up!). Laying on my front would be impossible and laying on my back gets harder and harder. I feel proud of my body, unashamed of the bumpy bits, and part of me loves to show off my tummy.

 

So, most of you know that I read a lot of books. Well the downside of this pregnancy is that I am severely limited on what I can read at the moment. Nothing about Children, Marriages (particularly divorce / adultery). Nothing about families, nothing about death or destruction. So I am back on purely fantasy types at the moment. I was thinking about it earlier, and I love reading for the escapism, which is why I would never join a book club because I don't want to think too much about what I am reading, I just want to enjoy it. Sometimes a book will make me think or feel different but I don't want to over analyse, just enjoy.

Week 16

This week I was hit by the great big black boxing glove of depression. Unable to think about or do anything. I have to watch TV continuously to keep my brain full. When my attention is not on something the panic sets in and the tears start.

Spend minutes at a time staring into space unable to think.

This sucks big time.

Don't feel nauseous any more and I haven't had any headaches so that is a step in the right direction I guess.

I am completely scatty too, keep forgetting all sorts. The book calls it Gestational Amnesia.

Week 15

Went back to work after my 4 weeks off.

So tiring the rest of the time I just ate and slept.