Week 11

Christmas, pregnancy and the flu, what a brilliant combination. I spend Monday to Wednesday off work in bed. The problem is not being able to take any flu remedies. That is a nightmare! So I miss my last three days at work, which is sort of a blessing in disguise as at least I don't have to lie to every one about how excited I am over the honeymoon!

I manage to get out bed for a few hours on Christmas day and make it round to the in laws for Christmas dinner but the next morning I have a sinus headache that is so painful that I am in tears so we end up calling NHS Direct who just tell me to take paracetamol. Which helps a little.

It is very cold at the moment (for here anyway) and I don't much like going outside as the flu completely zapped me. Still I know that I am better when I start having the nausea again! Dippy Mum and the StepDemon turn up today. It is lovely to see them and nice to talk about the baby a bit more with someone other than Mr C.

Week 10

Sunday was nice, Mr C and I went shopping and had a wander around town then had a nice dinner. This week at work was really busy, but it is all coming together and even though we have canceled our holiday in January we are still taking the time off work so we actually have a 3 and a half week break. We have booked a hotel in London for a couple of days too.

The weekend comes and I end up feeling really ill on Saturday afternoon and then I spent the rest of the weekend in bed with the flu. Brilliant.

Week 9

Reading my book tells me things are starting to kick off with little Smeglet round about now. This week it is about 1.5 - 2 cm long. Crikey. The week starts off as the last one ended with me confined to my bed.

I am confused regarding the weeks. Today is the 13th December which by my reckoning is the end of week 9 beginning of week 10. That is if I am counting as 7 days after my last period being one week. Perhaps I should count back from my due date? Hmm I get the same answer. But I am sure that they said that on the 4th Jan I will be 12 weeks. Which is three weeks away. So is the end of the 12 weeks? Ah ha that is beginning to make sense.

Pregnancy is officially mental. I am all over the place.

We cancelled our holiday on Monday. We are meant to be going to Cuba on honeymoon but I cannot have the vaccinations and I do not want to risk traveling without them so that is that. Hopefully we will get some of the money back, and then we will try and claim the rest on our insurance.

Other than that I just feel ill all of the time which is a pile of rubbish. I end up having Thursday and friday off work and I am still in bed today. I just give up to be honest.

Week 8

I was meant to be on a course in London last weekend, but I woke up early on Saturday morning and couldn't get up. I ended up sleeping continuously all weekend which was fun but not very productive, plus I wasted the money I spent on the course.

I broke down and cried after something at work and ended up telling Lovely Lady that I was pregnant and not insane as she may have thought.

I keep calling the baby coffee bean baby with a poppy seed heart as that it what the book says but I think I might have to start calling it something else. We have decided on Smeglet as that is what the Stepdemon calls me.

I am incapable of........getting through a day without feeling sick, finding anything I want to eat, going for a poo, getting up less than 4 times a night to wee, drink tea in the mornings, stay awake past 10pm, continue on a train of thought.

I have switched to plain folic acid instead of the multivitamin type as I thought the iron might be making the poo situation worse but it doesn't seem to have had that much of an effect. Mr C must be so bored about hearing about my digestive issues. Poor guy. Still he keeps staring at my slightly inflated chest and grinning so I think he is happy.

On Thursday I go and see the midwife - she tells me about the screening tests, I pick the hospital I would like to go to and that is about it. I feel rushed and a bit stupid really, this is my first pregnancy and I know nothing so I was expecting a bit more really. We discuss the 12 week scan and because we go on holiday at exactly 12 weeks I have to have it closer to 14 weeks. Right at the end I remember to ask about vaccinations and she says that there is absolutely no way that I can have them. I leave a little dazed and confused by the whole thing.

Friday I tell my boss as it is the end of the year and we are making pans for next year and I only think that it is fair that I tell her that the likelihood is that I will not be here for half of it. She takes it better than I expected and is positive about what I could do when I come back after the baby (I hope I will not need to but we will see).

The weekend starts with me laid up in bed with a sinus headache that is so painful it is bordering on a migrane.

Week 7

On Sunday Mr C's best man, his wife and their two kids came round for Sunday lunch which was nice. We had to hide the pregnancy books and keep our mouths shut. I know Mr C would love to tell them but I live in fear of loosing this baby and only want to tell people who would know if I have a miscarriage so we hold off for now. Besides my Dad is still on his 3 week Caribbean cruise so I have not been able to tell him yet.

He does get back on Wednesday though and eventually I get through to talk to him. I let him witter on for 15 minutes all about his holiday and baby Chloe and everything else. I am finally able to get a word in edgeways and tell him that I am pregnany. Mr C had bet me that my dad would cry and he won because my Dad couldn't speak and had to pass the telephone to my step mum so I could tell her too while he pulled himself together. We told them that it was still early days and for now we were just telling parents (well and Sez who doesn't count).

Friday night I fell asleep on the sofa straight after dinner and was woken by a telephone call from my mother who decided that now my Dad knew I should tell my brother because it wasn't fair that he didn't know. I put the phone down and then lost it entirely, crying and hiding from Mr C. It was because I am just so tired and I want to tell my brother but it is hard over the telephone and he has been trying for a baby for two years with his fiance and I just don't want to rub their faces in it as it is obvious it happened first time for us.

I am just to tired to deal with all of this.

Week 6

We were planning on waiting to tell Mr C's parents and sister for a while. Then his sister goes and gets Chicken Pox and all hell breaks loose. She is so ill she is admitted to hospital. Poor thing. Mr C has never had it so is staying away and although I have had it I don't want to take any risks with the baby. They are really happy for us (his Mum had been making hints at the dinner table a couple weeks before) but it is all a bit swept up by the fact Miss C is in hospital. His Dad swears blind that he knew (I think that is because we went round for dinner the evening that the doctor said it might have been eptopic and I just vacantly stared into space and refused to have any pudding - a sure sign that something is wrong).

Other than that I am just dealing with the fact that I appear to be completely constipated all of the time (I am going on average 2 times a week) and that I feel so tired that I could just fall asleep at my desk at work. So tired all of the time, I am in bed at 9 at the latest every night. Oh and my boobs? Ow. They are suddenly very heavy and tender all of the time. Getting comfortable at night is really hard and did Mr C always roll over and squish my boobs so much?

Then towards the end of the week the constant queasiness starts and I think I am losing my mind! Mind you, no hidradenitis.

Week 5

My period was due last Saturday but there was no sign of it. I wondered for a while then decided that actually i think it had been coming a day late each time so it probably came on Sunday last month so it would be Monday this month. I seem to have aches in my belly, just like period pain so I am fully expecting a humdinger at any time. By Monday with no period I am getting a little twitchy. I mention it to Mr C but come to the conclusion that it is not coming because I am thinking about it at least every other second. I toy with the idea of doing a test but in the end just give myself a stern talking to and try not to run to the toilet every time I think I feel even the slightest bit damp.

Tuesday - still nothing. Very odd, I was convinced it would come yesterday. In the end I make Mr C stop at the chemists on the way home so I can buy a test. It comes in a handy pack of two and for the first time in my life I was not embarrassed to be buying it, probably because I am practically 10 years older than the last time I did one. I had refused to buy one in the supermarket, either in town or the one by work just in case someone saw me! The lady says "Good Luck" as she sells it to me, which strikes me as odd, but I reason that it could be taken either way and just be "I hope you get the result you want".

Mr C's sister was over to watch the football so I amuse myself on the internet, sorting out travel insurance and messing about on Facebook. Part of me just wants to go and do the test now but if it is positive and we were not alone I would struggle to keep my mouth shut. She leaves and then we went upstairs to watch CSI in bed. I then appeared to have the fear as I couldn't bring myself to go and do it. It was odd doing it with someone there too, I have always done this sort of thing on my own in the past. Halfway through I go and pee in a cup because I am scared that if I pee on the stick I will get it wrong. 20 seconds in the wee, cap on and it goes upside down on the bedside table. It seems that these things only take 1 minute these days (what happened to 3?) and before I know it Mr C is pointing out it has been more than a minute. I pick it up and I stop breathing. It is a bit of a blur but there is a strong possibility I said "Fuck, it's positive". The second line was faint but there. then I giggled, then I cried, then we turned off CSI and just sat in bed saying Crikey and Fuck and Wow a lot. I just cannot believe I am pregnant after trying for just one month. Mr C keeps grinning and I swear I heard him use the words "Super Sperm".

Next day and I was up first thing. Well I hadn't really slept and I had to do test number 2 just to be sure. This time I watched it as the blue line appeared in both windows. I read the booklet again just to be sure and was confronted with the fact that you can have a false negative, but never a false positive. So that is it then. Officially up the duff. So I made an appointment with the doctor as I didn't know what else to do. She was nice and just filled in some details on the computer and told me that if I have my dates right the baby will be due 18th July (ohh, 11 days before my bithday, 12 before Mr C's). Then it all turned scary. I mentioned the fact that I didn't think I was pregnant because I had been having what I thought were period pains and she then told me that there was a chance that the pregnancy was ectopic and so I must have two blood tests 48 hours apart to check my hormone levels. The bottom fell out of my world at this point. The first was on Thursday morning, the second would be on Saturday which meant that we couldn't go away for the weekend. I became slightly irrational at this point as it was Mum's 60th birthday, a big deal and I wanted to be there so much. In the end she agreed that I could go as long as I found someone to do the blood test for me in Cornwall.

Mr C was waiting for me in town and god knows what he thought when he first saw me, balling my eyes out. Something that had been so wonderful was now so frightening. I went for the blood test on Thursday and then we travelled down to Cornwall. My hidradenitis had flared up and because I am pregnant, no painkillers so sitting down in the car for 6 hours was bloody painful. But in the end we made it there.

Mr C and I had decided that we would have to tell my Mum about the pregnancy because we needed to slope off on Saturday morning to the hospital and she would need to cover for us. I also wanted to tell my sister because she has always told me the minute she found out she was pregnant. Mum nearly exploded, she was so happy, but we had to warn her that we were not allowed to get excited about this until we have the results. Sez was her usual self when I told her, she was happy for us and told me not to worry about the tests then said "Don't be a bloddy hero, have an epidural." Love that girl.

We went to the hospital on Saturday morning first thing and they took my blood. We then went off for a couple of hours then came back. They told us that my level of hCG had increased by 71% in 48 hours. It wasn't the doubling that they had hoped for but the doctor said as it was over 60% they were fairly confident that the pregnancy was okay.

We came back on Sunday and the rest of that week was a number of doctors appointments until they decided I was okay and then they booked me in with the midwife for the 3rd December and that was that. I did ask the doctor about the fact that we are going to Cuba but she checked in her book and it seems that the vaccinations are okay if they are not live ones.

We spend the rest of the week just getting used to the idea.

Week 4

Not a brilliant week this week really. Mr C left on Sunday and I got the bus into Brighton and had a lovely lunch with Girlie number 2. Had a bit too much red wine but the food was delicious and it was nice to spend a few hours with her. We were talking about Cuba and the fact that Mr C and I have started trying for a baby. I joked that it was just my luck that I would end up pregnant before I went so would miss out on all those lovely Mojitos. She asked me why didn't we wait until after we get back but I am so convinced that it will take months and months to get pregnant that I don't want to wait until we get back.

The rest of the week was pants. Mr C was away until Thursday night and I had a work thing to go to that night. I can tell my period is due as my confidence is rock bottom and I spent 35 minutes sat on my bed trying to work out how to get out of it. In the end I pulled myself together and got sorted. I have a lump coming up on my bottom (this is my hidradenitis). It is rock hard and pea shaped on Thursday morning but by the time that I go out in the evening it has swollen to 3-4 times the size and it is now soft and squishy and it hurts to walk and sit down and pretty much everything else. I am mightily unhappy and excuse myself once the pudding has come and limp to the train station to gt home. I am so overjoyed to see Mr C when he picks me up. I feel shattered this weekend and just have a quiet one with just the two of us. next weekend is Cornwall for Mum's 60th so we are saving up our energy.

Week 3

Paul and I had a lovely weekend, and managed to fill it with quite a lot of sex (for us anyway). With the hidradenitis and all of the operations and health problems that I have had this year my libido fluctuates more than a unstable thing so 4 days or so of continued sex makes a change. It also makes a very happy Mr C which is nice to see. Bless him. He is enjoying this. I need to make sure that I keep it up though and it is not just about the times when I think that I am most fertile as that is not fair. however, if it works, and therefore we are having sex more than usual, well it cannot be a bad thing can it?

Off to see the homeopath today. Her name is Amanda and she is lovely. I really enjoy talking to her. It is nice to talk to someone about everything that is wrong with me, and that has been wrong with me in the past and not feel like I am just complaining. It is better than going to the doctors as well as we chat for a hour and then she gives me something to take to help with my anxiety and everything. The thought of going to Cuba for our honeymoon scares the bejesus out of me but it is a couple of months off yet. Paul is off to Germany for almost a week tomorrow so I am meeting Girlie number 2 for a nice lunch in town so I will buy myself a book on Cuba to read which should help.

Week 2

Stitches have came out at the beginning of the week which is great. I cannot believe how painful it was this time, so much worse that previously. Still, fingers and toes crossed that they have gone and got it this time. Not a lot else happening, although the idea of sex does not frighten me in the way that it did last week when moving in general was painful and getting a good nights sleep was impossible. At the beginning of the week it seems to soon but perhaps by the weekend. I briefly think about dates and ovulation but I am determined not to focus on that too much. That said, I work out that the today is 13 days after my period so look to finding the energy. God that sounds so sad but the fact is that after these operations I do not feel in the slightest bit sexy with bandages and steristrips and the like so it takes some relaxing before I will consider it. I did start taking my vitamins again at the beginning of the week though.

Week 1

Hmm I am writing this at the beginning of week 10 so it is hard to remember back this far. I had just had my operation on my neck and the addition of my period was a painful and annoying thing. I was keen to start thinking about trying for a baby again but I with the stitches in my neck and the period pain it wasn't looking hopeful any time soon. I had even stopped taking my pre pregnancy vitamins as I didn't have the enthusiasm I guess. Mainly I was gutted that in my eyes we had lost a month because I had had to stop prior to the wedding because of the operation and general anesthetic and when I did think about trying again it was in a vague way. Ever since Mr C and I realised this relationship was serious we had talked about children but after he proposed we decided to try and do this the old fashioned way and get married before getting pregnant. But as the months ticked by I was finding this harder and harder, I didn't want to wait anymore. My sister was pregnant with her second kid and I didn't want to wait anymore. Sez had her baby the day I had my operation (she was 8 days from her due date on my wedding day). Chloe Ann came in at a whopping 10 pounds 11 ounces. I try not to think about that too much.

Another silly conversation

Mr C: You are the reason that my heart keeps beating.

Fairy: I think you will find that is your brain doing that.

Mr C: Oh. You are the reason my kidney's dilate.

Fairy: *laughing so hard she cannot breathe* I make your kidneys grow bigger?

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